Eric's Epic Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "The Final Chapter"Another adventure for Eric
31 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
So we reach the end and the loose bits are all tied up.
Although our intended readership is very different we both have created similar fantasy worlds for similar reasons.
I hope this goes down as well as the earlier ones.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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So we reach the end and the loose bits are all tied up.
Although our intended readership is very different we both have created similar fantasy worlds for similar reasons.
I hope this goes down as well as the earlier ones.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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That is the joy of writing, isn't it, Jim? We can invent such wonderful stories and get away with it. Eric and the Aliens went down well, I'll have my fingers crossed for this one, and then later in the year, or even the beginning of next year, I'll be writing the one where they end up in ancient Egypt. He wants me to have Mummies chasing him! lol. Thank you for your continued support, my friend, it's been very appreciated. Big hugs. Sandra xxx
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There is something about those flapping bandages. They keep cropping up. I have even seen onee in an old silent movie.
I shall keep a lookout for it. Mine will still be plodding on no doubt.
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I think that's where Eric has got the idea from. I'll have to think of a way to make it a bit different. He really keeps my brain young, even when everything else is falling to bits. lol. xxx
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I forgot to say, I'm glad your's will still be going. I'm not going to be on here much for a while, but will be back each Wednesday and Sunday to read your chapters.
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I find such loyalty touching. Thank you.
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How about a spine-chilling race up the Nile in a felucca (I do like that word -- Lol)?
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Hey, that's a good idea! I'll add that to my notes. I've been on one and really enjoyed it. They glide so smoothly through the water. :))
Comment from Lance S. Loria
This 6 star rating is past due. A great fiction and I wish you much success. I have an interesting idea for you to consider. Develop artwork of the Totem Pole and place it on the book cover. Not the central part but noticeable. Then add the artwork of only the totem pile at the end.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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This 6 star rating is past due. A great fiction and I wish you much success. I have an interesting idea for you to consider. Develop artwork of the Totem Pole and place it on the book cover. Not the central part but noticeable. Then add the artwork of only the totem pile at the end.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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Thank you so very much for this lovely sixth star, Lance, and this lovely review! I think that's a great idea about the Totem Pole. I'm just starting to get it organised and now you've said that, I know what I want. Thank you! Once it's done, I'll put it on here and you can tell me what you think. Thank you, again, my friend! Big hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You already know how wonderful I think this story is. I can't wait until you get this book published because I can't wait to buy it. I am glad Eric and Drozig met again. I am wondering if Eric will be taking any more trips. I sure hope so.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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You already know how wonderful I think this story is. I can't wait until you get this book published because I can't wait to buy it. I am glad Eric and Drozig met again. I am wondering if Eric will be taking any more trips. I sure hope so.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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Aw, thank you so very much, Barbara! I'll certainly tell you when it's published. I'm going to sort out the illustrations over the weekend with a friend of mine who is so good at it. Yes, Eric will be taking another trip in the New Year to Ancient Egypt. I've made a start on the first chapter just to get it in my mind. Thank you so much for the generous 6th star, my dear friend, that was so very kind of you. Big hugs, :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from JudyE
I'm really sorry this story has finished. I'm sure it will sell well. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
I only picked up a few small points:
"Hello, Herbie, nice to see you again. I knew you were having a problem trying to work out who I was, I could feel your eyes on me," Drozig told him. - period after 'was'
"I can well believe it," Drozig said before releasing - comma after 'said'
Back with the others, Ellie gave Eric a questioning look and threw a suspicious glance over at Drozig- comma after 'look'?
"I still don't know where you came from, but I'm guessing you'll be going back there now," Thomas said awkwardly thrusting his hands into his pockets. - comma after 'said'
Eric just gave a shrug not sure how to respond to that.- comma after 'shrug'
And some of the paragraphs seem to be indented more than others but perhaps that all gets fixed in the final setting out.
