Pushed Too Far
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Breaking Point"Shocking news sends Jeremy over the edge.
11 total reviews
Comment from Sylvia Page
Why in the world did Jessica agree to marry Paul when she was in love with Jeremy? Paul and his goons are absolute bullies, who will end up in jail at the way they behave. Well done.
Sylvia
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
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Why in the world did Jessica agree to marry Paul when she was in love with Jeremy? Paul and his goons are absolute bullies, who will end up in jail at the way they behave. Well done.
Sylvia
Comment Written 23-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for your exceptional review, You made my week. Jessica was infatuated with Paul's fictional persona, what he poses to be. Never seeing his true colors until tonight.
Thank you again for such a remarkable review, I am honored.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Bullying gone over board. Two kids who love each other, one not being so sure until the kiss, then the so called lover coming back to punish both of them. How will this story end? Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writing.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Bullying gone over board. Two kids who love each other, one not being so sure until the kiss, then the so called lover coming back to punish both of them. How will this story end? Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writing.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for your fantastic review and for your kind wishes. I'm hoping to raise awareness and show what bullying does both mentally and physically. Get inside the victim's head.
Thank you again for your kind review and for all your support, take care.
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You are welcome and unfortunately, bully continues even when we are adults
Comment from Gert sherwood
Smiles to you Mistydawn
I see that you are writing another story for us here on Fanstory to read--
I reed this chapter and I believe I'm going to read a love story with very dramatic issue and who is Jessica when will she realizes that Paul has a violent temper
Gert
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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Smiles to you Mistydawn
I see that you are writing another story for us here on Fanstory to read--
I reed this chapter and I believe I'm going to read a love story with very dramatic issue and who is Jessica when will she realizes that Paul has a violent temper
Gert
Comment Written 12-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2019
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Well hello again. It's always so nice to hear from you. I do hope all is well. Thank you so much for your kind review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Jessica realizes how heartless Paul is in the next chapter, but is it too late?
Thank you again for all your support, friendship. It means the world to me. Take care.
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You are welcome Misty dawn will be waiting for your next chapter.
Gert
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Oh dear. This is not good at all, Jessica is in very big trouble. Girls seem to make the worst choices when it comes to men. Now Paul is in very big trouble as well. Things do not bode well for either of these young people. Well done. Can't wait to find out what happens. Rox
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2019
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Oh dear. This is not good at all, Jessica is in very big trouble. Girls seem to make the worst choices when it comes to men. Now Paul is in very big trouble as well. Things do not bode well for either of these young people. Well done. Can't wait to find out what happens. Rox
Comment Written 11-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2019
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Thank you for such a great review. It tickles me to see you're so in to the story. That you worry about their safety. I'm afraid these two are like Romeo and Juliet, never had a chance.
Thank you again for such a sweet review, all your support and friendship. It means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Mistydawn. This is quite a violent chapter. As I read the early part Jeremy was describing a history of something like abuse and his desperation for Jessica seems like a scream to stop the pain. The line that was so descriptive of his feelings to me is, "left him feeling like he was a mirage of a human." His self esteem couldn't be lower and that is why he is so desperate for Jessica. Robert
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2019
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Hello Mistydawn. This is quite a violent chapter. As I read the early part Jeremy was describing a history of something like abuse and his desperation for Jessica seems like a scream to stop the pain. The line that was so descriptive of his feelings to me is, "left him feeling like he was a mirage of a human." His self esteem couldn't be lower and that is why he is so desperate for Jessica. Robert
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind review. Yes it was rather violent but I wanted the readers to see, feel Jeremy's anguish all the suffering he's had through the years. What that did to him. Why he does what he does.
Thank you again for all your help, support and friendship, it means a lot to me, take care.
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You're welcome!
Comment from royowen
Paul has proposed to Jessica, Jeremy's eternal love, but she confesses to Jeremy that Paul has asked her to marry him, at which Jeremy becomes incensed with jealous passion. What transpires after that is a nightmare of gargantuan proportions, of one has to feel for Jeremy. Well done, good basis for a plot. Blessings, Roy
Typo : You damn (ho) whore? 2 : Come on you (looser) loser?
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Paul has proposed to Jessica, Jeremy's eternal love, but she confesses to Jeremy that Paul has asked her to marry him, at which Jeremy becomes incensed with jealous passion. What transpires after that is a nightmare of gargantuan proportions, of one has to feel for Jeremy. Well done, good basis for a plot. Blessings, Roy
Typo : You damn (ho) whore? 2 : Come on you (looser) loser?
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for another helpful review, for catching my mistakes. I am so glad you enjoyed it. Jessica and Jeremy are in a world of hurt, right now. One of my readers said what you put your characters though, I hope I'm never in one of your books. Don't tell my neighbors but a few of them have been included a time or two.
Thank you again for your kind review all your help and support, it means a lot to me, take care.
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Most welcome
Comment from KatyM
Hey there, Wow, what an intense chapter. Found two things:He first recalls the numerous times he was corned in the bathroom. I think you mean cornered and not corned.
Jeremy spins around. "I never intended to fall in love, but I did." Jeremey darts away. Your spelling of Jeremy is spelled wrong the second time. You might want to say, "he darts away" instead of saying his name again.
Just a suggestion.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Hey there, Wow, what an intense chapter. Found two things:He first recalls the numerous times he was corned in the bathroom. I think you mean cornered and not corned.
