Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Obsession"Flash Fiction
15 total reviews
Comment from kmoss
Portfolio roulette! I scrolled until I came across one with 14 reviews, here's number 15. Apparently it means something here. Lol. This is so cute and funny! I like how the title and picture do not give anything away until the very end. Clever! :)
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2021
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Portfolio roulette! I scrolled until I came across one with 14 reviews, here's number 15. Apparently it means something here. Lol. This is so cute and funny! I like how the title and picture do not give anything away until the very end. Clever! :)
Comment Written 12-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2021
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You are so cool. Thank you. Genuinely. So much. You don't know what it means. No one reads these! Thank you!!
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I?ve been doing this for a bit on Liz?s profile. You are so talented!
Since you haven?t checked for a bit, now it looks like I?ve just been reading your whole portfolio. Lol
I like seeing so many responses from you though!
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That's seriously very very cool of you to say that :)
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
I knew from the beginning the needy one had to be a pet LOL. This is a beautifully penned entry as it tells a complete and engaging story in the 80 words allotted. Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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I knew from the beginning the needy one had to be a pet LOL. This is a beautifully penned entry as it tells a complete and engaging story in the 80 words allotted. Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Thank you so much! You got it :)
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Haha! This is fantastic! What a wonderful twist at the end! I'm sure a puppy who has a 4 year old owner feels exactly as you describe! Very well done!
Thank you for lifting my day! xoxo
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Haha! This is fantastic! What a wonderful twist at the end! I'm sure a puppy who has a 4 year old owner feels exactly as you describe! Very well done!
Thank you for lifting my day! xoxo
Comment Written 26-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Haha THANK YOU for the Huge review. Seriously I really appreciate it. Thank you.
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My pleasure to enjoy!!
Comment from visionary1234
I love this! Usually the 'twists' at the end of flash are kinda creepy but this one's funny as well, and very endearing. So a 'twist' on the 'twist'. Well done. Greg! :)s
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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I love this! Usually the 'twists' at the end of flash are kinda creepy but this one's funny as well, and very endearing. So a 'twist' on the 'twist'. Well done. Greg! :)s
Comment Written 26-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Thank you :)
You taught me how to do these btw
Comment from royowen
Aren't puppies a marvellous thing for four year olds. Our last dog, who was quite old when our granddaughter was only two, was absolutely besotted by her, and followed her like a puppy. A wonderful short story, with that hallmark surprise ending that makes this as a a classic, excellent, good luck Gregory, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Aren't puppies a marvellous thing for four year olds. Our last dog, who was quite old when our granddaughter was only two, was absolutely besotted by her, and followed her like a puppy. A wonderful short story, with that hallmark surprise ending that makes this as a a classic, excellent, good luck Gregory, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 26-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Thanks so much Roy! And for catching the ending. Appreciating it. You're awesome man.
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Good job
Comment from Loren .
