Hindsight
If only life could be lived backwards12 total reviews
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are meaningful, descriptive and creative. The reader
pondered on how our adult children learn from their mistakes. The poem
flows and connects well. The artwork is perfect and compliments this
poem.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2019
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The author's words are meaningful, descriptive and creative. The reader
pondered on how our adult children learn from their mistakes. The poem
flows and connects well. The artwork is perfect and compliments this
poem.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2019
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Thank you very much harmony13 xoxox
Comment from Janetsue
I often thought it would be nice to have been born with some wisdom genes passed down from my parents' learning experiences. Alas, I was having to make my own mistakes that wound up teaching me the same important lessons they learned the hard way. I like your posting very much because it gives the reader a lot to think about and it is so well-written. :-)
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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I often thought it would be nice to have been born with some wisdom genes passed down from my parents' learning experiences. Alas, I was having to make my own mistakes that wound up teaching me the same important lessons they learned the hard way. I like your posting very much because it gives the reader a lot to think about and it is so well-written. :-)
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Thank you very much Spangle. I guess we each had our own paths to tread, and like you, I didn't really have the wisdom of elders either. I just stuffed up a lot lol! Don't know if I learned anything either...!?
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You're very welcome, my friend! (Keep learning!) lol
Comment from Gail Denham
Well said - and yes, that's true. They become so busy - and that's ok - cuz it's their life now they live. Yet, to observe and think of their elders - to hear what history has to say - would be a good thing.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Well said - and yes, that's true. They become so busy - and that's ok - cuz it's their life now they live. Yet, to observe and think of their elders - to hear what history has to say - would be a good thing.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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It is each person's life to live, that's for sure. And even if the wisdom of elders is listened to, I wonder if it'd be actually acted upon by our headstrong youth? Possibly not...
Comment from Gail Denham
Well said - and yes, that's true. They become so busy - and that's ok - cuz it's their life now they live. Yet, to observe and think of their elders - to hear what history has to say - would be a good thing.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Well said - and yes, that's true. They become so busy - and that's ok - cuz it's their life now they live. Yet, to observe and think of their elders - to hear what history has to say - would be a good thing.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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I'll just say something to this, even though it was posted twice.
Something
lol!
Thanks again xoxo
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Twice - again - that has happened before.
Comment from Susan X Smith
This is a very well-written poem with good rhymes, but may I suggest that the dark writing on a gray background makes it very difficult to read. I LOVE the picture. When I was 16 I visited the farm in Northern Ireland for the first time where my mother had grown up. I actually took a picture of the neighboring farmer, Hughie, which is so similar to the one here, and had it blown up and mounted as a poster. Hughie got quite a kick out of that. Anyway, your message is a good one.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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This is a very well-written poem with good rhymes, but may I suggest that the dark writing on a gray background makes it very difficult to read. I LOVE the picture. When I was 16 I visited the farm in Northern Ireland for the first time where my mother had grown up. I actually took a picture of the neighboring farmer, Hughie, which is so similar to the one here, and had it blown up and mounted as a poster. Hughie got quite a kick out of that. Anyway, your message is a good one.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Sorry you had trouble with the colours in this! I'll try to tweak it, although it's clear to read on my pc and phone...
Thanks so much for your comments and mention of Hughie! Maybe the pic could be called "Tribute to Hughie" lol!
Comment from Mitchell Brontė
A wonderfully crafted poem, made me reflect on times I've spent with the older generations and listened to the tales they have told.
A lovely flow with some fantastic lines.
Mitchell
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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A wonderfully crafted poem, made me reflect on times I've spent with the older generations and listened to the tales they have told.
A lovely flow with some fantastic lines.
Mitchell
Comment Written 15-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2019
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Thank you Mitchell, you made my day! xoxoxo
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Your skillfully-written, moving poem is one that members of all generations should be able to relate to. As people mature, priorities change, but there must always be a grandfather sitting by the fire ready to tell the old stories!
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Your skillfully-written, moving poem is one that members of all generations should be able to relate to. As people mature, priorities change, but there must always be a grandfather sitting by the fire ready to tell the old stories!
