Revenge Stinks!
Things turn out unexpectedly sometimes. (890 words)7 total reviews
Comment from Mia Twysted
Just like two best friends. This sounds like a conversation my sister and I would have. I love the play and the back and forth. It feels very natural.
Good luck.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
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Just like two best friends. This sounds like a conversation my sister and I would have. I love the play and the back and forth. It feels very natural.
Good luck.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
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Thanks for your comments... I'm pleased you found it sounded natural as I haven't written much dialogue before.
Comment from Debbie Pope
This is too much. A dead possum that looks like Jesus? That is hilarious. I watch for signs in life. I hope I never see one quite like that.
I love your creativity and sense of humor. Good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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This is too much. A dead possum that looks like Jesus? That is hilarious. I watch for signs in life. I hope I never see one quite like that.
I love your creativity and sense of humor. Good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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I've probably insulted a few Christians with that comparison, but at least it made the vengeful young woman come to her senses.
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It was hilarious.
Comment from pbomar1115
Two women up to no good seem to have it out for men in general. They have dastardly deeds in their wheelhouses. For instance, Jane is geared up to do harm to her buddy's ex, but she doesn't know that Suzy, the buddy, has already gotten revenge on her ex. A great story using dialogue. Good luck in the contest.
Phillip
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Two women up to no good seem to have it out for men in general. They have dastardly deeds in their wheelhouses. For instance, Jane is geared up to do harm to her buddy's ex, but she doesn't know that Suzy, the buddy, has already gotten revenge on her ex. A great story using dialogue. Good luck in the contest.
Phillip
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Thanks for your review. Women can be quite evil when they are after revenge. I'm pleased the possum was left to rest in peace.
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I thought it was good fiction writing.
Comment from Sylvia Page
What an evil plan, and then it misfires too! But Suzy already had something up her sleeve stuffing dog pooh in their shoes. What an evil revengeful pair. Very well written.
Sylvia
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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What an evil plan, and then it misfires too! But Suzy already had something up her sleeve stuffing dog pooh in their shoes. What an evil revengeful pair. Very well written.
Sylvia
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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The evil was hauled up short when Jesus appeared as a possum!
Thanks for your review.
Comment from Alex Rosel
I enjoyed reading this. Good luck with the contest {smiles}.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
I like how the essence of this story unfolds naturally in the first three paragraphs. That's neatly constructed {smiles}.
I'd consider..... -- Spag? Where an ellipsis [...] terminates a sentence it's valid to add the extra period to give four periods in a row [....]. Where an ellipsis signifies a break in a continuing sentence, it's more usual to limit it to just three periods [...]. You've used five periods here.
You didn't need to stomp on the brakes so hard! -- Ha,ha. A nice touch of humor injected here {smiles}.
Are you OK for me to tell you about the possum now? You won't throw up while you're driving, will you? -- I like how you position the reader in time and place here {smiles}.
I really like the penultimate paragraph. The plot takes an unexpected and delightful turn {smiles}.
I'm not too sure about the last paragraph, though. To me, it almost seems like an afterthought. Just my personal preference...
Good luck with the competition {smiles}.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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I enjoyed reading this. Good luck with the contest {smiles}.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
I like how the essence of this story unfolds naturally in the first three paragraphs. That's neatly constructed {smiles}.
I'd consider..... -- Spag? Where an ellipsis [...] terminates a sentence it's valid to add the extra period to give four periods in a row [....]. Where an ellipsis signifies a break in a continuing sentence, it's more usual to limit it to just three periods [...]. You've used five periods here.
You didn't need to stomp on the brakes so hard! -- Ha,ha. A nice touch of humor injected here {smiles}.
Are you OK for me to tell you about the possum now? You won't throw up while you're driving, will you? -- I like how you position the reader in time and place here {smiles}.
I really like the penultimate paragraph. The plot takes an unexpected and delightful turn {smiles}.
I'm not too sure about the last paragraph, though. To me, it almost seems like an afterthought. Just my personal preference...
Good luck with the competition {smiles}.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Thanks Alex.
I changed the ellipsis.
I put the last paragraph in to show that Suzy wasn't so passive after all - she had added to the 'stinky' basis of the story.
Comment from Patty Palmer
I totally enjoyed reading your story! It was interesting how I was able to follow the entire story just by the dialogue alone! Your story moved along fast enough from one sentence to the next you didn't get time for the mind to wander! Great job!
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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I totally enjoyed reading your story! It was interesting how I was able to follow the entire story just by the dialogue alone! Your story moved along fast enough from one sentence to the next you didn't get time for the mind to wander! Great job!
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Thank you so much for your affirming review. I was getting lost myself when I was writing it, so that is why I put the 2 speakers in different colours.
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You're welcome. The different colors probably made the world of difference!
Comment from Cheryl I
Hahaha! I guessed that the possum would be gone, but I was wrong. You did a very nice job on this dialogue-only story. It reads very well. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Hahaha! I guessed that the possum would be gone, but I was wrong. You did a very nice job on this dialogue-only story. It reads very well. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Thank you! I hope it wasn't too grotesque. I don't like touching dead animals.
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Hahaha! No, it was fine. :)
