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St Louis

Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "St. Louis Chapter 13 part 1"
Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?

18 total reviews 
Comment from the13thpoet
Excellent
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A wonderful Wednesday to you Brarbara. I enjoyed this chapter as I have the other ones. I think this chapter is the best one so far (as it pertains to their "relationship"), I think that was the talk Mac needed. It will be interesting to see where it goes from there. Good job!

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 18-Sep-2019
    I sure hope it helps Mac. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Bill Pinder
Excellent
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Excellent writing in this interesting story about searching for a killer in St. Louis. I like the communication between the characters and how they prayed before eating. It has a believable feel.
Bill

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
    Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from susand3022
Excellent
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Hi Barbara, I'm not sure when you posted this, may have been a while ago, I haven't been here for a bit and am looking under my authors for my books again to catch up with them! I love this story, and although I like that Mac has a 'vulnerable' side, and it's good to see it now and then, I hope it isn't going to get in her way! She'd have to be rescued and she'd absolutely hate that... I can see it now... the rescued kitten spitting and fighting... lol Well, I suppose I'll have to wait and see! :)

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
    Mac is a feisty one that's for sure. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Excellent
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Wow family time and lots of it in this chapter. Your Mckenzie lady is my favorite :"McKenzie answered, "Logan, go away. I didn't come from a perfect family and I'm not a perfect traditional woman like you're used to. I'm horrible a cook. I hate cleaning house. I can strip an engine, shoot pool, and play poker. You and Bill won't let me play poker. You think it's too dangerous, but I can take care of myself."
Thank you for sharing and waiting for the next chapter.

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ideasaregems-Dawn
Excellent
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"What (is) she talking about?" You need to add the "is" -- I think it reads better.

??? I don't understand this part of your plot. "Mom and Dad were murdered..." But then you say Mac's dad went to jail. Sorry, but you lost me here. Why would she say both her parents were murdered and then later, also say she was raised by her dad who beat her and her mother?

Otherwise, as always, it's realistic dialogue and excellent, rich character description.

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
    Mac's mom's dad went to jail. I reread it and unless I'm too tired, I don't see any confusion. I will recheck it this weekend. Thank you for the review.
reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 17-Sep-2019
    I'll read it again.
Comment from Ben Colder
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

The pregnant situtation reminded me of what one of the kids asked if he had been to Germany. It was said I took you over there, but your mother brought you back. Whose your Daddy LOL. Sorry to be late.

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 17-Sep-2019
    LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
Excellent
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Barbara,

You know I love your stories and enjoy reading them immensely. I almost never have anything negative to say. So it's quite unusual that I do have several remarks this time. In a way I feel kind of bad and in a way, I'm like -- HUZZAH! (hehehehe) Yeah, well, at least I'm honest about it. *smile*

I do like the relationship developing between these two. It's nice and slow, but free and easy, very comfortable.

Notes:
1.) In this next little section, I'm thinking you make a rather large leap:
*
"Yep, let's do this."

After the introductions, Logan glanced around. "It's too quiet. Where are the boys?"
*
--> seems to skip quite a bit: That both Shelia AND Simon are there. That she's given them lemonade. As I'm reading, all this stuff keeps appearing. (I mean, I was reading along where they're talking to SHELIA and suddenly Simon is there. Reading along and suddenly they have lemonade. Etc.) It occurs to me that you might need some transitional stuff - but that's ME.

2.) "I did. I completely embraced the role of (d)addy's little helper."
--> unless you say 'Daddy's Little Helper'

3.) Sheila started to stand. "I think dinner's ready."
--> this is one of those I had to learn the hard way -- hahaha -- the question always is:
--> did she START to stand or did she STAND? That 'start to' will almost always get you in trouble.
--> in this case, I think you may mean 'she ATTMPTED' to stand - or to heave herself off the couch, or etc.

4.) As he set the fruit bowl down, Simon asked, "What('s) she talking about?"
--> may I also suggest:
--> As he 'placed' the fruit bowl down

5.) was a restraint order against him. As far as I know, she's never seen him since."
--> that's well and good - but doesn't really address the last thing said, which was about the mom and dad being MURDERED. I have to think they would be quite interested in hearing more on that. (??)

6.) I'm (a horrible) cook. I hate cleaning house.

7.) McKenzie covered her mouth to hide the smile.
--> My reaction was to gasp! (Not laugh)

Thanks a bunch - hope this helps. I deliberated over lowering the rating, but some of these are debatable/matters of opinion, perhaps, and the rest of the chapter is smooth and sweet, as always.

Have a marvelous week!



 Comment Written 16-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 21-Sep-2019
    I needed time to make the corrections and reread. I appreciate the help.
Comment from sandramitchell
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I think Sheila is great. She knew just how to handle the situation, and I loved her story about throwing Simon's clothes on the landing! LOL. We certainly learned a lot more about Mac, what an unhappy life she had, no wonder she is wary of Logan, even though we know she has feelings for him, probably before she did! Superb writing, Barbara, you wrote Mac's part brilliantly, and followed it up with a brilliant chat from Sheila! I look forward to the next part, my friend. :)) Sandra xx

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 16-Sep-2019
    Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from tfawcus
Excellent
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This is a fine chapter, Barbara. The differences in childhood experiences and family life are beautifully counter-balanced. The dialogue is believable and real. I paticularly liked the part where Mac and Sheila were talking to each other. You've also introduced some new hooks to grab the reader. Great storytelling.

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 16-Sep-2019
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Excellent
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It sounds like there is much more in Mackenzie's past with her father's weakness for drink and a double murder (?) in the family that will affect how fast she trusts people, but it sounds like Sheila is good at helping people feel at home no matter what has gone on in the past. Now I am full of curiosity as to whether or not the case of the murdered sister will bring Logan and Mackenzie together quickly or slowly, or not at all. Thanks for posting.

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2019


reply by the author on 16-Sep-2019
    Thank you for the kind review.