Another Time, Another Place
An 'Alternate Facts' Contest Offering27 total reviews
Comment from Daniel Massey
Firstly, I wouldn't have used bold-writing at the beginning of a story, although if I was following correctly, it was the GPS in your car.
I think also moment, too is wrong and should be moment too.
You also seem to substitute the ellipses for a full stop.
Maybe I'm wrong, and you are right? Otherwise, a great story.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2020
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Firstly, I wouldn't have used bold-writing at the beginning of a story, although if I was following correctly, it was the GPS in your car.
I think also moment, too is wrong and should be moment too.
You also seem to substitute the ellipses for a full stop.
Maybe I'm wrong, and you are right? Otherwise, a great story.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2020
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Comment from Rosemary Everson1
I wrote on this topic too. Not convinced yet that dinosaurs did exist. I think they probably did years before man walked this earth. I had one author tell me that they did exist. Anyway, they sure make the movies and book shelves popular. good writing; suspenseful.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2019
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I wrote on this topic too. Not convinced yet that dinosaurs did exist. I think they probably did years before man walked this earth. I had one author tell me that they did exist. Anyway, they sure make the movies and book shelves popular. good writing; suspenseful.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2019
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Thanx so much, Rosemary, for your time in reading and reviewing Eloise's story -- so very appreciated! ;) :) Have a wonderful remainder of the week! ;) Yvette
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Yvette. I used to think that there were no longer dinosaurs living on earth. After reading this, I guess I will have to stand corrected. Since bugs are more prominent in this world than I thought I believe I'm reading a combination of Jurassic Park and Men in Black. I learn interesting stuff every time I'm on FS. :) Z
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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Hello Yvette. I used to think that there were no longer dinosaurs living on earth. After reading this, I guess I will have to stand corrected. Since bugs are more prominent in this world than I thought I believe I'm reading a combination of Jurassic Park and Men in Black. I learn interesting stuff every time I'm on FS. :) Z
Comment Written 02-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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LOL! Pretty sure you're still safe, Z -- the blonde just had to come up with something totally out of this world because of the topic: the only left in this reality was zombie dinos and I wasn't touching that one...LOL! ;) Thanx for the review, sir! ;) Yvette
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You're welcome. :) Z
Comment from Sylvia Page
Well done! In the beginning, I expected the story to develop into the paranormal, then when the cage appeared in the kitchen, I thought of something from outer space was abducting animals. I did not think of humans as it was too remote. Good imagination.
Best wishes
Sylvia
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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Well done! In the beginning, I expected the story to develop into the paranormal, then when the cage appeared in the kitchen, I thought of something from outer space was abducting animals. I did not think of humans as it was too remote. Good imagination.
Best wishes
Sylvia
Comment Written 02-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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Oh, Sylvia, you have put a huge grin here, ma'am! ;) :) When I first got the message that said 'dinosaurs' from the contest, I was flummoxed! ;) :) They've been so over-done, that it took me over a week to even start to put pen to paper!! ;) :) And, yeah, when the last key was typed and I saw that word-count, I just knew no one would read this, so thank you so very, very much!! :) ;) I hope you have a wonderful week ahead... Take care! ;) Yvette
Comment from country ranch writer
I am glad she was finally able to communicate with the creatures and they didn't eliminate her! Hope she had people food to eat. Wonder if she got to fix her dream house?
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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I am glad she was finally able to communicate with the creatures and they didn't eliminate her! Hope she had people food to eat. Wonder if she got to fix her dream house?
Comment Written 02-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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LOL! :) This was a crazy one with dinos being so over-done! ;) Glad you enjoyed Eloise, C-R ... I do appreciate your time and your review! ;) :) Take care! ;) Yvette
Comment from Debbie Pope
Well, Yvette, I certainly did enjoy Eloise's journey. Do you intend to do more with her character? You have left a lot to build upon.
I have read several of these alternative facts prompts. You had a hard one. Like you said, it's been done before, and it is hard to come up with something new. It's right up your sci-fi alley though. Your "cognitive cypher abilities" are amazing. No one "comes even close."
Amazing story. It's like a novella and it's just for play money.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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Well, Yvette, I certainly did enjoy Eloise's journey. Do you intend to do more with her character? You have left a lot to build upon.
