The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 85 "A Narrow Escape"A Novel
28 total reviews
Comment from Tootsie55
Well done, excellent as usual. I love all the local atmospheric and cultural and lack of, description. Also about men in sweaty suits and in dire need of a bath or something. No spags. More coming from sankey soon.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
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Well done, excellent as usual. I love all the local atmospheric and cultural and lack of, description. Also about men in sweaty suits and in dire need of a bath or something. No spags. More coming from sankey soon.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
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Again, thanks for the sixer. Most appreciated. Also your comments about the local atmosphere. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Pantygynt
"Don't you worry, memsaab; we will." A couple of points here. Saab is a Swedish car manufacturer. I think this should be memsahib. At least that is how I have seen it written before. Secondly it was of course a title of respect always shown to white women. Would it also be used to a native Pakistani lady, even one of quality? I really don't know.
The description of the train leaving reminded me of all those wartime escape stories as the Gestapo are left on the platform when the train pulls away with the escaped 'kriegsgefangener' heroes on board.
A fine episode.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
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"Don't you worry, memsaab; we will." A couple of points here. Saab is a Swedish car manufacturer. I think this should be memsahib. At least that is how I have seen it written before. Secondly it was of course a title of respect always shown to white women. Would it also be used to a native Pakistani lady, even one of quality? I really don't know.
The description of the train leaving reminded me of all those wartime escape stories as the Gestapo are left on the platform when the train pulls away with the escaped 'kriegsgefangener' heroes on board.
A fine episode.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
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Thanks for the sixer, Jim. I?m not too sure about how he might have addressed her. Memsaab, memsa?ab or memsahib are probably inappropriate, but the only other option I could find was Begum, which is usually only used in conjunction with the lady?s name. I?ve opted for removing the form of address altogether.
Comment from Sylvia Page
It certainly would have been a close call if they had been their true selves but having disguised as they were they passed the test and was soon on the train. They have still to get to their destination and anything can happen in between.
Regards,
Sylvia
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
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It certainly would have been a close call if they had been their true selves but having disguised as they were they passed the test and was soon on the train. They have still to get to their destination and anything can happen in between.
Regards,
Sylvia
Comment Written 09-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
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Very many thanks for your comments, Sylvia. A close call indeed. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
Nice ending on this as the foreboding you leave the reader with is palpable. This is well penned as usual. I thought Helen handled the scene at the station admirably as she took the reins and addressed the soldiers first rather than waiting for them to address her - she's a bull by the horns kind of gal. I think he barely made it through the whole ordeal LOL. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
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Nice ending on this as the foreboding you leave the reader with is palpable. This is well penned as usual. I thought Helen handled the scene at the station admirably as she took the reins and addressed the soldiers first rather than waiting for them to address her - she's a bull by the horns kind of gal. I think he barely made it through the whole ordeal LOL. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
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Very many thanks for your comments, Monica. She certainly seems better at this kind of thing than he is. What an advantage it is to be able to speak the language. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from rspoet
Hello Tony,
An excellent chapter. Thank the gods for Helen.
I wonder if there has ever been a "wide escape?"
The description of the station is more like that of a prison,
from which our 'two intrepid heroes' are fortunate to escape.
The tension is nicely written.
The clickety-clack could lead to a heart attack if Charles is not careful.
Into the rabbit hole we go!
Well done
Robert
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2019
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Hello Tony,
An excellent chapter. Thank the gods for Helen.
I wonder if there has ever been a "wide escape?"
The description of the station is more like that of a prison,
from which our 'two intrepid heroes' are fortunate to escape.
The tension is nicely written.
The clickety-clack could lead to a heart attack if Charles is not careful.
Into the rabbit hole we go!
Well done
Robert
Comment Written 09-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2019
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Thanks, Robert. Appreciate the sixth star. At least they didn?t escape by the skin of their teeth!
All the best, Tony
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed this chapter, Tony. You di a great job elaborating on the details, As foreboding as it seems, I liked the description of the railway station. I believe the recap of the last chapter was long--maybe write it in smaller print at the top. It seemed like it took forever to get to the story. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to the next chapter.