Best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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I'm really sorry this story has finished. I'm sure it will sell well. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
I only picked up a few small points:
"Hello, Herbie, nice to see you again. I knew you were having a problem trying to work out who I was, I could feel your eyes on me," Drozig told him. - period after 'was'
"I can well believe it," Drozig said before releasing - comma after 'said'
Back with the others, Ellie gave Eric a questioning look and threw a suspicious glance over at Drozig- comma after 'look'?
"I still don't know where you came from, but I'm guessing you'll be going back there now," Thomas said awkwardly thrusting his hands into his pockets. - comma after 'said'
Eric just gave a shrug not sure how to respond to that.- comma after 'shrug'
And some of the paragraphs seem to be indented more than others but perhaps that all gets fixed in the final setting out.
Best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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Thank you so very much for this very helpful review, Judy, I'm terrible with my commas! All corrected now. I can't have Eric's headteacher thinking I'm a dunce!! lol. Watch out for the next adventure in the New Year. Big hugs my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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I'm often not too sure about commas so sometimes I put a question mark. At least if I'm bringing an edit to someone's attention, they can then choose what they do about it. :)
Comment from shaffer40
I reviewed an earlier chapter, I believe. I liked it then, and I like it even better now. Congratulations on completing a book, quite an accomplishment, especially when it's all made up from your mind. Your characters have cool names. I made some suggestions that I hope you'll find useful.
************************************
I never thought I'd see you again; this is awesome!
I've been advised that semicolons are not appropriate in dialogue, so I
don't use them just in case.
Now I know why. Hello, Drozig." Herbie bobbed up and down as was his
way of a greeting.
Suggest: Now I know why." Herbie bobbed up and down, as was his way
of a greeting. "Hello, Drozig."
That confused him as he'd never had that happen to him before.
Needs comma, & I think "since" is more conversational.
Suggest: That confused him, since he'd never had that happen to him
before.
Herbies eyes did a jiggle as he tried to process that bit of information.
Herbie's eyes -- possessive needs apostrophe
"So why was that other man here acting as a medicine man?" Eric asked.
Notice that "Medicine Man" is in caps earlier. Perhaps should be
consistent.
"We have people all over this planet, my friend, keeping an eye on things
and reporting back to the Wise Ones. Even though they have given
you fifty Earth years to sort this planet out, they still like to know
what's happening here. It was a coincidence that one of our people
was in place in this tribe when you arrived," he said, leaning over to
fluff up Eric's hair. "When we found out it was you, I decided to come
and see what you were up to. You've done a fine job, my young
friend. The Wise Ones will be pleased when I report back."
Suggest: "We have people all over this planet, my friend," Drozig began,
"keeping an eye on things and reporting back to the Wise Ones. Even
though they've given you fifty Earth years to sort this planet out, they
still like to know what's happening here. It was a coincidence that
one of our people was in place in this tribe when you arrived. When
we found out it was you, I decided to come and see what you were up
to." He leaned over and fluffed Eric's hair. "You've done a fine job,
my young friend. The Wise Ones will be pleased when I report back."
"We'll be going back to our own time after we've taken Mr Thomas and
Ellie May back to their home. I think they will be friends with these
Indians now."
Suggest: period after "Mr." & contraction.
Mr. Thomas
I think they'll be friends
"I think they are ready for you to sing now."
Suggest contraction: "I think they're ready for you to sing now."
sitting down watching her.
Suggest comma: sitting down, watching her.
So would I be if I was standing in her shoes.
Omit "be" - "feel" is implied; "was-were"
Suggest: So would I if I were standing in her shoes.
Alternative, to be clearer:
I would be nervous, too, if I were standing in her shoes.
pretend you're only singing to him.
Misplaced "only" -- pretend you're singing only to him.
At the end of the song, the silence continued. It was as if everyone was in
a trance.
Suggest combine: At the end of the song, the silence continued, as
though everyone was in a trance.
"You can be sure of it, my little Earthling friend."
I think if you have Italics you don't need quote marks. If it's a thought,
it's Italics; if spoken, it's quotes.
Eric noticed his own face, and that of Herbie's had been carved upon it,
too!
Suggest: Eric noticed that his face, and that of Herbie's, had been carved
into it.
