Jason Drooly
A criminal becomes a hero.11 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I had smething all written out last night and just as I was ready to send this, my internet & hone went out. That is what I call a Comcast Moment. I was afraid I didn't get to vote soon enough but here I am in time after all. Now to your story: I tried to write a story with word limitation. It is very difficult to have it make sense. You did a fine job witha bit of suspense added in. The difficulty I see in these word limited stories is the writer doesn't get to flourish. There is no space for figures of speech and literary techniques. This story you've written could easily be a longer story. Maybe you could develop it into many more chapters. You have a good plot and already good beginnings for characters to continue to develop.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2019
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I had smething all written out last night and just as I was ready to send this, my internet & hone went out. That is what I call a Comcast Moment. I was afraid I didn't get to vote soon enough but here I am in time after all. Now to your story: I tried to write a story with word limitation. It is very difficult to have it make sense. You did a fine job witha bit of suspense added in. The difficulty I see in these word limited stories is the writer doesn't get to flourish. There is no space for figures of speech and literary techniques. This story you've written could easily be a longer story. Maybe you could develop it into many more chapters. You have a good plot and already good beginnings for characters to continue to develop.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2019
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Thank you! Yes, it is true that this can be a book altogether. Thanks for the encouragement! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Brenda Elizabeth Rose
If this is a true story it's very disturbing. The story is well written and tells the story well. You said it was from watching crime mystery shows. It's a great story and I found I wanted to read on to see how it ended. Great job. ~Brenda
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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If this is a true story it's very disturbing. The story is well written and tells the story well. You said it was from watching crime mystery shows. It's a great story and I found I wanted to read on to see how it ended. Great job. ~Brenda
Comment Written 11-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Thank you! It never happened, because it's only fiction literature. I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This is a very good story. However, I doubt that anything could make a serial rapist a hero. The story jumps the shark on this point. Good contest entry though.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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This is a very good story. However, I doubt that anything could make a serial rapist a hero. The story jumps the shark on this point. Good contest entry though.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Darlene Franklin
Fascinating story! Is any of it true? It's true that emergencies bring out the best in some people (and the worst in others). Or is he truly able to change his behavior, apart from God? Criminal Minds wants to know.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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Fascinating story! Is any of it true? It's true that emergencies bring out the best in some people (and the worst in others). Or is he truly able to change his behavior, apart from God? Criminal Minds wants to know.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2019
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It is only fiction and it never happened. Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed my story! Good question, though. To tell you the truth I don't know. It is only a fiction story to enjoy reading.
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Jason in the story had a change of heart and wanted to change to be a good person. He regretted his crimes and turned good.
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Oh, yes, that was evident in the way you wrote it.
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I'm glad that answers your question.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
a very good plot for a story. I'm glad that other people like to write crime stories other than me. That's one thing I must get use to on FS because they have us write crime and suspense a lot.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2019
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a very good plot for a story. I'm glad that other people like to write crime stories other than me. That's one thing I must get use to on FS because they have us write crime and suspense a lot.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2019
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Thank you! :) I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Interesting reverse of the story. Once the villain now wants to be the hero:"e calls the police and negotiates with them. His demands to deliver Arthur, Carrie, and himself to them. His favor is: Be recognized as a hero and to lower his sentence. The police agreed to his claim and made public his act." Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019
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Interesting reverse of the story. Once the villain now wants to be the hero:"e calls the police and negotiates with them. His demands to deliver Arthur, Carrie, and himself to them. His favor is: Be recognized as a hero and to lower his sentence. The police agreed to his claim and made public his act." Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements nicely as you deliver a complete story about a bad guy turned hero within the word count allotted. It is well penned with no SPAG to be had making for a smooth read. The storyline is clever and has lots of potential. I can't put my finger on why, but this just didn't evoke any emotion or sense of suspense in me. It could be the word choices were rather clinical. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019
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This meets the contest requirements nicely as you deliver a complete story about a bad guy turned hero within the word count allotted. It is well penned with no SPAG to be had making for a smooth read. The storyline is clever and has lots of potential. I can't put my finger on why, but this just didn't evoke any emotion or sense of suspense in me. It could be the word choices were rather clinical. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Alex Rosel
This entry meets the remit of the contest. The pace of the narrative moves along appropriately. Well done!
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
Jason Drooly has raped eight women in the 2000's decade -- Spag? I see an apostrophe used a lot when people reference a decade. Yet both The Chicago Manual of Style (ref, 7.15) and New Hart's Rules (ref, 11.6.1) recommend an omission of any apostrophe. So, I'd write it as in the 2000s decade.
What they don't know is that he still is inside the states somewhere. -- I'd capitalize "States" as it's a proper noun.
I like the last paragraph; it's bring this story to an uplifting finish {smiles}.
Best of luck with this when the voting booth opens {smiles}.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019
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This entry meets the remit of the contest. The pace of the narrative moves along appropriately. Well done!
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
Jason Drooly has raped eight women in the 2000's decade -- Spag? I see an apostrophe used a lot when people reference a decade. Yet both The Chicago Manual of Style (ref, 7.15) and New Hart's Rules (ref, 11.6.1) recommend an omission of any apostrophe. So, I'd write it as in the 2000s decade.
What they don't know is that he still is inside the states somewhere. -- I'd capitalize "States" as it's a proper noun.
I like the last paragraph; it's bring this story to an uplifting finish {smiles}.
Best of luck with this when the voting booth opens {smiles}.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from tim dodd
this is a bit choppy. But its a good hero story about redemption.
The writing seems good but you didn't describe the scenery
enough. there ia know emotion in it either. You speak kind of matter of factly about the crimes like they don't matter. No guilt by the hero
for his past crimes either.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019
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this is a bit choppy. But its a good hero story about redemption.
The writing seems good but you didn't describe the scenery
enough. there ia know emotion in it either. You speak kind of matter of factly about the crimes like they don't matter. No guilt by the hero
for his past crimes either.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019
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Thank you! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Cindy Warren
I'm glad Jason was able to rescue the girl and catch Arthur. A couple of things, numbers should be spelled out, eg. 12 should be twelve. The attic is at the top of the house, downstairs is the cellar.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019
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I'm glad Jason was able to rescue the girl and catch Arthur. A couple of things, numbers should be spelled out, eg. 12 should be twelve. The attic is at the top of the house, downstairs is the cellar.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2019
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Thank you! Thanks for the advice! I will fix the mistakes. I'm so happy that you enjoyed my story!
