Assassin Nation
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Reunion"A sequel to the novel Baker's Dozen
8 total reviews
Comment from brenda faye curtis
While this is well written and interesting, it's been so long since I read a chapter, I've lost some details of the story. I went back to read previous chapters, but the last one's missing, and I'm just a little lost now, despite having read some earlier ones. I'll try again later.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2019
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While this is well written and interesting, it's been so long since I read a chapter, I've lost some details of the story. I went back to read previous chapters, but the last one's missing, and I'm just a little lost now, despite having read some earlier ones. I'll try again later.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2019
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Thanks, Brenda, for giving it a look.
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You're welcome, Bill.
Comment from kahpot
Another great read, I will have to go back for a refresher I think as I couldn't stop thinking about the fight between the twins as my last read, though this story/chapter is familiar, I like the change of font for the talking and thinking of the characters, very well written****kahpot
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2019
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Another great read, I will have to go back for a refresher I think as I couldn't stop thinking about the fight between the twins as my last read, though this story/chapter is familiar, I like the change of font for the talking and thinking of the characters, very well written****kahpot
Comment Written 02-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2019
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Thank you, kahpot, I actually need to rewrite this chapter as I accidentally put it in scene form instead of conventional story.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Bill, I'm a bit confused here. It's a great story and the dialogue is great, as well. But what I can't figure out is whether this is supposed to be a script. If so it lacks a bit as far as I know. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Hi Bill, I'm a bit confused here. It's a great story and the dialogue is great, as well. But what I can't figure out is whether this is supposed to be a script. If so it lacks a bit as far as I know. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 01-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Yes, I know. I had come off a script scene for aprons and Ned and began this with that in mind. It obviously can?t be a story or a script scene in this hybrid form. What about the story?
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I think it's a great story and it has a lot going for it. So keep writing. But you have to make a decision whether it's a script or a piece of prose. LOL
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
Is this a script or a story? The reason I ask is that it's listed at the top as a story and then written as a script so I am really unsure what to review it as. If it is a story than the manner in which the dialog is written makes this a four as it doesn't follow the proper rules of prose. If it is a script than it is a five. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Is this a script or a story? The reason I ask is that it's listed at the top as a story and then written as a script so I am really unsure what to review it as. If it is a story than the manner in which the dialog is written makes this a four as it doesn't follow the proper rules of prose. If it is a script than it is a five. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
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Well I?ll be switched. I finished a scene for Pons and Ned and went into a new chapter for Assassination. As you can see, the narration wouldn?t do for a script, and the dialogue set up is not proper for a story. Can I keep the five anyway?
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LOL! Of course you can, but I'd fix this before another person who actually reads and reviews properly gets hold of it.
Comment from lyenochka
Mother? I'm confused isn't Millie the experiment twin daughter so shouldn't Samanthrax be the mother? It's been a while so I'll have to go back to your earlier posts. It's reading more like a script now. I'm worried for Baker to be among that mix of people!
"Manual Kontroz had stayed busy " (Manuel)
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Mother? I'm confused isn't Millie the experiment twin daughter so shouldn't Samanthrax be the mother? It's been a while so I'll have to go back to your earlier posts. It's reading more like a script now. I'm worried for Baker to be among that mix of people!
"Manual Kontroz had stayed busy " (Manuel)
Comment Written 30-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Millie was last seen in 1970, so she is much older. Baker has been ?wiped?, so he?s back in sleeper mode.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Go ahead, Mr. Butcher. (LOL)
How is your assignment here going.(question mark)
Manowitz: It's Millimeter. (LOL)
A well written chapter, my friend. I love the humor. We all need more of that~Debbie
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Go ahead, Mr. Butcher. (LOL)
How is your assignment here going.(question mark)
Manowitz: It's Millimeter. (LOL)
A well written chapter, my friend. I love the humor. We all need more of that~Debbie
Comment Written 30-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Thank you, Debbie
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow my head spins of too much politics and the slang and protocol. You must have done your research on this subject:) You seems to know the drill and here is an example:"
Meanwhile, Congresswoman Manowitz arrives from the airport and is escorted through the White House to the Vice President's reception area.
Baker: Good morning, Representative Manowitz. I am Ben Baker, the Vice President's assistant. I would like to take a few minutes, if you will, to go over my notes to assure a productive meeting between the VP and yourself.
Monowitz: Certainly, Mr. Baker. I'm sure Jason can get his pants on by the time we're done.
Baker: Smiling, he imagined that Mr. Marr might indeed have a page bent over his desk. It wouldn't be the first. He has simply asked that I double check all that there is to discuss to streamline both of your schedules."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Wow my head spins of too much politics and the slang and protocol. You must have done your research on this subject:) You seems to know the drill and here is an example:"
Meanwhile, Congresswoman Manowitz arrives from the airport and is escorted through the White House to the Vice President's reception area.
Baker: Good morning, Representative Manowitz. I am Ben Baker, the Vice President's assistant. I would like to take a few minutes, if you will, to go over my notes to assure a productive meeting between the VP and yourself.
Monowitz: Certainly, Mr. Baker. I'm sure Jason can get his pants on by the time we're done.
Baker: Smiling, he imagined that Mr. Marr might indeed have a page bent over his desk. It wouldn't be the first. He has simply asked that I double check all that there is to discuss to streamline both of your schedules."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Thanks, Iza
Comment from nomi338
Oh no you didn't! How could you do this? You just threw a monkey wrench into all that I was thinking about this situation when out of nowhere, you just created a whole other situation that I now have to deal with. I am dizzy and behind an eight ball. Thoroughly enjoying myself all the while. Keep it up.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Oh no you didn't! How could you do this? You just threw a monkey wrench into all that I was thinking about this situation when out of nowhere, you just created a whole other situation that I now have to deal with. I am dizzy and behind an eight ball. Thoroughly enjoying myself all the while. Keep it up.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Glad I got you, nomi. Now back to some action.
