Tragedy on Beacon Bridge
His pain became intolerable.26 total reviews
Comment from Sugarray77
This is a very well written short story and you have handled it with skill and acuteness. The addition of your meaningful notes add a depth and resonance to this write. Well written. Good luck.
Melissa
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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This is a very well written short story and you have handled it with skill and acuteness. The addition of your meaningful notes add a depth and resonance to this write. Well written. Good luck.
Melissa
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Thank you.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Slowly, he stepped towards the edge as snowflakes swirl through the piercing, blustering wind. - I think you're mixing your tenses here.
Suddenly, his cell phone rang. He ignored it until he saw the caller's name. - this doesn't ring true. In order to see the caller id, he'd have needed to have had the cell in his hand to begin with. if he hadn't he wouldn't have been ignoring it as he'd have had to have fished it out to see the id.
I liked the emotion you put into the piece up until this section which sort of undermined the believability of the scenario.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Hi there,
Slowly, he stepped towards the edge as snowflakes swirl through the piercing, blustering wind. - I think you're mixing your tenses here.
Suddenly, his cell phone rang. He ignored it until he saw the caller's name. - this doesn't ring true. In order to see the caller id, he'd have needed to have had the cell in his hand to begin with. if he hadn't he wouldn't have been ignoring it as he'd have had to have fished it out to see the id.
I liked the emotion you put into the piece up until this section which sort of undermined the believability of the scenario.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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In a Flash fiction, it's difficult to write an entire setting and action of the character, but to feed the reader with the actual conflict of the character and the climax of the ringing of that cell phone no matter where it was on his person that showed the resolution of his daughter, the person who loved and needed. Your advice is good, but difficult to had with a limited amount of words(80)
Comment from Susan Larson
How sad and how tragic that so many people have no one to turn to in their angst. No spiritual leader, no counselor, not even a sympathetic friend. Having lost two sons, I've been to the bottom. The Beatles words, "I get by with a little help from my friends" really strike a chord with me. My friends got me through it.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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How sad and how tragic that so many people have no one to turn to in their angst. No spiritual leader, no counselor, not even a sympathetic friend. Having lost two sons, I've been to the bottom. The Beatles words, "I get by with a little help from my friends" really strike a chord with me. My friends got me through it.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Thank you, and good blessings to have such wonderful friends.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a sad and poignant story and those we leave behind are the ones who suffer in these circumstances, you highlighted the essence of this act here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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This is a sad and poignant story and those we leave behind are the ones who suffer in these circumstances, you highlighted the essence of this act here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Thank you
Comment from Patty Palmer
Very good! You got a lot said in those 80 words and said well! Those who get to that brink aren't thinking at the moment how someone who loves them is going to hurt.
Many people live the rest of their lives carrying a burden of guilt because they think they did something wrong for the other committing suicide!
Great job!
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Very good! You got a lot said in those 80 words and said well! Those who get to that brink aren't thinking at the moment how someone who loves them is going to hurt.
Many people live the rest of their lives carrying a burden of guilt because they think they did something wrong for the other committing suicide!
Great job!
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from Susan X Smith
This is a charming little story which is an excellent response to the flash fiction challenge. It tells us so much in an elegant manner and within the small space allowed. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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This is a charming little story which is an excellent response to the flash fiction challenge. It tells us so much in an elegant manner and within the small space allowed. Keep writing.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Enjoyed your review, thank you.
Comment from Cindy Warren
I heard the other day that more people die by suicide than in car accidents. If there was a disease killing that many people, society would be flipping out. Yes, mental health is important. The sad thing is people with mental heath issues are stigmatized and rejected. That needs to change.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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I heard the other day that more people die by suicide than in car accidents. If there was a disease killing that many people, society would be flipping out. Yes, mental health is important. The sad thing is people with mental heath issues are stigmatized and rejected. That needs to change.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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I agree with your comments, thank you.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Cancer is the new enemy of our lives, so many people are fighting against it. Thank God for the child call, otherwise will be both parents gone. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Cancer is the new enemy of our lives, so many people are fighting against it. Thank God for the child call, otherwise will be both parents gone. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Thank you.
Comment from Darlene Franklin
Oh, I hope he listened to his daughter's cry. Thanks for speaking to this subject. I lost my daughter to suicide. I know they don't do it to hurt us, in fact, often they think they're making our lives easier. Oh, daddy, plelase come home.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Oh, I hope he listened to his daughter's cry. Thanks for speaking to this subject. I lost my daughter to suicide. I know they don't do it to hurt us, in fact, often they think they're making our lives easier. Oh, daddy, plelase come home.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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thank you. I am very sorry for your tragedy.
Comment from DonandVicki
I think that your short fiction says a thousand words. Suicide is one of the most selfish acts a person can commit, those that are left behind are the ones that continue to suffer.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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I think that your short fiction says a thousand words. Suicide is one of the most selfish acts a person can commit, those that are left behind are the ones that continue to suffer.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thank you for that review. I agree with you for the grieving family that is the importance of mental health in our healthcare system.