Eric stood beside his bike with Herbie sat on his handlebars and watched
as Ellie ran into her mother's arms. Still shaken from her unusual trip
back from the Indian village.
Suggest: Eric stood beside his bike, while Herbie sat on the handlebars.
The two of them watched as Ellie, still shaken from her unusual trip
back from the Indian village, ran into her mother's arms.
"I still don't know where you came from, but I'm guessing you'll be going
back there now," Thomas said awkwardly thrusting his hands into his
pockets. "We've a lot to thank you for; you and your unusual friend."
Suggest comma after "awkwardly" and dash rather than semicolon.
"I still don't know where you came from, but I'm guessing you'll be going
back there now," Thomas said, thrusting his hands awkwardly into
his pockets. "We've a lot to thank you for--you and your unusual
friend."
You've got an awesome voice; I'm glad I heard you sing."
Suggest no semicolon & reverse: "I'm glad I heard you sing. You have an
awesome voice."
He checked Herbie was holding tight.
Suggest: He checked that Herbie was holding tight.
"Goodbye, everyone. Take us home, Gizmo!"
Suggest putting this on separate line by itself to make it a nice, strong
ending.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
|
I reviewed an earlier chapter, I believe. I liked it then, and I like it even better now. Congratulations on completing a book, quite an accomplishment, especially when it's all made up from your mind. Your characters have cool names. I made some suggestions that I hope you'll find useful.
************************************
I never thought I'd see you again; this is awesome!
I've been advised that semicolons are not appropriate in dialogue, so I
don't use them just in case.
Now I know why. Hello, Drozig." Herbie bobbed up and down as was his
way of a greeting.
Suggest: Now I know why." Herbie bobbed up and down, as was his way
of a greeting. "Hello, Drozig."
That confused him as he'd never had that happen to him before.
Needs comma, & I think "since" is more conversational.
Suggest: That confused him, since he'd never had that happen to him
before.
Herbies eyes did a jiggle as he tried to process that bit of information.
Herbie's eyes -- possessive needs apostrophe
"So why was that other man here acting as a medicine man?" Eric asked.
Notice that "Medicine Man" is in caps earlier. Perhaps should be
consistent.
"We have people all over this planet, my friend, keeping an eye on things
and reporting back to the Wise Ones. Even though they have given
you fifty Earth years to sort this planet out, they still like to know
what's happening here. It was a coincidence that one of our people
was in place in this tribe when you arrived," he said, leaning over to
fluff up Eric's hair. "When we found out it was you, I decided to come
and see what you were up to. You've done a fine job, my young
friend. The Wise Ones will be pleased when I report back."
Suggest: "We have people all over this planet, my friend," Drozig began,
"keeping an eye on things and reporting back to the Wise Ones. Even
though they've given you fifty Earth years to sort this planet out, they
still like to know what's happening here. It was a coincidence that
one of our people was in place in this tribe when you arrived. When
we found out it was you, I decided to come and see what you were up
to." He leaned over and fluffed Eric's hair. "You've done a fine job,
my young friend. The Wise Ones will be pleased when I report back."
"We'll be going back to our own time after we've taken Mr Thomas and
Ellie May back to their home. I think they will be friends with these
Indians now."
Suggest: period after "Mr." & contraction.
Mr. Thomas
I think they'll be friends
"I think they are ready for you to sing now."
Suggest contraction: "I think they're ready for you to sing now."
sitting down watching her.
Suggest comma: sitting down, watching her.
So would I be if I was standing in her shoes.
Omit "be" - "feel" is implied; "was-were"
Suggest: So would I if I were standing in her shoes.
Alternative, to be clearer:
I would be nervous, too, if I were standing in her shoes.
pretend you're only singing to him.
Misplaced "only" -- pretend you're singing only to him.
At the end of the song, the silence continued. It was as if everyone was in
a trance.
Suggest combine: At the end of the song, the silence continued, as
though everyone was in a trance.
"You can be sure of it, my little Earthling friend."
I think if you have Italics you don't need quote marks. If it's a thought,
it's Italics; if spoken, it's quotes.
Eric noticed his own face, and that of Herbie's had been carved upon it,
too!
