Waiting For My Beloved
A silly one22 total reviews
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Maria.. well you completely fooled me again with this story. I was a little curious when you talked about sitting at your computer. Saving the resolution of the story for the last line is always good in flash fiction. Robert
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Hello Maria.. well you completely fooled me again with this story. I was a little curious when you talked about sitting at your computer. Saving the resolution of the story for the last line is always good in flash fiction. Robert
Comment Written 10-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Thanks so much for reading.
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You're welcome
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Maria. So the lover is autumn. For me, he is spring. Upbeat, fun, and lively. All seasons are wonderful, really. We long for the season we like best. Your writing is clear and interesting. We're experiencing a few nice days of fall, good for cleaning up the garden, before winter sets in. Marilyn
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Hi Maria. So the lover is autumn. For me, he is spring. Upbeat, fun, and lively. All seasons are wonderful, really. We long for the season we like best. Your writing is clear and interesting. We're experiencing a few nice days of fall, good for cleaning up the garden, before winter sets in. Marilyn
Comment Written 10-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Thanks so much for reading. Hugs.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting one, but I can see you wanting fall if it is as hot as it was here in Tennessee. Finally we are feeling the air of Fall. You used ver words and very lovely imagery. love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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This is a very interesting one, but I can see you wanting fall if it is as hot as it was here in Tennessee. Finally we are feeling the air of Fall. You used ver words and very lovely imagery. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 10-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Thanks so much for reading.xxx
Comment from aryr
This was great Maria, it truly created a sense of a one sided conversation, while also seemingly setting a well wished for goal. I liked the touch at the end where you mentioned a single falling of a leaf. You really pulled the reader in and held them there with the unique flow and format.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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This was great Maria, it truly created a sense of a one sided conversation, while also seemingly setting a well wished for goal. I liked the touch at the end where you mentioned a single falling of a leaf. You really pulled the reader in and held them there with the unique flow and format.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Thanks so much for reading.
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You are most welcome Maria.
Comment from Sally Law
Tell me about it. I love, love autumn, too. My husband and I drove north last weekend to Jacksonville and my husband saw a maple tree turning. I screamed with excitement. Sending you my best today as always with prayer for fall,
Sally xo
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Tell me about it. I love, love autumn, too. My husband and I drove north last weekend to Jacksonville and my husband saw a maple tree turning. I screamed with excitement. Sending you my best today as always with prayer for fall,
Sally xo
Comment Written 10-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Thanks so much for reading. Hugs.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
AAAAWWW I truly love your imagination and the way to tell us the story leaving us to wonder at what you have planned and then ...boing...we have it. Very cute
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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AAAAWWW I truly love your imagination and the way to tell us the story leaving us to wonder at what you have planned and then ...boing...we have it. Very cute
Comment Written 10-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Thanks so much for reading.xxx
Comment from royowen
This is an unusual way of personifying autumn. When it's been hot for so long, it's such a comfort when things become cool, it's a relief. Of course, the problem then becomes the opposite. Well done Maria, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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This is an unusual way of personifying autumn. When it's been hot for so long, it's such a comfort when things become cool, it's a relief. Of course, the problem then becomes the opposite. Well done Maria, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 10-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Thanks so much for reading.
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Welcome
Comment from Sugarray77
Your story is cute and I love the way you personified Autumn as though you were waiting for a loved one to arrive... which we all are!! Great set up and punch line in this fun story.
Melissa
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Your story is cute and I love the way you personified Autumn as though you were waiting for a loved one to arrive... which we all are!! Great set up and punch line in this fun story.
Melissa
Comment Written 10-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Thanks so much for reading.xx
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Yep, it is hot in the Canaries too Maria, no sign of Autumn, not that the seasons affect us too much here, but I long for the cooler evenings. I turned my fan down one notch last night, so the temperature must have changed slightly. A fine write in tribute to Autumn, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Yep, it is hot in the Canaries too Maria, no sign of Autumn, not that the seasons affect us too much here, but I long for the cooler evenings. I turned my fan down one notch last night, so the temperature must have changed slightly. A fine write in tribute to Autumn, love Dolly x
Comment Written 10-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Thanks so much for reading. Hugs.
Comment from Alex Rosel
Hmm... This is intriguing, and very readable, but I'm not sure if I've missed something -- maybe due to cultural differences? (It wouldn't be unusual for me; I can be slow on the uptake at times.) I really can't work out what's going on here. The capitalization of "He" and "Him" implies these pronouns refer to God. Also, I'm confused by the seasonal change. I assume this is the numb of the story, but it's gone over my head.
Just one picky point:
Will you please come, please? -- If this was mine, I'd feel uneasy with the repetition of "please" in this sentence as it's currently punctuated. I'd either omit the first "please". Or, if I wanted both to emphasize the sentiment, I'd punctuate it as:
"Will you please come. Please?"
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2019
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Hmm... This is intriguing, and very readable, but I'm not sure if I've missed something -- maybe due to cultural differences? (It wouldn't be unusual for me; I can be slow on the uptake at times.) I really can't work out what's going on here. The capitalization of "He" and "Him" implies these pronouns refer to God. Also, I'm confused by the seasonal change. I assume this is the numb of the story, but it's gone over my head.
Just one picky point:
Will you please come, please? -- If this was mine, I'd feel uneasy with the repetition of "please" in this sentence as it's currently punctuated. I'd either omit the first "please". Or, if I wanted both to emphasize the sentiment, I'd punctuate it as:
"Will you please come. Please?"
Comment Written 10-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2019
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Maybe you're right, Alex. I've used He because I wanted to personalize autumn. I know the capitals are usually reserved for God, but I wanted it to be clear it was a personalization.
Thanks for reading.
P.S. I just removed the capitals.