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Very true! Thank you for your thoughtful review. My Granddad on mum's side was the only Granddad I knew, and he'd tell his tales while cutting hair - he was a barber lol!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I loved the sentiments here as we often do not appreciate our roots and the simple things in life as commercial things rule and youth break away from family ties, much enjoyed your in-depth words to touch hearts here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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I loved the sentiments here as we often do not appreciate our roots and the simple things in life as commercial things rule and youth break away from family ties, much enjoyed your in-depth words to touch hearts here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thanks Dolly, I'm pleased you enjoyed this xoxox
Comment from Michele Harber
This is a beautiful and well-thought-out poem tracing the path of the younger generation as they move from being eager listeners to feeling they're too educated to need to listen, to their own children's treating them the same way, making them realize what they'd missed out on in those intervening years spent thinking they knew more than they did. This is a wonderful lesson in being aware of, appreciating and taking advantage of what you have when you have it.
This is a thought-provoking poem, and your rhymes are genuinely well chosen. That being said, I do want to make a few suggestions that might make your well-done poem even better.
In your first stanza, you use the very close near-rhyme of "generations" and "conversation." You can very easily turn this into an exact rhyme by saying "or from simple conversations" rather than "or a simple conversation."
The location of the comma in the first line of the second stanza throws the flow off just a bit. You could repair this very simply just by removing that comma and, instead, placing commas before and after the word "maybe." That way you force the reader to pause exactly where you need him to in order to keep the rhythm you'd established in the first stanza.
Finally, I wondered why you changed the rhyme scheme in the fourth stanza to aabb when you used an abab scheme in all the other stanzas.
Please know that I enjoyed your poem very much. I just think these minor changes might make it the tiniest bit better. I hope this is helpful.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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This is a beautiful and well-thought-out poem tracing the path of the younger generation as they move from being eager listeners to feeling they're too educated to need to listen, to their own children's treating them the same way, making them realize what they'd missed out on in those intervening years spent thinking they knew more than they did. This is a wonderful lesson in being aware of, appreciating and taking advantage of what you have when you have it.
This is a thought-provoking poem, and your rhymes are genuinely well chosen. That being said, I do want to make a few suggestions that might make your well-done poem even better.
In your first stanza, you use the very close near-rhyme of "generations" and "conversation." You can very easily turn this into an exact rhyme by saying "or from simple conversations" rather than "or a simple conversation."
The location of the comma in the first line of the second stanza throws the flow off just a bit. You could repair this very simply just by removing that comma and, instead, placing commas before and after the word "maybe." That way you force the reader to pause exactly where you need him to in order to keep the rhythm you'd established in the first stanza.
Finally, I wondered why you changed the rhyme scheme in the fourth stanza to aabb when you used an abab scheme in all the other stanzas.
Please know that I enjoyed your poem very much. I just think these minor changes might make it the tiniest bit better. I hope this is helpful.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thank you for such an in depth review, I do appreciate it! I will make those tweaks you suggest, but the fourth stanza...well, I never intended to change the scheme, it just happened that way. I guess you could say I got a wee bit stuck on what words to pick that rhymed, but also said what I wanted to say without coming across stiff or unreal. But, like your fine self I'd imagine, I know that 99% of our poems are works in progress, and that a poet's work is never done lol! Thank you again xoxoxoxo
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You're very welcome, and I truly did enjoy the poem, but I'd be of no help to you or anyone else if I just said something were wonderful without pointing out how it might be improved. I'm so glad you're one of the people with enough confidence in your own talent to be open to well-meant suggestions.
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A person will never improve or learn unless they take notice of constructive criticism, especially when it's given politely and nicely.