Jeremy spins around. "I never intended to fall in love, but I did." Jeremey darts away. Your spelling of Jeremy is spelled wrong the second time. You might want to say, "he darts away" instead of saying his name again.
Just a suggestion.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review and your helpful suggestions. There were a lot of Jeremy's that could be deleted. I didn't realize I'd used his name so much. Thank you for pointing that out. Hope all is well with you, things are getting back to normal. Thanks again for all your help, support, and friendship, take care.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
A solid psychological theme, a realistic plot development through sociological and cultural navigation of thematic maturation, love nurtures the breaking point in course of struggling for rational and lovable survival, and crime could not stand on its way to flourish and breaks, well said, well done.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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A solid psychological theme, a realistic plot development through sociological and cultural navigation of thematic maturation, love nurtures the breaking point in course of struggling for rational and lovable survival, and crime could not stand on its way to flourish and breaks, well said, well done.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for such a kind review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it, that it seemed believable. That means a lot to me.
Thank you again for all your support, your friendship, take care.
Comment from robyn corum
MD,
What a horribly dramatic and wonderful exciting scene! In so many ways, girl!
This was great plotting. There were definitely some crafting issues, but those can always be corrected - not everyone can create such drama and compelling fiction. Kudos!!!
I was fully immersed and felt like I was passing a car wreck - where you feel horrible for looking, but can't help yourself. Wow. Great job.
Some note, if you'll permit?
1.) I hope I don't upset you by saying this, but the title on your book cover should be "Pushed (Too) Far"
2.) The cool night air gently brushes across Jeremy's face as he steps through the school doors for the final time.
--> the 'brushes' is highlighted differently - is this on purpose?
3.) He first recalls the numerous times he was (cornered) in the bathroom.
4.) How his peer's hurtful rants would replay like a broken record over and over in his mind.
--> because you're saying it's playing like a broken record, you don't really need to say 'over and over'
--> How his peer's hurtful rants would replay like a broken record in his mind.
5.) Pretend(ed) they didn't see the brutality.
6.) He'd then pictures Jessica's grief-stricken face and decides he can go on a bit more.
-->He'd then picture Jessica's grief-stricken face and decide he could go on a bit more.
7.) "He what(?)" Jeremy bellows, trying to process what he's been told.
8.) "I thought you loved me (<--italicized, maybe?) not... (n)ot that
douc(h) bag(,) Paul."
9.) but his hot, raw passion savagely emerge(s) to the surface.
10.) "Sure thing, Paul.(no qmark) Come on, you (loser. L)et's go." (Lifting Jeremy physically, the brutes) carry him across the yard.
11.) Jeremy yells as the two goons shove him in the(ir) car.
Great work. I hate the lowered rating, but I will be happy to come back and bump it up. Just holler when you edit a bit, please. I really enjoyed this a LOT. Thank you!!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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MD,
What a horribly dramatic and wonderful exciting scene! In so many ways, girl!
This was great plotting. There were definitely some crafting issues, but those can always be corrected - not everyone can create such drama and compelling fiction. Kudos!!!
I was fully immersed and felt like I was passing a car wreck - where you feel horrible for looking, but can't help yourself. Wow. Great job.
Some note, if you'll permit?
1.) I hope I don't upset you by saying this, but the title on your book cover should be "Pushed (Too) Far"
2.) The cool night air gently brushes across Jeremy's face as he steps through the school doors for the final time.
--> the 'brushes' is highlighted differently - is this on purpose?
3.) He first recalls the numerous times he was (cornered) in the bathroom.
4.) How his peer's hurtful rants would replay like a broken record over and over in his mind.
--> because you're saying it's playing like a broken record, you don't really need to say 'over and over'
--> How his peer's hurtful rants would replay like a broken record in his mind.
5.) Pretend(ed) they didn't see the brutality.
6.) He'd then pictures Jessica's grief-stricken face and decides he can go on a bit more.
-->He'd then picture Jessica's grief-stricken face and decide he could go on a bit more.
7.) "He what(?)" Jeremy bellows, trying to process what he's been told.
8.) "I thought you loved me (<--italicized, maybe?) not... (n)ot that
douc(h) bag(,) Paul."
9.) but his hot, raw passion savagely emerge(s) to the surface.
10.) "Sure thing, Paul.(no qmark) Come on, you (loser. L)et's go." (Lifting Jeremy physically, the brutes) carry him across the yard.
11.) Jeremy yells as the two goons shove him in the(ir) car.
Great work. I hate the lowered rating, but I will be happy to come back and bump it up. Just holler when you edit a bit, please. I really enjoyed this a LOT. Thank you!!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for such a helpful review. It seems I concentrated so hard on the darned commas that I missed a lot of small stuff. That's the way it usually goes with me, grrr. Well, it's fixed now. On a good note, I only had one fragmented sentence. Now to get the rest of it in order. Some day, I hope.
Thank you again for all your help it means a lot to me. It's how I learn, grow as a writer, take care.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Wow! Exciting stuff. I read the first part to get caught up, but I didn't expect the story to progress to this. Poor Jessica. Where are they taking Jeremy? Will they be okay? You have me worried. Hurry and save them! :)
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Wow! Exciting stuff. I read the first part to get caught up, but I didn't expect the story to progress to this. Poor Jessica. Where are they taking Jeremy? Will they be okay? You have me worried. Hurry and save them! :)
Comment Written 10-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for such a fantastic review. You made my week. Don't worry, Paul and his goons won't have the upper hand for long.
Thank you again for your review all your help, support, and friendship. It means a lot to me, take care.
