Fragmentation
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Virtual Realism"Modern Poetry
12 total reviews
Comment from karenina
It so bites to work hard on formatting with a specific well ordered column of four distinct voices only to have the system not accept it and stare disgruntled at the screen!
Here's the thing...
The flip side of that is (and I read this through three times)--this draws the reader in and becomes an interactive piece! I was forced to delineate four voices...to untangle the dialogue...to focus on the truest meaning I could come up with and...
Hey! Isn't that the point of your piece? We're all numb to true communication---deafened by social media, "shiny object" Tweets, talking heads, rival commentators, chaotic echoing words seemingly disjointed attacking our synapses and neurons...
Yes, as you say in your comments, "it is all garbled." The Ten Commandments would be chewed up and spit out in this social environment!
I don't think I knew you "when"---and may or may not have read something by you before. THIS, though--is avante-garde poetry that colors outside all the lines and I like it very much.--Karenina
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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It so bites to work hard on formatting with a specific well ordered column of four distinct voices only to have the system not accept it and stare disgruntled at the screen!
Here's the thing...
The flip side of that is (and I read this through three times)--this draws the reader in and becomes an interactive piece! I was forced to delineate four voices...to untangle the dialogue...to focus on the truest meaning I could come up with and...
Hey! Isn't that the point of your piece? We're all numb to true communication---deafened by social media, "shiny object" Tweets, talking heads, rival commentators, chaotic echoing words seemingly disjointed attacking our synapses and neurons...
Yes, as you say in your comments, "it is all garbled." The Ten Commandments would be chewed up and spit out in this social environment!
I don't think I knew you "when"---and may or may not have read something by you before. THIS, though--is avante-garde poetry that colors outside all the lines and I like it very much.--Karenina
Comment Written 06-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and all your encouraging comments, especially the tag of 'avante guarde' poet. That's something I've been striving for many, many years. I am glad that you put in the hard work to try and understand this piece, and that is very flattering, considering how garbled up it was. but it will be impossible to read it without a complete delineation of the voice parts so that you can get that differentiated reading the piece needs. I appreciate the support of a kindred spirit though. What poets do you read? I've been heavily influenced by Jack Anderson, Denise Levertov, and Seamus Heaney over the years. estory
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I have always loved Seamus Heaney...his work is amazing. I'm afraid I am not as well read as you and truly enjoy Dickinson, Plath, Hughes, Frost, ee cummings...
Comment from misscookie
Things are much to easy to connect to with out rhyme or reason. We are moving to fast and one the one thing that needed to be concerted with, we past by.This Is so true for me my great grand son was kill on Labor day. The last time I saw him was very interesting yet, I had good memory's of him.
Cookie
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Things are much to easy to connect to with out rhyme or reason. We are moving to fast and one the one thing that needed to be concerted with, we past by.This Is so true for me my great grand son was kill on Labor day. The last time I saw him was very interesting yet, I had good memory's of him.
Cookie
Comment Written 06-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thanks again for the exceptional review and all your support for this crazy poem estory
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your very welcome.
cookie
Comment from LisaMay
I see your exasperation with the loss of formatting on the FS site, but I still get the sense of what you are exploring and i applaud your originality. I
t is hard for me to differentiate which voices are reading what, but I can hear in my head the cacophony and tumult that 4 voices would create - certain phrases would be accents. On reading the phrases i am saddened by its horrible reality of bad news and social ills, violence, communication overload... not a lot to feel good about.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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I see your exasperation with the loss of formatting on the FS site, but I still get the sense of what you are exploring and i applaud your originality. I
t is hard for me to differentiate which voices are reading what, but I can hear in my head the cacophony and tumult that 4 voices would create - certain phrases would be accents. On reading the phrases i am saddened by its horrible reality of bad news and social ills, violence, communication overload... not a lot to feel good about.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your understanding of the piece; it took a lot of hard work to untangle it and make some sense of it. The site will have to work this out for this to be viable here. You need to differentiate the voices to get that effect I intended, the separate readings of the four different platforms that compete for attention. estory
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I wonder if it would work if it was set in the 'story' section rather than in 'poetry', allowing more line width?
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That is an idea I hadn't thought of; but it really belongs in the poetry section because it has to do with musical elements as much as anything. I'll have to run it by the site managers and see if they can do anything about it. estory
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It definitely is poetry because of its musicality; I was just thinking to put it in story mode for easier spatial presentation.
Comment from tfawcus
Despite some loss of formatting, I get this general drift of this. I think that its success would depend on differentiation in voicing, so that each voice in turn rises to a crescendo as the others diminish, else I think the effect would be a bit like the Tower of Babel - which, of course, is to some extent what it is. It is the vying for attention that makes this effective. I can imagine it have great pace as an oral performance. Interesting. It would be great to hear a recording.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Despite some loss of formatting, I get this general drift of this. I think that its success would depend on differentiation in voicing, so that each voice in turn rises to a crescendo as the others diminish, else I think the effect would be a bit like the Tower of Babel - which, of course, is to some extent what it is. It is the vying for attention that makes this effective. I can imagine it have great pace as an oral performance. Interesting. It would be great to hear a recording.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thanks so much for the exceptional review and all your encouraging support for this experimental piece. I appreciate the input and perspective from a kindred spirit estory
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello estory
It's Gert sherwood. I read you lets say freestyle poem which I found interesting of emerging technologies like virtual reality, augmented reality, mixed reality, and voice interaction are reshaping the way we engage with the world and transforming digital experiences.