I have read several of these alternative facts prompts. You had a hard one. Like you said, it's been done before, and it is hard to come up with something new. It's right up your sci-fi alley though. Your "cognitive cypher abilities" are amazing. No one "comes even close."
Amazing story. It's like a novella and it's just for play money.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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Oh, MQ, thank you so very much for this wonderful review!! :) After I entered and received my 'myth' I had NO IDEA what I was gonna do..... and then, when I finished writing this one and took a look at the word count, I thought, surely no one would even take the time to read it! :( But what's a blonde Southern girl supposed to do with freaking dinosaurs!! ;) :) LOL! LOL! :) I might come back and visit Eloise some time, but, right now, I just wanna find my 'new normal' around here.... my goal is next weekend now (getting the boys back on the road today) so, we shall see!! ;) :) Thanx again for stopping in and for TAKING THE TIME to read this one, my Beautiful B'ham Friend! :) Enjoy your Labor Day Celebrations and take care! ;) Yvette :)
Comment from JDRBAR
Wonderfully creative. Just as my Elvis will never die, neither will dinosaurs, LOL. Good luck with this. Giraffmang told me mine was too long. Did he review yours? I'm just curious if he said anything about length. Mine was about 4K, Your is about 6k. Hope that doesn't affect the voting.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2019
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Wonderfully creative. Just as my Elvis will never die, neither will dinosaurs, LOL. Good luck with this. Giraffmang told me mine was too long. Did he review yours? I'm just curious if he said anything about length. Mine was about 4K, Your is about 6k. Hope that doesn't affect the voting.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2019
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Yes, he did. ;) :) But I knew as soon as I finished mine that it probably won't do well, Diane -- readers never like to read much of anything that has any length to it. :) ;) I just couldn't come up with a modern twist since dinos have been done into the ground! :) I'm happy with it so, C'est la vie, I suppose... LOL! ;) Yours will probably do better since it is related to the 'real world' .... there aren't an abundance of folks that enjoy fantasy... :) :) But, as my mom used to say "Whatcha gonna do...?" :) ;) (wink, wink!) It is my genre of choice... :) :) ;) Thanx for the review, ma'am, and for taking the time to read -- enjoy your holiday weekend! ;) Yvette :)
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Unbelievably, I got more reviews of this silly story than I ever got on my book chapters. That amazed me considering the length. What the heck, giraffmang said MINIMUM of 1500 words. We complied, so he shouldn't criticize. LOL
Comment from JanPerry
This is all written in first person narrative as you share your internal world with us.You are goth girl buying a Von Trapp home. Is it because it's large and foreboding or just too old?
Then u get trapped on the subway with creepy characters as your imagination takes you on a world tour. Dinosaur Leo tries to rape you and there's a loud tumbling and it goes on and on. You have dinosaur theories not put into practice. I don't believe we can know what happened millions of years ago. Its too far fetched.
Perhaps put it into two parts or chapters so we can read more later? With a tumultuous ending/ ...to be continued. Good fun.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2019
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This is all written in first person narrative as you share your internal world with us.You are goth girl buying a Von Trapp home. Is it because it's large and foreboding or just too old?
Then u get trapped on the subway with creepy characters as your imagination takes you on a world tour. Dinosaur Leo tries to rape you and there's a loud tumbling and it goes on and on. You have dinosaur theories not put into practice. I don't believe we can know what happened millions of years ago. Its too far fetched.
Perhaps put it into two parts or chapters so we can read more later? With a tumultuous ending/ ...to be continued. Good fun.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2019
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Sorry, Jan but it's a contest... you can only submit the story as written. Also, you're right, we cannot know what happened millions of years ago, but the challenge of the contest was to debunk the idea that dinosaurs actually died out back then. Thank you for your review and I'm sorry it was disappointing... :) Have a wonderful day. :)
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Its not disappointing only too long. Its clever.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
many thanks for entering. Good job with this one, nice to see something a little different done with it too - that's the challenge. Also nice to see a piece of actual length on the site as well.
I made some notes as I read through-
I believe rear-view should be hyphenated.
. I looked nothing like the reserved, conservative twenty-eight year old that had just escaped The Program. - perhaps it would be better to hyphenate all to twenty-eight-year-old.
