Pushed Too Far
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Jessica's Discovery"Shocking news sends Jeremy over the edge.
11 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
You did a great job with creating the scary memory/nightmare. I liked how you said, " big gulp of courage." Was glad that she woke up safe in the hospital.
Typos:
""Noone told me " (No one)
""Noone hurts my kid " (No one)
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2019
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You did a great job with creating the scary memory/nightmare. I liked how you said, " big gulp of courage." Was glad that she woke up safe in the hospital.
Typos:
""Noone told me " (No one)
""Noone hurts my kid " (No one)
Comment Written 13-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind review and for catching my mistake. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Poor Jessica has been traumatized enough by Paul. Now Jeremy is going to take care of the other two bullies. He feels that he's been pushed around far too long.
Thank you again for such an encouraging review, take care.
PS. The script you wrote I can relate to. Jeremy gave me the silent treatment until I agreed to a fight. Stubborn thing.
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Glad your characters are letting you know what they want! It shows you have really made them alive.
Comment from Gail Denham
Good grief - a scary story - the nightmare comes true - since I don't know the motive behind the killer (can't remember the other chapters) can't comment on the vicious act that Barry took.
Held the interest.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2019
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Good grief - a scary story - the nightmare comes true - since I don't know the motive behind the killer (can't remember the other chapters) can't comment on the vicious act that Barry took.
Held the interest.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter it's always greatly appreciated. I didn't put in a summary did I? I probably should.
Barry saved Jeremy from being beaten by Jeff and Tony. Barry is Jeremy's biological dad but Jeremy doesn't know it. After he and Jeremy saved Jessica, Barry offered to help Jeremy take care of his enemies but the lad refused. So now Barry is helping his kid in his own way. Paul was attacked by the wild boar he was laying on top of.
Jeremy beat Jeff and then put him in the trunk. I do hope this helps.
Thank you again for your kind review, all your help, support, and friendship. It means a lot to me, take care
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Thanks for the update - wow - sounds a bit complicated - so Barry is "sort of" a good guy. Most interesting.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This concept really twisted the reader's imagination around:
"Jessica discovers the stranger is her IV pole. I need to stop watching horror films. She giggles." Watching suspenseful movies feeds all of our imaginations. Playing on this fact worked good for drawing the reader in with this scenario. This also invites the reader is to laugh at themselves and to identify with this statement. I like the very needed message you blend in:"It doesn't matter what I think, honey. What matters is what you feel in your heart." You keep the reader on edge. Now we wait.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2019
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This concept really twisted the reader's imagination around:
"Jessica discovers the stranger is her IV pole. I need to stop watching horror films. She giggles." Watching suspenseful movies feeds all of our imaginations. Playing on this fact worked good for drawing the reader in with this scenario. This also invites the reader is to laugh at themselves and to identify with this statement. I like the very needed message you blend in:"It doesn't matter what I think, honey. What matters is what you feel in your heart." You keep the reader on edge. Now we wait.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for letting me know what works, what you like. Your details help me grow as a writer.
Thank you again for all your support, encouragement and friendship, it's always greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Mistydawn. There is one section of the story that was well-written and I was caught off guard little bit. It was the section where Jessica is seeing the IV stand during a lightning storm and she envisions that as an intruder. I was surprised by the outcome of that. It was well-written and well placed. Robert
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2019
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Hello Mistydawn. There is one section of the story that was well-written and I was caught off guard little bit. It was the section where Jessica is seeing the IV stand during a lightning storm and she envisions that as an intruder. I was surprised by the outcome of that. It was well-written and well placed. Robert
Comment Written 09-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter. It tickles me know I caught you off guard, twisted the ending around. I have no idea where I picked that little trick up, do you? lol.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement, and friendship. It always means a lot to me, take care.
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You're welcome
Comment from Cindy Warren
If somebody hurt my kid, I'd want to kill them too. But are you sure you want Barry to kill Paul in cold blood? With modern forensics he'd be unlikely to get away with it. Any coroner worth his salt would find that bullet wound. The pig was hit by a truck. Barry's? Why wouldn't he just let it kill Paul? In th first part, Jessica's nightmares and reaction is totally believable for her situation.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2019
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If somebody hurt my kid, I'd want to kill them too. But are you sure you want Barry to kill Paul in cold blood? With modern forensics he'd be unlikely to get away with it. Any coroner worth his salt would find that bullet wound. The pig was hit by a truck. Barry's? Why wouldn't he just let it kill Paul? In th first part, Jessica's nightmares and reaction is totally believable for her situation.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for your review. I can understand why you'd question the plot, but trust me, it's all part of my sinister plan. The writer laughs evilly. I want them to find the bullet holes and the bullets all in due time. Remember the bullet wound is premortem. The pig couldn't be any further help it was already dead.
