Eternity with some Beats
Kyrielle ~ from European Forms class22 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
In the film 'Lord of the Flies' the boys choir march along the beach to a very up-beat 'kyrie eleison' and this is a splendid extension of the kyrielle form -- 'The Kyrrirap' -- very creative.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2019
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In the film 'Lord of the Flies' the boys choir march along the beach to a very up-beat 'kyrie eleison' and this is a splendid extension of the kyrielle form -- 'The Kyrrirap' -- very creative.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2019
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I think I have invented a new form. Hahaha... a kyrrirap. Hahaha.. oh, too funny. Thanks so much, my friend.
Melissa
Comment from country ranch writer
Well I don't relate to the rapping world of ours but the move their feet and rap the beat they created to express themselves to get their point across.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2019
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Well I don't relate to the rapping world of ours but the move their feet and rap the beat they created to express themselves to get their point across.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2019
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Hi! You are right. I am not a fan of rapping, but since I had to write a religious kyrielle, I chose this approach. The eight syllable beats per line were perfect for a rap. Thanks so much.
Melissa
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Smiles
Comment from Aussie
Your Kyrielle came across as a rap without thinking about the beat. I liked it, think it gets the message out there, clear and all about forgiveness and the Lord. Well done.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2019
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Your Kyrielle came across as a rap without thinking about the beat. I liked it, think it gets the message out there, clear and all about forgiveness and the Lord. Well done.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2019
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Thanks so much!! I had fun pulling this together. A bit of a challenge since I am not into rapping, but it is an effective tool to reach our modern world with the gospel. :)
Melissa
Comment from Janice Canerdy
I love the kyrielle. Yours is so well-written, moving, and appealing. There are, thank goodness, different ways to reach people for Christ, different styles of witnessing.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2019
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I love the kyrielle. Yours is so well-written, moving, and appealing. There are, thank goodness, different ways to reach people for Christ, different styles of witnessing.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2019
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Hi Janice. I so agree with you that we need to use all available tools to share the Lord with our modern world. I am not into rapping, but this kyrielle, with its eight beats per line, was a good tool for a rap. Thanks so much.
Melissa
Comment from Joan E.
I wish I had the time to join one of Jim's classes--I yearn each time he posts one of his advertisements. Thanks for sharing the splendid results of your first assignment with this Krielle series. I liked your contemporary reflections about eternity. I am glad you are up for the challenge and look forward to the sonnet form. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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I wish I had the time to join one of Jim's classes--I yearn each time he posts one of his advertisements. Thanks for sharing the splendid results of your first assignment with this Krielle series. I liked your contemporary reflections about eternity. I am glad you are up for the challenge and look forward to the sonnet form. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Hey Joan. I do hope you can take one of his classes. They are very good and I learn so very much. I know he has one coming up soon on Free Verse, and another one in January too. Lots of fun.
Thanks so much for your great review.
Melissa
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Melissa,
I enjoyed your rap poem... (even though I despise rap music.)
Your repeating line is quite effective,
"What's this about eternity?"
Too many people believe we are "here for a good time, not a long time".
I've been dealing with Christian music since I got saved when I was 24 years old, and baptized at 25 on Easter Sunday night, 1976. I even had my own Christian band for a while, "The Potter's Clay". Later, through the 80's, I gave concerts throughout New Brunswick with Linda Cameron. Sometimes my wife would join us. Now, I just play guitar in the worship team at our church. I enjoy it as much as I ever did. But arthritis is settling into my left hand. Sometimes it cramps up on me, and my middle finger locks. I think my guitar-playing is drawing to an end, and it's going to kill me.
One small suggestion...
"So, who is Jesus Christ, this man,
that wants to lend a helpin' hand." ...(I'd write "Who" instead of "that")
This came to mind,
(So, what about this Jesus Christ
Who let Himself be sacrificed?)
As I read your poem, I recalled this song by Don Francisco... "Brother of the Son". I used to close many of my concerts with it.
https://youtu.be/yrdk4BN-GpQ
Thanks for sharing, Melissa!
Blessings to you,
Kimbob
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reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Hi Melissa,
I enjoyed your rap poem... (even though I despise rap music.)