I can image going to my favorite restaurant and watching social posts from my friends voices literally jump off the menu with recommendations for what to order.
Or getting a speaking poetry lesson how to write a new format in which words come to life with immersive video. Or putting on a headset to experience life from someone else's voice.
Gert
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Hello estory
It's Gert sherwood. I read you lets say freestyle poem which I found interesting of emerging technologies like virtual reality, augmented reality, mixed reality, and voice interaction are reshaping the way we engage with the world and transforming digital experiences.
I can image going to my favorite restaurant and watching social posts from my friends voices literally jump off the menu with recommendations for what to order.
Or getting a speaking poetry lesson how to write a new format in which words come to life with immersive video. Or putting on a headset to experience life from someone else's voice.
Gert
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your wonderful support and perspective. I was surprised how many people got something of what I was trying to do while the poem was so garbled in posting. hats off to everyone who worked to untangle it and give me a hearing. estory
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You are welcome estory
Gert
Comment from royowen
I think I understand what you mean, human opinion is fraught with a lack of thought, a lack of common sense, and a lack of perception, even writers, (particularly those writing to sell copy) like politicians, telling people what they want to hear. Although I've found that you are different, though all of us are constrained by what we know, rather by what we don't. I like this concept of several voices. Beautifully written my friend. You are certainly adventurous, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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I think I understand what you mean, human opinion is fraught with a lack of thought, a lack of common sense, and a lack of perception, even writers, (particularly those writing to sell copy) like politicians, telling people what they want to hear. Although I've found that you are different, though all of us are constrained by what we know, rather by what we don't. I like this concept of several voices. Beautifully written my friend. You are certainly adventurous, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thanks for the excellent review and particularilly for the compliments at the end; I like to be known as adventurous. It was worth a try here, but i'm afraid the site can't handle a format like this technically and what I had written wasn't exactly how the format came out in the post. You need the differentiation of the voices to get the musical effect of the voices speaking together. estory
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Good job
Comment from Patty Palmer
I don't think you should throw the baby out with the bathwater just yet. Who knows, maybe someone will look at it and become totally mesmerized with it! Never give up!!! And never defend your work! You worked hard to put it together and just because I don't get it, I'm sure someone is gonna love it!! Whatever you do, DON'T YOU QUIT!! GOOD LUCK
Patty
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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I don't think you should throw the baby out with the bathwater just yet. Who knows, maybe someone will look at it and become totally mesmerized with it! Never give up!!! And never defend your work! You worked hard to put it together and just because I don't get it, I'm sure someone is gonna love it!! Whatever you do, DON'T YOU QUIT!! GOOD LUCK
Patty
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thanks for the excellent review and the understanding comments and support. The site will have to improve in its ability to format pieces like this, but I am glad so many people worked to untangle it and got at least a hint of what I was trying to do. It was worth a try estory
Comment from kahpot
You have certainly covered a lot if not all in this work-after reading your notes I can see where and what you were trying to achieve, I do hope you can work it out as this would make for easier understanding and clarity of the mentioned topics, thank you for sharing this info****kahpot
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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You have certainly covered a lot if not all in this work-after reading your notes I can see where and what you were trying to achieve, I do hope you can work it out as this would make for easier understanding and clarity of the mentioned topics, thank you for sharing this info****kahpot
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thanks for the excellent review and all the encouraging remarks and support for this experimental piece. I am glad you were able to get basically what I was trying to do despite the problems. estory
Comment from DonandVicki
a I enjoyed reading, studying, and reviewing your very original poetic verse. A new style? I have never heard or rather read a form quite like this before. Very interesting poem to say the least.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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a I enjoyed reading, studying, and reviewing your very original poetic verse. A new style? I have never heard or rather read a form quite like this before. Very interesting poem to say the least.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thanks for the excellent review and your encouraging support for this experimental piece. It will have to wait for an improvement in the site to really get what I was trying to create with the voices speaking together, but we'll see. estory
Comment from Ulla
Hi estory, Yes, I can see what you're trying to do, and I can just about, imagine the musical rhythm. But I can also see that it's not quite working on Fanstory. It's quite hard to visualise. How that can be overcome, I do not know. All the best. Ulla:))
I'm still on my travels round Spain. I Won't be home before mid September but hope to post new chapter on Sunday.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Hi estory, Yes, I can see what you're trying to do, and I can just about, imagine the musical rhythm. But I can also see that it's not quite working on Fanstory. It's quite hard to visualise. How that can be overcome, I do not know. All the best. Ulla:))
I'm still on my travels round Spain. I Won't be home before mid September but hope to post new chapter on Sunday.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thanks for all the continueing support of my work and for understanding through all the difficulties of this piece. The site will have to improve its ability to accept this type of formatting. But I'll go on with more traditional pieces. e story
