The Convict Train
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "The Hunt Begins"Levi escorts a train full of dangerous convicts
4 total reviews
Comment from poetwatch
You must have done some tracking yourself, Mr Green. :) I like your story it kept me riveted to every word you used. I like this part of your tracking. ("When he done reached that point there, the hooligan jumped onto this fallen tree and some of the dung from his boot was left in the bark of this tree.) could use a (") at the end. (We continue to follow the trail young feller,) one at the start. You keep writing this great westerns, I'm learning. :)
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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You must have done some tracking yourself, Mr Green. :) I like your story it kept me riveted to every word you used. I like this part of your tracking. ("When he done reached that point there, the hooligan jumped onto this fallen tree and some of the dung from his boot was left in the bark of this tree.) could use a (") at the end. (We continue to follow the trail young feller,) one at the start. You keep writing this great westerns, I'm learning. :)
Comment Written 04-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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Thank you poetwatch, your review are important to me. I just posted chapter 24, and this leaves one (maybe two) more chapters to write, before this story is finished. I hope to hear from you again.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Joseph Paterson followed closely, as he watched in wonderment at the patients,[patience]
I found that one spag, Larry. You have written another interesting chapter with authentic facts and western atmosphere. I always enjoy what you post and look forward to more. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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Joseph Paterson followed closely, as he watched in wonderment at the patients,[patience]
I found that one spag, Larry. You have written another interesting chapter with authentic facts and western atmosphere. I always enjoy what you post and look forward to more. Nancy:)
Comment Written 04-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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Hi Nancy, thank you for your kind words. I hope to finish this story soon and send it off to my editor. I would like to publish it early next year. I just posted chapter 24, this leaves me with one (maybe two) more chapters left.
Comment from Alex Rosel
I haven't read the previous chapters of this, so I come to it cold. However, it is a story which I could immediately figure out what was going on {smiles}.
You style of brief paragraphs keeps the pace of the prose moving, but in places, I think it also breaks the logical flow of the narrative.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
a careful search was made to find the stow-away -- I wouldn't hyphenate "stowaway".
Then John Barnabus and Badger looked at each other -- In general, if the narrative follows the normal chronology, time modifiers are unnecessary, and if used, they tend to detract from the pace of the prose. In this case, Then is a redundant time modifier that might be beneficially omitted.
Tracking was about patients -- Spag? I think you mean "patience".
Badger scratched his whiskers as he studied the back trail -- Here, the action of scratching adds to the characterization, as does the whiskers {smiles}.
"..., He's gonna want to know where we are -- Spag? I'm uncertain why you've included the comma after the ellipsis.
For it was in that moment, he understood the words of Casper Hayes. -- A nice sign-off for this chapter. It'll likely have the reader wanting to turn the page {smiles}.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2019
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I haven't read the previous chapters of this, so I come to it cold. However, it is a story which I could immediately figure out what was going on {smiles}.
You style of brief paragraphs keeps the pace of the prose moving, but in places, I think it also breaks the logical flow of the narrative.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
a careful search was made to find the stow-away -- I wouldn't hyphenate "stowaway".
Then John Barnabus and Badger looked at each other -- In general, if the narrative follows the normal chronology, time modifiers are unnecessary, and if used, they tend to detract from the pace of the prose. In this case, Then is a redundant time modifier that might be beneficially omitted.
Tracking was about patients -- Spag? I think you mean "patience".
Badger scratched his whiskers as he studied the back trail -- Here, the action of scratching adds to the characterization, as does the whiskers {smiles}.
"..., He's gonna want to know where we are -- Spag? I'm uncertain why you've included the comma after the ellipsis.
For it was in that moment, he understood the words of Casper Hayes. -- A nice sign-off for this chapter. It'll likely have the reader wanting to turn the page {smiles}.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2019
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Thank you very much for your review. I will go back and take another look at the chapter.
Comment from Pathim
Nice read. It reminds of a story I would read for a college thesis. It has a very strong sense of mystery. The relentlessness of Badger makes for a very interesting climax. Good job.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2019
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Nice read. It reminds of a story I would read for a college thesis. It has a very strong sense of mystery. The relentlessness of Badger makes for a very interesting climax. Good job.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2019
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Thank you Pathim, for your kind review. I am glad you enjoyed the chapter. This will be the last book in a trilogy.