Thank you again for your kind review, all of your help, support, and friendship. It means a lot to me. I find your questions, very helpful. They keep me on my toes, make me think ahead, helps me keep my plot believable. Take care.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Mistydawn
One thing I know it's difficult to say which of your well told stories that I like best. One thing I like how you
tell your stories with spaces, which makes it easier to read.
along with your way of keeping me anxious to what is going to happen, next.
Gert
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2019
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Hello Mistydawn
One thing I know it's difficult to say which of your well told stories that I like best. One thing I like how you
tell your stories with spaces, which makes it easier to read.
along with your way of keeping me anxious to what is going to happen, next.
Gert
Comment Written 09-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for such an encouraging review. I'm so glad you continue to enjoy my stories. That means a lot to me. Your enthusiasm helps me to continue on.
Thank you again for taking the time to read my chapter, for all your help, support, encouragement, and friendship. It always means a lot to me, take care.
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Smiles to you Misytdawn and you are welcome.
Gert
Comment from royowen
It looks like Barry is probably even more evil than Paul, he sees his opportunity the dispose of Paul, and does so with cold efficiency. Meanwhile poor Jessica is having nightmares and is reassured by the nurse, telling her she's fortunate to have Jeremy love her so much, well done, good scribing, Roy
Typo : Discover her IV has grown (taunt) taut? 2: Jessica sigh(s) with relief.
3: rubber gloves as (he) crosses the dirt path.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2019
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It looks like Barry is probably even more evil than Paul, he sees his opportunity the dispose of Paul, and does so with cold efficiency. Meanwhile poor Jessica is having nightmares and is reassured by the nurse, telling her she's fortunate to have Jeremy love her so much, well done, good scribing, Roy
Typo : Discover her IV has grown (taunt) taut? 2: Jessica sigh(s) with relief.
3: rubber gloves as (he) crosses the dirt path.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for your continuous support, I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. Thank you for catching my mistakes. That's always greatly appreciated. Jessica's realization is leading up to a big romantic love scene. It won't be too sultry, I promise.
Thank you again for all your help, support and friendship. It means a lot to me, take care.
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Well done
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Hospitals have a way of inducing strange dreams. I know. Three years ago after a heart attack, I spent a month in the hospital. Lots of drugs and lots of weird dreams.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2019
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Hospitals have a way of inducing strange dreams. I know. Three years ago after a heart attack, I spent a month in the hospital. Lots of drugs and lots of weird dreams.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2019
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Thank you for your kind review, I'm glad your heart attack wasn't fatal. I hope you're taking care of yourself. (the nurse coming out in me.) Medicines can have adverse effects sometimes. I had one patient in hysterics swearing she saw bugs.
Thank you again for all your support and friendship. It means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Who is this Barry and why does he want to hurt Jeremy? THat's what it sounds like. So why kill Paul? He would have died anyway. I'm glad Jessica is okay, but... looks like new trouble on the way. I'm worn out from the tension! :)
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2019
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Who is this Barry and why does he want to hurt Jeremy? THat's what it sounds like. So why kill Paul? He would have died anyway. I'm glad Jessica is okay, but... looks like new trouble on the way. I'm worn out from the tension! :)
Comment Written 09-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2019
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Thank you for your inquisitive review. I can't really answer because I'll give the next chapter away. Barry did ask to help Jeremy in chapter 5.
Thank you again for all your help, support and friendship. It means so much to me, take care.
Comment from KatyM
Barry sure is a piece of work. Yikes, and he is Jeremy's father? Wait until Jeremy finds out and then finds out about Paul.
I did find one little typo of sorts: "He slides his hands into a pair of rubber gloves as crosses the dirt path."
as- as he-. Something is missing in this sentence.
Good chapter! katy
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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2019
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Barry sure is a piece of work. Yikes, and he is Jeremy's father? Wait until Jeremy finds out and then finds out about Paul.
I did find one little typo of sorts: "He slides his hands into a pair of rubber gloves as crosses the dirt path."
as- as he-. Something is missing in this sentence.
Good chapter! katy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and for catching my mistake. It's always appreciated. Jeremy will be shocked by the news for sure.
Thank you again for your kind review, all your help, support, and friendship, take care.