Had me guessing through out. The ending tied up everything with a satisfying smile. The only area I would suggest changing is the use of the word epileptic. It seems too insensitive. I won't offer a substitute words for you as that is the challenge to your creative talent. Also, to break up the block of words, consider using another paragraph when you write "I felt smothered ...:" You painted a great picture in so few words. Kudos and good luck. Loren
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Had me guessing through out. The ending tied up everything with a satisfying smile. The only area I would suggest changing is the use of the word epileptic. It seems too insensitive. I won't offer a substitute words for you as that is the challenge to your creative talent. Also, to break up the block of words, consider using another paragraph when you write "I felt smothered ...:" You painted a great picture in so few words. Kudos and good luck. Loren
Comment Written 26-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Hmm yeah the paragraph. I was actually thinking that too! I'm going to go back and see what it looks like.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I have seen puppies jumping all over their tiny owners. I can see where it could be stifling and even hurtful. I don't think the word epileptic really fits in this humorous flash fiction. You sure had me thinking it was a wife or girlfriend. Well done, Gregory..Nancy:)
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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I have seen puppies jumping all over their tiny owners. I can see where it could be stifling and even hurtful. I don't think the word epileptic really fits in this humorous flash fiction. You sure had me thinking it was a wife or girlfriend. Well done, Gregory..Nancy:)
Comment Written 26-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Haha thank you Nancy! I really appreciate the notes too!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is well-written. I laughed at the end of the first time through. Another reviewer pointed this out, but I had a different suggestion, that instead of "the grace of an epileptic" maybe "the grace of a first-time ice skater" or "the grace of a Jell-O wrestler" just to avoid marginalizing epilepsy. I did not find anything else to improve on. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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This is well-written. I laughed at the end of the first time through. Another reviewer pointed this out, but I had a different suggestion, that instead of "the grace of an epileptic" maybe "the grace of a first-time ice skater" or "the grace of a Jell-O wrestler" just to avoid marginalizing epilepsy. I did not find anything else to improve on. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 26-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Hi again! Thank you! I will go back and look ;)
Comment from rama devi
HA HA HA! That is an HILARIOUS closing twist. You really got me there. Perfect gothya gag! So clever and amusing!
Superb deep POV and descriptive narrative voicing. I especially applaud:
my organs having to readjust themselves like furniture
AND
rubbing my back with the grace of an epileptic
Just one optional suggestion:
Fine. But I stand by my claim. (CONSIDER A COLON HERE)
No four-year-old should own a puppy.
Fine. But I stand by my claim:
No four-year-old should own a puppy.
This is so funny that I want to email it to my mom, as she will get a kick out of it, especially since I've been boarding dogs in our home at times, and she says I give them too much attention!
Ha ha ha. This should win the contest, hands down!
Chuckling,
rd
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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HA HA HA! That is an HILARIOUS closing twist. You really got me there. Perfect gothya gag! So clever and amusing!
Superb deep POV and descriptive narrative voicing. I especially applaud:
my organs having to readjust themselves like furniture
AND
rubbing my back with the grace of an epileptic
Just one optional suggestion:
Fine. But I stand by my claim. (CONSIDER A COLON HERE)
No four-year-old should own a puppy.
Fine. But I stand by my claim:
No four-year-old should own a puppy.
This is so funny that I want to email it to my mom, as she will get a kick out of it, especially since I've been boarding dogs in our home at times, and she says I give them too much attention!
Ha ha ha. This should win the contest, hands down!
Chuckling,
rd
Comment Written 26-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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WOW THANK YOU!! That's so cool. I really appreciate it Rama. Seriously. And thank you for pointing those lines out. A few people suggested I change the epilepsy line so as to not offend anyone. For one, I really don't think it would, and two, that's my humor/writing style. I think it's a good reference though so I'm keeping it ;)
I love dogs btw. I think they are connected to us on a certain transcendent level or vibration frequency. I really do. Funny thing? My last name is Martin, which I think you know. But Cody was my Golden Retriever I got when I was 24. He was the best. He was registered with the AKC as Sir Codybear Martin lol.
Seriously THANK YOU for this review :)
Also, could you tell me again the type of yoga you recommended?
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I agree, my friend. It is unlikely to offend and I think you should keep it.
I also agree about doggies. Thanks for sharing about Sir Cody.
There are many types of yoga. I recommend Amrita Yoga (taught by Amma's followers), if you can find it in your area. Otherwise, a more subtle yoga (not hot yoga) focused on the meditative aspects and including breathwork.
:-)
Comment from Neonewman
Ha! You brought me in, compelled me to believe this was a girlfriend or wife, them BAM! The twist brings everything into perspective. I absolutely loved it.
God bless
Steve
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Ha! You brought me in, compelled me to believe this was a girlfriend or wife, them BAM! The twist brings everything into perspective. I absolutely loved it.
God bless
Steve
Comment Written 26-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2019
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Thank you Steve! That's awesome of you :)
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My pleasure.
