Before the Dawn
Kyrielle Sonnet ~ More European forms class31 total reviews
Comment from Heather Knight
How beautiful!
I love these lines:
Before the dawn I'll steal away,
to watch the sunrise break below.
Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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How beautiful!
I love these lines:
Before the dawn I'll steal away,
to watch the sunrise break below.
Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Hello Maria... When I was writing this sonnet, which I must admit is very difficult, I really had trouble developing the couplet because it is the first line and last line of the first stanza. Whew... making it sensible is a real doozy. Thanks so much for liking it!
Melissa
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Well, you did very well in my opinion.
Comment from robyn corum
Melissa,
I always wonder what they look for in these 'Rhyming Poetry Contests'. If I was on the committee, I would probably be looking for poems more like this - that do some kind of poetic stunts. *smile*
A regular poem that happens to include a rhyme doesn't seem near as ambitious... (which is what I entered into this contest, btw. YIKES)
A great entry and offering. Thanks and good luck!
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Melissa,
I always wonder what they look for in these 'Rhyming Poetry Contests'. If I was on the committee, I would probably be looking for poems more like this - that do some kind of poetic stunts. *smile*
A regular poem that happens to include a rhyme doesn't seem near as ambitious... (which is what I entered into this contest, btw. YIKES)
A great entry and offering. Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Hi Robyn. Thank you. This Kyrielle sonnet was a real challenge and I am so glad you liked it. :)
Melissa
Comment from Father Flaps
Sorry, Melissa, I have no six-stars left in my drawer! But I would love to use one on this poem. Again, you've written a very peaceful kyrielle sonnet. You're getting very good at these poetic forms. Good for you!
"The (quietness) of the atmosphere
is always (muted) way up here." ... This was a bump for me. How can
you mute something that is already quiet? Therefore I suggest,
(The stillness of the atmosphere
is always noticed way up here.)
"A cup of coffee in my hand,
as sunlight (slips) across the land,
and spills an ever spreading glow,
to watch the sunrise break below." ... For me, "slips" doesn't fit. It tells me that something is going, not coming. And sunrise is coming. Also, I'd use a hyphen for "ever spreading". So I suggest,
(A cup of coffee in my hand,
as sunlight crawls across the land,
and spills an ever-spreading glow,
to watch the sunrise break below.) ...you might miss the alliteration of "sunlight slips", but you pick up another c-c, as in the first line...
"cup of coffee/crawls across". I believe "cup of coffee" would be considered alliteration. However, "crawls across" would be considered an example of consonance. Actually, the "a" of "crawls" and the "o" of "across" sound exactly the same, too. An example of assonance, vowels that sound the same.
Nicely penned!
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Sorry, Melissa, I have no six-stars left in my drawer! But I would love to use one on this poem. Again, you've written a very peaceful kyrielle sonnet. You're getting very good at these poetic forms. Good for you!
"The (quietness) of the atmosphere
is always (muted) way up here." ... This was a bump for me. How can
you mute something that is already quiet? Therefore I suggest,
(The stillness of the atmosphere
is always noticed way up here.)
"A cup of coffee in my hand,
as sunlight (slips) across the land,
and spills an ever spreading glow,
to watch the sunrise break below." ... For me, "slips" doesn't fit. It tells me that something is going, not coming. And sunrise is coming. Also, I'd use a hyphen for "ever spreading". So I suggest,
(A cup of coffee in my hand,
as sunlight crawls across the land,
and spills an ever-spreading glow,
to watch the sunrise break below.) ...you might miss the alliteration of "sunlight slips", but you pick up another c-c, as in the first line...
"cup of coffee/crawls across". I believe "cup of coffee" would be considered alliteration. However, "crawls across" would be considered an example of consonance. Actually, the "a" of "crawls" and the "o" of "across" sound exactly the same, too. An example of assonance, vowels that sound the same.
Nicely penned!
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Hello Kimbob.... thanks so much. I really liked the review and love your suggestions. I will go take a look and compare. :)
Melissa
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Melissa!
How I appreciate the rhythm, cadence, and message of your exceptionally-crafted Kyrielle. I was right beside you as you journeyed!
Best wishes!
Diane
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Hello Melissa!
How I appreciate the rhythm, cadence, and message of your exceptionally-crafted Kyrielle. I was right beside you as you journeyed!
Best wishes!
Diane
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Hello there, Diane! I am so glad you liked this verse. I am often up with the sunrise, but have to look above the trees. I think it would be lovely to be on tat mountaintop and see it from above. Thanks so much, my friend.
Melissa
Comment from Darlene Franklin
Lucky you, to have a mountain top to escape to early in the morning. "To watch the sunrise break below." I envy you your perch! Good luck with your contest entry.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Lucky you, to have a mountain top to escape to early in the morning. "To watch the sunrise break below." I envy you your perch! Good luck with your contest entry.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thanks so much, Darlene. I really am glad you liked this verse!!
Melissa
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You're welcome.
Comment from Mistydawn
This is such a beautiful poem. It's very well-written and has a nice even flow. Like every poem you write, your great description takes the reader on a mental journey with you. I wish I had a six, but I'm afraid I'm all out.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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This is such a beautiful poem. It's very well-written and has a nice even flow. Like every poem you write, your great description takes the reader on a mental journey with you. I wish I had a six, but I'm afraid I'm all out.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thanks so much, Misty. I am very glad that you like the tempo and flow of this kyrielle sonnet.
Melissa
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Wow! Another beauty, Melissa. You keep serving up these lovely skillfully-written descriptions of awe-inspiring nature scenes. Once again, I'm saying "Oh, I want to go there."
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Wow! Another beauty, Melissa. You keep serving up these lovely skillfully-written descriptions of awe-inspiring nature scenes. Once again, I'm saying "Oh, I want to go there."
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Hi Janice. I would love to go find that mountaintop and see that view for myself. I do thank you for your great review!!
Melissa
Comment from Pantygynt
you will never get that red truck of yours to the top of that mountain. Lol. you are going to have to carry a thermos all the way if you want coffee on the summit.
I am teasing you though. It is a perfectly sound kyrielle an the unusual twist of watching the sun rise below you did not pass unnoticed either.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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you will never get that red truck of yours to the top of that mountain. Lol. you are going to have to carry a thermos all the way if you want coffee on the summit.
I am teasing you though. It is a perfectly sound kyrielle an the unusual twist of watching the sun rise below you did not pass unnoticed either.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Haha... the coffee pot was emptied an hour ago on this lazy Saturday morning. Nothing for the thermos...
Thank your for this great review and the guidance you give us on these forms. I am really learning a lot!! :)
Melissa
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements splendidly as you deliver a well penned Rhymed Poem which tantalizes the reader's imagination and emotions. I applaud your use of the Kyrielle Sonnet as so few entries offer the more structured styles in these contests. Your third stanza is by far my favorite as the imagery here is absolutely perfection. Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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This meets the contest requirements splendidly as you deliver a well penned Rhymed Poem which tantalizes the reader's imagination and emotions. I applaud your use of the Kyrielle Sonnet as so few entries offer the more structured styles in these contests. Your third stanza is by far my favorite as the imagery here is absolutely perfection. Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Hello MA... thank you for a wonderful review that just warms my heart!! I am really delighted that you like it and think its ok to use in a contest. Thanks so much!
Melissa
Comment from Sally Law
I wish I could steal away to the mountains. How lovely this is, Melissa. I miss my Blue Ridge Mountains, my home for years. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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I wish I could steal away to the mountains. How lovely this is, Melissa. I miss my Blue Ridge Mountains, my home for years. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much, Sally!!
Melissa
