Elusive
A 3-5-3 poem11 total reviews
Comment from Mia Twysted
The air between two people, I never thought of it being "elusive". There is a shred of mystery somehow here. The breath was...is...between the lovers. How did they lose it and why did it have to be "recaptured"?
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The air between two people, I never thought of it being "elusive". There is a shred of mystery somehow here. The breath was...is...between the lovers. How did they lose it and why did it have to be "recaptured"?
Comment Written 08-Oct-2019
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
I guess it wasn't elusive for very long. I guess that it just needed the two of them to reconnect again. I really like how you've presented this and enjoyed reading this well written work. Well done!
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I guess it wasn't elusive for very long. I guess that it just needed the two of them to reconnect again. I really like how you've presented this and enjoyed reading this well written work. Well done!
Comment Written 08-Oct-2019
Comment from Bill Schott
This 3-5-3 air poem, Elusive, has the right set up and finds the osculating couple sharing precious oxygen between powerful smooches. Makes one pant a bit.
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This 3-5-3 air poem, Elusive, has the right set up and finds the osculating couple sharing precious oxygen between powerful smooches. Makes one pant a bit.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2019
Comment from LyndaS
Love the word 'recaptured' here. Its says a lot. This is a great poem with some nice art to support it. Love the message. Good luck in your booth. Well done! Lynda
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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Love the word 'recaptured' here. Its says a lot. This is a great poem with some nice art to support it. Love the message. Good luck in your booth. Well done! Lynda
Comment Written 07-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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Thank you very much
Comment from Pantygynt
I have a problem with this because I am not sure that you mean 'illusive'. As far as I know the existence of this word, presumably having something to do with illusions, is only found in the 'Illusive Festival'.
I think it more likely you meant 'elusive' meaning hard to capture because of that last line in which the lover's elusive breath is recaptured.
You need to change that.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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I have a problem with this because I am not sure that you mean 'illusive'. As far as I know the existence of this word, presumably having something to do with illusions, is only found in the 'Illusive Festival'.
I think it more likely you meant 'elusive' meaning hard to capture because of that last line in which the lover's elusive breath is recaptured.
You need to change that.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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Many thanks, you are quite correct, thank you for the help
Comment from NickieT
I enjoy this unique take on a kiss - where the focus in on the more ethereal breath shared by the lovers instead of the physicality of their lips. Beautifully done. Best of luck with this entry =)
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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I enjoy this unique take on a kiss - where the focus in on the more ethereal breath shared by the lovers instead of the physicality of their lips. Beautifully done. Best of luck with this entry =)
Comment Written 07-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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Thank you very much
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Ahhh... reunion or rediscovery - always such a wonderful story! :) Way to say a lot without saying it in this contest offering! ;) Thanx for sharing and best of luck at the polls! ;)
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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Ahhh... reunion or rediscovery - always such a wonderful story! :) Way to say a lot without saying it in this contest offering! ;) Thanx for sharing and best of luck at the polls! ;)
Comment Written 07-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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Thank you very much
Comment from humpwhistle
I can't say I fully understand this poem.
Perhaps it's the apostrophe in 'lover's'?
Do you mean that to be a possessive?
Are you saying lovers have a hard time catching their breath?
Sorry. I'm lost.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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I can't say I fully understand this poem.
Perhaps it's the apostrophe in 'lover's'?
Do you mean that to be a possessive?
Are you saying lovers have a hard time catching their breath?
Sorry. I'm lost.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 07-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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Thank you, I have removed the apostrophe, many thanks
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice artwork and
presentation.
-The syllable count is good.
-The use of "illusive" is a
good description to begin the poem.
-"Recaptured" ends the poem
well and both relate to
the middle line very well.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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-Nice artwork and
presentation.
-The syllable count is good.
-The use of "illusive" is a
good description to begin the poem.
-"Recaptured" ends the poem
well and both relate to
the middle line very well.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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Thank you and I have corrected, many thanks
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You are quite welcome.
Comment from Alex Rosel
Oh, I do think this is a clever poem in response to the contest's remit. Also, the "recaptured" is very evocative. I'm sure many readers will likely relate to that {winks}.
Best of luck with this when the voting booth opens {smiles}.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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Oh, I do think this is a clever poem in response to the contest's remit. Also, the "recaptured" is very evocative. I'm sure many readers will likely relate to that {winks}.
Best of luck with this when the voting booth opens {smiles}.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2019
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Thank you very much