Suggest: Eric noticed that his face, and that of Herbie's, had been carved
into it.
Eric stood beside his bike with Herbie sat on his handlebars and watched
as Ellie ran into her mother's arms. Still shaken from her unusual trip
back from the Indian village.
Suggest: Eric stood beside his bike, while Herbie sat on the handlebars.
The two of them watched as Ellie, still shaken from her unusual trip
back from the Indian village, ran into her mother's arms.
"I still don't know where you came from, but I'm guessing you'll be going
back there now," Thomas said awkwardly thrusting his hands into his
pockets. "We've a lot to thank you for; you and your unusual friend."
Suggest comma after "awkwardly" and dash rather than semicolon.
"I still don't know where you came from, but I'm guessing you'll be going
back there now," Thomas said, thrusting his hands awkwardly into
his pockets. "We've a lot to thank you for--you and your unusual
friend."
You've got an awesome voice; I'm glad I heard you sing."
Suggest no semicolon & reverse: "I'm glad I heard you sing. You have an
awesome voice."
He checked Herbie was holding tight.
Suggest: He checked that Herbie was holding tight.
"Goodbye, everyone. Take us home, Gizmo!"
Suggest putting this on separate line by itself to make it a nice, strong
ending.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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Thank you so very much for this help! That was so kind of you. I'm glad you liked the way the last chapter ended. If I remember rightly, you were a bit concerned about how I would portray the Indians. I'd always intended them to be nice. So, I'm pleased that you enjoyed the ending. I've gone through the corrections and made some alterations as I went along. I really appreciate you taking the time to help, thank you! :)) Sandra xx
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I enjoy editing good stories.
Comment from aryr
This was a wonderful ending to the story, Sandra. It was an interesting twist that the medicine man was really a plant that was then replaced by Drozig, who enjoyed the opportunity to see his friend. Eric was definitely surprised and delighted. He had the chance to hear Ellie May sing and see that a friendship had been built between her family and the tribe. It was a great touch to add at the end, Eric's gift from the chief- a totem pole with him and Herbie on it. Very well done, very much enjoyed, thank you so much. Hugs, smiles and blessings-Alie
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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This was a wonderful ending to the story, Sandra. It was an interesting twist that the medicine man was really a plant that was then replaced by Drozig, who enjoyed the opportunity to see his friend. Eric was definitely surprised and delighted. He had the chance to hear Ellie May sing and see that a friendship had been built between her family and the tribe. It was a great touch to add at the end, Eric's gift from the chief- a totem pole with him and Herbie on it. Very well done, very much enjoyed, thank you so much. Hugs, smiles and blessings-Alie
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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What a lovely review, Alie, you are always so sweet when you read my work, it's so encouraging. I'm delighted you enjoyed this final chapter, now I have to prepare it for publishing. There will be a new story at the beginning of next year. I'm taking a rest from writing stories and will write a few poems instead. It's been a while since I last wrote one. Big hugs, dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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You are most welcome Sandra, enjoy your rest and I will watch for the poems, hugs and blessings Alie
Comment from royowen
What a lovely story Sandra, you've certainly plugged into the child psyche, particularly young Eric's, you must adore him, he's so fortunate to have you as a grandparent, he is blessed. A great touch to have Drozig inserted in the story. You can make this series a "Boy's annual" Sandra, well done, most enjoyable, blessings, Roy
Typo : And Drozig roar(ed) with laughter.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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What a lovely story Sandra, you've certainly plugged into the child psyche, particularly young Eric's, you must adore him, he's so fortunate to have you as a grandparent, he is blessed. A great touch to have Drozig inserted in the story. You can make this series a "Boy's annual" Sandra, well done, most enjoyable, blessings, Roy
Typo : And Drozig roar(ed) with laughter.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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I love the idea of a boy's annual, Roy. My word, I'll have to come up with some good ideas! Lol. Thank you so very much for the six stars, my friend, that is so very kind of you. Oh, and thank you for spotting that error! I'll nip and correct that now. Eric will go to Ancient Egypt in the beginning of the New Year! I hope you will follow along. Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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Looking forward
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Sandra,
This is a great conclusion. I enjoyed reading it. I like the positive way everything turned out. Your words flow smoothly to tell this story. I believe kids will enjoy the description of the Indians and the way Drozig appeared. I liked the lines about Ellie's singing.