Your repeating line is quite effective,
"What's this about eternity?"
Too many people believe we are "here for a good time, not a long time".
I've been dealing with Christian music since I got saved when I was 24 years old, and baptized at 25 on Easter Sunday night, 1976. I even had my own Christian band for a while, "The Potter's Clay". Later, through the 80's, I gave concerts throughout New Brunswick with Linda Cameron. Sometimes my wife would join us. Now, I just play guitar in the worship team at our church. I enjoy it as much as I ever did. But arthritis is settling into my left hand. Sometimes it cramps up on me, and my middle finger locks. I think my guitar-playing is drawing to an end, and it's going to kill me.
One small suggestion...
"So, who is Jesus Christ, this man,
that wants to lend a helpin' hand." ...(I'd write "Who" instead of "that")
This came to mind,
(So, what about this Jesus Christ
Who let Himself be sacrificed?)
As I read your poem, I recalled this song by Don Francisco... "Brother of the Son". I used to close many of my concerts with it.
https://youtu.be/yrdk4BN-GpQ
Thanks for sharing, Melissa!
Blessings to you,
Kimbob
"
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Hi Kimbob. Since you are familiar with my poetry, you know this was a stretch for me! It was either this or write a liturgy, for we had to write a kyrielle about religion as one of our assignments. Our church is more relaxed so I am not familiar with liturgies. I do sincerely thank you for your review.... not about you! I am so glad to read that you sing/sang Christian music with a band and in your church worship service too. Thanks for telling me about your talent. I plan to look up the YouTube link. Will I see you or Don Francisco on it?
Melissa
Comment from lyenochka
Great job with the rhythm of your rap song, Melissa! You and Dolly are doing such interesting new styles!
Whether rap or classical, Amen to all ways to spread the gospel!
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Great job with the rhythm of your rap song, Melissa! You and Dolly are doing such interesting new styles!
Whether rap or classical, Amen to all ways to spread the gospel!
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Hi Helen. Thank you!! It was so different for me, but a fun challenge too. Imagine your teaching style enfolded into a rap... hey, now... that would be interesting. LOL
Melissa
Comment from Y. M. Roger
You have such a beautiful flair to your pen, Melissa, that although this can be read with that rap beat (I'm down on these thanx to my students - lol!), I cannot mix what I know of your beauty and way-with-words with ANYTHING rap-oriented!! ;) :) PLEASE take that as the compliment it is entirely meant to be, my lady!! ;) :) I love the focus of your offering...perfect for 'chapel time' at school!!!! ;) :) Yvette
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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You have such a beautiful flair to your pen, Melissa, that although this can be read with that rap beat (I'm down on these thanx to my students - lol!), I cannot mix what I know of your beauty and way-with-words with ANYTHING rap-oriented!! ;) :) PLEASE take that as the compliment it is entirely meant to be, my lady!! ;) :) I love the focus of your offering...perfect for 'chapel time' at school!!!! ;) :) Yvette
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Haha... not my usual style, I will admit!! I was either this or a liturgy... I must admit, Yvonne (damommy) wrote an excellent religious kyrielle for class. Much thanks for your wonderful review, Yvette!!
Melissa
Comment from BeasPeas
Great job on your Kyrielle start to finish, Melissa. Great word choices and theme. I like the image. This would be a sixer if I had one to give you. Marilyn
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Great job on your Kyrielle start to finish, Melissa. Great word choices and theme. I like the image. This would be a sixer if I had one to give you. Marilyn
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Hi Marilyn. I am so glad you liked it... it was not my usual style, but its fun to think outside the box too. Thanks so much!
Melissa
Comment from Susan Larson
I'm a newcomer here and I don't know anything about Kyrielles, except that from growing up Catholic, Kyrie means mercy. Still, I like the rhythm of this poem and the continued repetition of eternity. And, I can hear the rap beat as I read it.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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I'm a newcomer here and I don't know anything about Kyrielles, except that from growing up Catholic, Kyrie means mercy. Still, I like the rhythm of this poem and the continued repetition of eternity. And, I can hear the rap beat as I read it.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Hi Susan. Welcome to FanStory. This form is not my usual style, but it was fun thinking outside the box. Thanks so much for the review.
Melissa
