Pushed Too Far
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Out for Blood"Shocking news sends Jeremy over the edge.
18 total reviews
Comment from royowen
Somehow I don't think Paul will be in a fit state to take care of any threat that he's made. The boar has dealt with Paul's just deserts, and give him what may be a mortal wound. Beautifully written, like you, I don't like bullies to win either. Well done my friend, blessings, Roy
Typo : Razor sharp tusk Pierc(es) his leg. 2: scrape across his (calve) calf? 3; his body plunges (to) the ground.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Somehow I don't think Paul will be in a fit state to take care of any threat that he's made. The boar has dealt with Paul's just deserts, and give him what may be a mortal wound. Beautifully written, like you, I don't like bullies to win either. Well done my friend, blessings, Roy
Typo : Razor sharp tusk Pierc(es) his leg. 2: scrape across his (calve) calf? 3; his body plunges (to) the ground.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for your helpful review, it's always greatly appreciated. Paul's punishment is far from over. He fell to the ground, the boar is waking up, and Jeremy is on the hunt. Of course, the smell of fresh blood might bring a few wolves his way.
Thank you again for your kind review, all of your help, support, and friendship. It always means a lot to me, take care.
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Most welcome
Comment from tfawcus
The counterbalance between your graphic description of Paul's encounter with the wild boar and the tender hospital scene is effective. The first part had great impetus, with Paul fighting for his life. It would be worth going through it though, for further tightening such as testing the need for each adverb, dropping words like 'just', and weighing where repetition reinforces the action and where it slows the breathless pace.
Nice writing nonetheless, and a narrative that continues to engage the reader.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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The counterbalance between your graphic description of Paul's encounter with the wild boar and the tender hospital scene is effective. The first part had great impetus, with Paul fighting for his life. It would be worth going through it though, for further tightening such as testing the need for each adverb, dropping words like 'just', and weighing where repetition reinforces the action and where it slows the breathless pace.
Nice writing nonetheless, and a narrative that continues to engage the reader.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful review. I'm so glad that you felt engaged. I will take another run-through, see what I can do.
Thank you again for your kind review, and your constructive advice, it's always greatly appreciated. How I learn and grow as a writer. Take care.
Comment from Cindy Warren
Oh, I love the excitement here, and the suspense! Will the boar kill Paul before Jeremy gets to him? And what if Jeremy meets the boar? As for the parents being in danger, I think the Pauls of the world are very good at making threats, but not so good at carrying them out, especially once the police are involved. They're probably OK.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Oh, I love the excitement here, and the suspense! Will the boar kill Paul before Jeremy gets to him? And what if Jeremy meets the boar? As for the parents being in danger, I think the Pauls of the world are very good at making threats, but not so good at carrying them out, especially once the police are involved. They're probably OK.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for such a fantastic review. You made my week. I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much, I am honored. Paul is in a very tough situation Jeremy, the boar or the law. Which is the less of the three evils? I'm sure a pretty boy like him will be very popular in prison. It serves him right doing what he did.
Thank you again for all your help, your support, friendship and for this marvelous six-star. It means so much to me, take care.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hi Mistydawn. The confrontation between Paul and the wild boar was creative. I was deployed with the Army nearly 50 years ago in a location where there were wild boars. They are extremely dangerous animals. I'm still reading. :) Keep going. Robert
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Hi Mistydawn. The confrontation between Paul and the wild boar was creative. I was deployed with the Army nearly 50 years ago in a location where there were wild boars. They are extremely dangerous animals. I'm still reading. :) Keep going. Robert
Comment Written 01-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review. I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter. I watched a you-tube video about a boar and a wolf. The boar held his own. Well, until three wolf buddies decided to help. He still might've got away, I don't know, like to think he did. It was looking pretty bad for him so I stopped watching. I know that's all part of nature but still...
Thank you again for all your help, your support and friendship. It means the world to me, take care.
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You're very welcome.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
I like this story a lot. It has a great deal of action. However, I did see one place where it strayed from reality.
He looks towards the ground and discovers the animal is still out cold.
Either Paul is Paul Bunyan or he has a bionic leg.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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I like this story a lot. It has a great deal of action. However, I did see one place where it strayed from reality.
He looks towards the ground and discovers the animal is still out cold.
Either Paul is Paul Bunyan or he has a bionic leg.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for your encouragement. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. You're right it'd be unlikely the boar would be out that long. So I added this to add to his injury. Smacking the edge of a large boulder on his way down. Does that make it more realistic?
Thank you again for your kind review and all your support, it means a great deal to me, take care.
Comment from His Grayness
I think this work demonstrates very good skills in writing and certainly shows excellent strength in holding strong reader attention with a story line that grips well in all dimensions. I enjoyed it very much! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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I think this work demonstrates very good skills in writing and certainly shows excellent strength in holding strong reader attention with a story line that grips well in all dimensions. I enjoyed it very much! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment Written 01-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review. I am so glad you enjoyed it. That means a lot to me. There's plenty more action to come. Jeremy is on a warpath, Paul still has to face the wild beast. I do hope you stick around to find out what happens next.
Thank you again for your kind review. It's greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from mrobyn
Certainly gripping drawing the reader into the story. Personally I am not a fan of too much descriptive language as in paragraph 1 and the storyline tends to mimic a number of teen series that I have watched. But I am left wanting to know Paul's fate however and wanting to read on - and at the end of the day all of those teen thrillers worked and even won awards so it is a theme that tends to work - the school hotshot bully, the nerd, etc.
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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Certainly gripping drawing the reader into the story. Personally I am not a fan of too much descriptive language as in paragraph 1 and the storyline tends to mimic a number of teen series that I have watched. But I am left wanting to know Paul's fate however and wanting to read on - and at the end of the day all of those teen thrillers worked and even won awards so it is a theme that tends to work - the school hotshot bully, the nerd, etc.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful review, I am so glad you enjoyed it. I wanted to tell it from the bullied victim's POV. To show why they retaliate, end up doing what they do. Maybe help find a logical solution to all this violence. See, the first three chapters have shown Jeremy's constant humiliation from his peers.
Thank you again for your kind review, it's always greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from Ben Colder
I know a little something about the wild hogs. I have hunted and killed many in the river bottoms of Arkansas. The story unfolds an interest as these young people learn a few things. I found no mistakes and wish you well
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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I know a little something about the wild hogs. I have hunted and killed many in the river bottoms of Arkansas. The story unfolds an interest as these young people learn a few things. I found no mistakes and wish you well
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Thank you so much for such a kind review. I'm glad you liked it, found it to be realistic. Those boars can be vicious, I watched one on youtube fight off three wolves. Luckily, I've never encountered one and hope I never do.
Thank you again for your great review. It's always appreciated, take care.