Thanks for sharing. Jan
Suggestions:
I would change 'learnt' in the intro--maybe learned
in front of him and Herbie--->in front of Herbie and him
I don't believe Eric would say 'I'm so (pleased) to see you again-->kids don't talk like that--maybe it's great to see you
Oh wow! That's brilliant--> That's the best news I've heard.
Oy! I heard that Thomas . . . -->whatever
oy' means, cowboys would not say--> Ah, come on . . .
keeping her eyes on her father--> (pa)
When he came away-->When he
Still shaken from her . . . (incomplete sentence)--maybe She was still shaken . . .
Ellie now talking one to the dozen-->
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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Sandra,
This is a great conclusion. I enjoyed reading it. I like the positive way everything turned out. Your words flow smoothly to tell this story. I believe kids will enjoy the description of the Indians and the way Drozig appeared. I liked the lines about Ellie's singing.
Thanks for sharing. Jan
Suggestions:
I would change 'learnt' in the intro--maybe learned
in front of him and Herbie--->in front of Herbie and him
I don't believe Eric would say 'I'm so (pleased) to see you again-->kids don't talk like that--maybe it's great to see you
Oh wow! That's brilliant--> That's the best news I've heard.
Oy! I heard that Thomas . . . -->whatever
oy' means, cowboys would not say--> Ah, come on . . .
keeping her eyes on her father--> (pa)
When he came away-->When he
Still shaken from her . . . (incomplete sentence)--maybe She was still shaken . . .
Ellie now talking one to the dozen-->
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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Thank you again, Jan, for another lovely, detailed review. I'm going to sort the corrections out now. You've been so helpful letting me know how what the correct way of speaking would be by my characters. I like to get that right for authenticity. I also appreciate so much all the support you have given me, my friend. Thank you! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from damommy
Absolutely no mistakes! This has been another wonderful story, and I know the children will love it as much as I do. Don't be away too long. I'll be waiting for another good book to read.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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Absolutely no mistakes! This has been another wonderful story, and I know the children will love it as much as I do. Don't be away too long. I'll be waiting for another good book to read.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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Aww, bless you, Yvonne. I'm so pleased you enjoyed the ending. I'll be writing some poetry in between books. So you'll see me now and again. Thanks for all your support, my friend. I've really appreciated it. Big hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from WryWriter
A very good ending to a great book! Continue the series? Will Eric and Ellie meet again as teens???? LOL!
Some suggestions:
"I take it you're looking after our friend here?(("))
(This needs some rewording and edits:
Eric stood beside his bike with Herbie sat on his handlebars and watched as Ellie ran into her mother's arms. Still shaken from her unusual trip back from the Indian village.)
Thomas said awkwardly((,)) thrusting his hands into his pockets.
I'm glad you're all friends now," he said finally. Then he looked across at Ellie again, now talking one to the dozen
(("I'm glad you're all friends now," he said, and looked across at Ellie again now talking....)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
|
A very good ending to a great book! Continue the series? Will Eric and Ellie meet again as teens???? LOL!
Some suggestions:
"I take it you're looking after our friend here?(("))
(This needs some rewording and edits:
Eric stood beside his bike with Herbie sat on his handlebars and watched as Ellie ran into her mother's arms. Still shaken from her unusual trip back from the Indian village.)
Thomas said awkwardly((,)) thrusting his hands into his pockets.
I'm glad you're all friends now," he said finally. Then he looked across at Ellie again, now talking one to the dozen
(("I'm glad you're all friends now," he said, and looked across at Ellie again now talking....)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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Thank you again, my friend, for another helpful review. I'll get on and make the corrections now. I'm delighted you enjoyed the ending of this story, now for a break and get it prepared for publishing. Thank you for all your support, I've really appreciated it. :)) Sandra xxx
