Picasso summer.
A short story3 total reviews
Comment from Maria Millsaps
Picasso is a nice romantic story of an adoration beyond words in the shadows, and from a distance. She thought she was watching him, but he was also watching her.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2019
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Picasso is a nice romantic story of an adoration beyond words in the shadows, and from a distance. She thought she was watching him, but he was also watching her.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2019
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Thanks for the insightful review. I am still thinking of a better ending, cheers,
Comment from Sallyo
What a charming story! Quite apart from anything else, it's lovely to see a story about a teenager who's drawn to a gentle personality rather than to just looks or perceived coolness. I found a few typos... I wish you good luck in the contest. With a bit of a polish this one would be a strong contender, I think.
His long black hair braided down his back, shone in the sun.
His long black hair, braided down his back, shone in the sun.
then present the gifts
then presenting the gifts
Pots of black beans, golden tortillas and apple cake!
All prepared outside and cooked on the fire.
Pots of black beans, golden tortillas and apple cake; all prepared outside and cooked on the fire.
The young man, she now called him Picasso,
The young man...she now called him Picasso...
or
The young man, whom she now called Picasso,
a couple girls
a couple of girls
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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What a charming story! Quite apart from anything else, it's lovely to see a story about a teenager who's drawn to a gentle personality rather than to just looks or perceived coolness. I found a few typos... I wish you good luck in the contest. With a bit of a polish this one would be a strong contender, I think.
His long black hair braided down his back, shone in the sun.
His long black hair, braided down his back, shone in the sun.
then present the gifts
then presenting the gifts
Pots of black beans, golden tortillas and apple cake!
All prepared outside and cooked on the fire.
Pots of black beans, golden tortillas and apple cake; all prepared outside and cooked on the fire.
The young man, she now called him Picasso,
The young man...she now called him Picasso...
or
The young man, whom she now called Picasso,
a couple girls
a couple of girls
Comment Written 13-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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Thanks for the insightful review and helpful advice. I fixed those few mistakes.
It was fun to write and I believe everyone needs to feel that passion and heart~break at least once in their life. Cheers.
Comment from moongirlwriter
What a lovely story of mystery, adventure and love. This story is well-written and draws the reader in and keeps them interested. Thanks for sharing and good luck with this piece.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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What a lovely story of mystery, adventure and love. This story is well-written and draws the reader in and keeps them interested. Thanks for sharing and good luck with this piece.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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Thanks for the insightful review. It was fun to write and I do remember that first love feeling and the soul~shattering heartbreak everyone should experience, at least once in their life. ha ha, cheers.
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:) We've all been there.
