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Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Awakening Pt.1"A Romantic, Superhero-like, Geek Horror story.
5 total reviews
Comment from Sallyo
Poor El is clearly having a bad time, but he seems the kind who will make the best of things and make lemonade when life gives him lemons. Let's hope he gets lots of lemons soon!
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Poor El is clearly having a bad time, but he seems the kind who will make the best of things and make lemonade when life gives him lemons. Let's hope he gets lots of lemons soon!
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thank you for an uplifting and positive feedback. I hope you are able to read future chapters. Thank you again!
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
How distant memory sometimes haunts to gallop with the current memories, sportingly and naturally, is well placed, said and done, I enjoyed the read of this work.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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How distant memory sometimes haunts to gallop with the current memories, sportingly and naturally, is well placed, said and done, I enjoyed the read of this work.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thank you for an encouraging and supportive review. I really need to hear this. Thank you!
Comment from lyenochka
Great job with this one. You create a clear emotional response to the caring mother who doesn't really know sports to the athletic father who refuses to acknowledge his son's talents. Hoping that El will surprise the pitcher!
"over protective parents, " (overprotective)
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Great job with this one. You create a clear emotional response to the caring mother who doesn't really know sports to the athletic father who refuses to acknowledge his son's talents. Hoping that El will surprise the pitcher!
"over protective parents, " (overprotective)
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thank you, Helen! I appreciate your support and review. I can?t wait to submit the next chapter. It?ll be quite a shocking relevation. Thank you!
Comment from Alex Rosel
This provided a pleasant read. I hope to catch the following post {smiles}.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
His sister, who just began kindergarten, needed more attention than what his father could provide her -- If this was mine, I'd delete the "what". It reads better without it.
When El was able to practic -- Spag? I think you mean "practice" and not "practic".
pieces of binder paper that he crumbled and taped together to form a very crude sphere -- I like the imagery here {smiles}.
Besides, though awkward as it was to use a softball bat for baseball games -- I'd omit the "though". It'll make the sentence less awkward to read.
The fact he was almost legal to drink alcohol seemed to emit an aura of invincibility to the rest of the players. -- I like this. It's indicative of typical teenager reasoning {smiles}.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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This provided a pleasant read. I hope to catch the following post {smiles}.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
His sister, who just began kindergarten, needed more attention than what his father could provide her -- If this was mine, I'd delete the "what". It reads better without it.
When El was able to practic -- Spag? I think you mean "practice" and not "practic".
pieces of binder paper that he crumbled and taped together to form a very crude sphere -- I like the imagery here {smiles}.
Besides, though awkward as it was to use a softball bat for baseball games -- I'd omit the "though". It'll make the sentence less awkward to read.
The fact he was almost legal to drink alcohol seemed to emit an aura of invincibility to the rest of the players. -- I like this. It's indicative of typical teenager reasoning {smiles}.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thank you for an encouraging and positive review. Your edits are well noted. Thank you!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Interesting development oft your main character. This part made me laugh:"
On the other hand, Eu El spent his developmental years perfecting the art and science of babysitting. This was at his father's request. His sister, who just began kindergarten, needed more attention than what his father could provide her between every televised inning of a Boston Red Sox game, or the amount of money he threw away to the relatives in East Asia. His father did have a plan for the future, but it did not include El."
Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Interesting development oft your main character. This part made me laugh:"
On the other hand, Eu El spent his developmental years perfecting the art and science of babysitting. This was at his father's request. His sister, who just began kindergarten, needed more attention than what his father could provide her between every televised inning of a Boston Red Sox game, or the amount of money he threw away to the relatives in East Asia. His father did have a plan for the future, but it did not include El."
Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thank you for this encouraging and well received review!