But my claws come out if I get a rude review and the reviewer can't justify what they've criticised on top of being rude. That reeeeally gets me cranky lol
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Hi Michele, I have tweaked this, keeping your suggestions in mind. I think it has improved this, and wanted to let you know, and ask if you've time, to take a look. I'm not after six stars either, I merely wanted for you to see the finished product so to speak...if we can ever say a poem is finished lol! Thank you again for your advice xoxoxo
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First, let me thank you for the faith you've shown in me and my suggestions. I think your first three and your fifth stanza all work perfectly. I love where you're going with the fourth stanza, and that you switched it to the abab rhyme scheme of the other stanzas. The only problem I have, again, is with rhythm. There's a bit of a problem with lines sounding truncated, and with stress not falling where you need it to in order to keep the smooth flow. Here is my suggestion for how you might amend that. Of course you don't have to stick to my words (although you're welcome to if you choose), but you might want to see, simply, how adding a few syllables and changing some punctuation to adjust where the reader pauses smooth out the flow. I realize that my suggested edits of the second line change your initial meaning slightly, but it does even out the flow by putting the pauses where you need them to be.
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Those family ties are coming loose and have begun to fray
their visits are too short, it seems; once they arrive, they go
and Granddad's left beside the fire longing for them to stay
or, at least, to sit a while, as they did years ago
Again, I hope this is helpful.
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I'll try that tweaked stanza on for size - thank you for the suggestions by the way - although I wonder if sometimes rhythm isn't subjective...meaning that to one something may flow well, but to another, it jarrs and jumps. I don't know, but am willing to try whatever works!
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I suspect that a professional poet would say no, but I know what you mean. When we write, we hear our own poetry in our heads in a very specific rhythm and beat. As I've discovered, through experience and through reviews from better (or, at least, more knowledgeable) poets than I, is that what we hear in our head is often not how the average reader reads the poem. We read our work to fit the pattern we've chosen, even if, sometimes, it means stressing a syllable that's not meant to be stressed or putting in a pause where it may not fall naturally to the reader.
Ultimately, though, it's your work. Whether a professional poet or a so-called expert likes it or not, it has to meet your requirements and your preferences. So, I'm making suggestions based on everything I've learned and how the poem reads to me, but you're the ultimate arbiter of your own work. If you, as the writer, aren't happy with it, why write it, right? All I ask is that you, as you say, try my suggestions on for size, not that you accept them as gospel. :-)
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Well, I've made those adjustments, printed it out and doing what I usually do: read it once, put it down go do something else. Read it again, put it down, etc. Then leave it until tomorrow or when next I pick it up to read it. You're not the first to notice that my meter is sometimes out, and even though it sounds fine in my own head, I'm - as I said - trying that advice on for size and endeavouring to get used to it because others have pointed it out also.
Like I've said a couple of times: a poet's work is never done!
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You're absolutely right about walking away from it for a while to "get out of your own head," as they say. It's always good to look at your work with fresh eyes.
There are some poems I've written that I can truly say are complete, with not a word or a comma about which I have any doubt. There are others I loved two years ago then reread and made additional changes to, so who knows? When all's said and done, we ultimately release our poems to the world as we do our children, hoping everything we've invested in them will enable them to stand on their own and, hopefully, be liked by many different people.
On that note, I'm heading to bed for the night, but would be happy to pick up the conversation again tomorrow, if you'd like.
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I've described poems as "children" too lol! It's an apt description, because we invest so much in them, and hope that others love 'em like we do.
And yes, I've got a few poems that I haven't tweaked or added to, though in saying that, I've been going through my portfolio and digging out old ones, reading them, and adjusting them here and there. A few I've completely re-written and given a different title. This is the sort of stuff I really enjoy doing in truth; I'm much better at improving something rather than "building" it from the ground up. Anyhoo, sleep well my friend, and yes, we'll reconnect tomorrow so long as I don't get caught up in somethign dreary like...HOUSEWORK..which needs doing badly sigh...
Comment from damommy
This is lovely. My suggestion would be make the print larger. It's sad that elders are not respected as they once were. I was fortunate to grow up with great-aunts and grandmothers whose stories I still remember. So much to learn from them. You had some difficult rhyming, but you pulled it off very nicely. 8-)
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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This is lovely. My suggestion would be make the print larger. It's sad that elders are not respected as they once were. I was fortunate to grow up with great-aunts and grandmothers whose stories I still remember. So much to learn from them. You had some difficult rhyming, but you pulled it off very nicely. 8-)
Comment Written 13-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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Thanks for pointing out the print size, I've increased it a wee bit. And thank you for your comments and review, I appreciate it greatly!
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You're welcome. Thank you for being gracious.