The European couple. . were..(was)
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reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
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I enjoyed this chapter, Tony. You di a great job elaborating on the details, As foreboding as it seems, I liked the description of the railway station. I believe the recap of the last chapter was long--maybe write it in smaller print at the top. It seemed like it took forever to get to the story. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to the next chapter.
The European couple. . were..(was)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2019
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Thanks for your suggestion, Jan. It?s a good one.
I hesitated about ?couple ... was? and eventually looked it up. Although pedantically correct, being a singular collective noun, the norm seems to be ?couple ... were? when it is followed by ?they?.
Comment from JudyE
So they got away with the disguise - at least so far. I enjoyed the descriptive passages and the railway station incident.
I found no spags but wanted to draw the following to your attention. I feel sure it's fine but it's not a phrase I'm familiar with so, as I said, I'm just drawing your attention to it.
I'm talking about 'tripped by inches' in the following. It's probably fine.
Instead, the long hand tripped by inches, recording each interminable minute before the whistle blew to signal our departure.
Cheers
Judy
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2019
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So they got away with the disguise - at least so far. I enjoyed the descriptive passages and the railway station incident.
I found no spags but wanted to draw the following to your attention. I feel sure it's fine but it's not a phrase I'm familiar with so, as I said, I'm just drawing your attention to it.
I'm talking about 'tripped by inches' in the following. It's probably fine.
Instead, the long hand tripped by inches, recording each interminable minute before the whistle blew to signal our departure.
Cheers
Judy
Comment Written 09-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2019
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Thanks, Joan. I appreciate your review and the sixth star. Tripped by inches isn?t a colloquialism as far as I know. I had in mind those large analogue clocks they used to have in main line stations. The minute hand would lurch forward a bit once every sixty seconds.
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I understood the clock and the hand lurching minute by minute but wasn't sure about the 'tripping'. Not a problem. And it's Judy - but that's not a big deal either. lol
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So sorry, Judy! Was trying to catch up with a few things in the middle of the night after a long day looking after my three and a half year old granddaughter! Brain dead!
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No problem. Yes, it would be pretty late there and grandchildren have been known to be very tiring!! lol Three and a bit is a great age though, isn't it? I'm sure she keeps you busy.
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Yes, we?ve been having a great time together. My daughter?s due to give birth to number two in a few days, so I?ve flown up to give a hand with a few things.
Comment from Alex Rosel
This is another good excerpt in your continuing series of posts {smiles}.
Here are a couple of points you might like to consider:
the voluminous folds of my lungi concealed a quaking at the knees matched only by the palpitations of my heart. -- This doesn't read correctly to me. I know what you mean but it seems awkward. You're mixing a comparison of feeling with a visual concealment.
I followed in her wake with due deference and downcast eyes. -- I think "in her wake" is too telling; it's also repetitious since you've already detailed "Helen led the way, displaying all the hauteur and arrogance". Personally, I like to allow the reader space to conjure their own image in their minds eye. So, here, I'd use something like "I followed, eyes downcast".
And, finally, congratulations of being awarded the honor of Book of the Month.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2019
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This is another good excerpt in your continuing series of posts {smiles}.
Here are a couple of points you might like to consider:
the voluminous folds of my lungi concealed a quaking at the knees matched only by the palpitations of my heart. -- This doesn't read correctly to me. I know what you mean but it seems awkward. You're mixing a comparison of feeling with a visual concealment.
I followed in her wake with due deference and downcast eyes. -- I think "in her wake" is too telling; it's also repetitious since you've already detailed "Helen led the way, displaying all the hauteur and arrogance". Personally, I like to allow the reader space to conjure their own image in their minds eye. So, here, I'd use something like "I followed, eyes downcast".
And, finally, congratulations of being awarded the honor of Book of the Month.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2019
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Many thanks, Alex. I appreciate your review and suggestions, also your congratulations. Much appreciated. Tony.