(complete with Program body guards).- bodyguards could be a single word here.
At least the cage was empty? Okay, yeah, that would be my - this didn't feel overly like a quesiton.
center of a circular clearing about fifteen feet in diameter . Huh.- delete the space after diameter.
Suddenly, the rumbling returned and a distinct feel of low-voltage - you may need a comma follwing returned here.
as he took another step toward me but at angle, presumably to try to pin me in. - at an angle?
I did notice that in the second half of this, there was more of a reliance on adverbs, usually grouped together which made them stand out more.
I found it easier to piece-down Clyde's. Again, I had no idea of his real name, but Clyde it would be for now.- Have many folk got this reference to the Clint eastwood movies? It's a nice touch.
"Grwwnnther Fmurepps ... My Team Our...growlygrowly" He said as he clasped the - he.
Perhaps all of the dinosaur's lanuage should have end punctuation before closing speech marks throughout?
Thoroughly enjoyable romp
G
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2019
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Hi there,
many thanks for entering. Good job with this one, nice to see something a little different done with it too - that's the challenge. Also nice to see a piece of actual length on the site as well.
I made some notes as I read through-
I believe rear-view should be hyphenated.
. I looked nothing like the reserved, conservative twenty-eight year old that had just escaped The Program. - perhaps it would be better to hyphenate all to twenty-eight-year-old.
(complete with Program body guards).- bodyguards could be a single word here.
At least the cage was empty? Okay, yeah, that would be my - this didn't feel overly like a quesiton.
center of a circular clearing about fifteen feet in diameter . Huh.- delete the space after diameter.
Suddenly, the rumbling returned and a distinct feel of low-voltage - you may need a comma follwing returned here.
as he took another step toward me but at angle, presumably to try to pin me in. - at an angle?
I did notice that in the second half of this, there was more of a reliance on adverbs, usually grouped together which made them stand out more.
I found it easier to piece-down Clyde's. Again, I had no idea of his real name, but Clyde it would be for now.- Have many folk got this reference to the Clint eastwood movies? It's a nice touch.
"Grwwnnther Fmurepps ... My Team Our...growlygrowly" He said as he clasped the - he.
Perhaps all of the dinosaur's lanuage should have end punctuation before closing speech marks throughout?
Thoroughly enjoyable romp
G
Comment Written 01-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2019
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Awwww, G, I bet you say that to all the girls...(wink, wink!) :) ;) :) Seriously, though -- thank you for taking the time to read through this one..... As soon as I finished and glanced at the word count, I kinda figured it wouldn't do well just cuz most folks don't seem to 'make it through' the longer posts -- ah, but, c'est la vie! :) I mean, what's a girl gonna do with more 'undead dinos' -- the zombie angle is about the only thing that might appeal in the modern world - LOL! ;) :) Thanx for all the catches...went back through and took care of them. :) Oh, and the Clyde angle? You are but the second person to pick up on that one... Right Turn, Clyde!! LOL! ;) :) You take care over there 'cross the pond, sir, and have a wonderful week ahead! ;) :) Yvette
Comment from susand3022
Oh Yes! They have, and they have!!! But I must say My Lady Y... this has to be the most creative way of bringing back the dinosaurs than any I have seen to date! Brava again! Now that's a crazy tale!... or is it tail? ;)
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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Oh Yes! They have, and they have!!! But I must say My Lady Y... this has to be the most creative way of bringing back the dinosaurs than any I have seen to date! Brava again! Now that's a crazy tale!... or is it tail? ;)
Comment Written 01-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2019
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Oh, Susan, you have no idea how wonderful that is to hear... you know, once I finished this up and noticed the word count, I thought, it'll never do well cuz it's too long.... but dinosaurs??? What else other than zombie dinos is there?!! :) :) It probably won't do well in the contest since it's so long, but I was satisfied with the 'blonde insanity' -- LOL!! ;) :)
By the end of today, I will officially be 'caught up' (if that ever really happens) and I can START to find my routine.... my OCD side is ecstatic! ;) :) :) Get my boys back on the road today and the house 'back to normal' and ..... well, I'm not going to get too excited yet! :) ;)
Hope y'all enjoy the holiday up there... take care, my Beautiful Lady S Friend, and thank you again for those stars!! ;) :) Yvette
