final gift
a 5 7 5 poem8 total reviews
Comment from Janice Canerdy
You have made excellent use of your syllables to pay tribute to the medical practice of organ transplants and to the resulting survival and JOY. "Renews" doesn't need the "s." (Beats renew . . . )
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
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You have made excellent use of your syllables to pay tribute to the medical practice of organ transplants and to the resulting survival and JOY. "Renews" doesn't need the "s." (Beats renew . . . )
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
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Thanks for the review and correction. For someone who needs it, the gift is priceless, cheers.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written 5-7-5 poem of hope that organ donations bring to ones who may not live because of that and someone who gifts his organs to someone who may need it.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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A very well-written 5-7-5 poem of hope that organ donations bring to ones who may not live because of that and someone who gifts his organs to someone who may need it.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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It is a priceless gift for someone in need. Thanks for the insightful review Sandra. Cheers.
Comment from DonandVicki
Your poem opens the imagination as all good poetry should do. Your poem can be interpreted in many different ways. I think the image helps to complement your work.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Your poem opens the imagination as all good poetry should do. Your poem can be interpreted in many different ways. I think the image helps to complement your work.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Thanks for the insightful review. I cannot think of a gift more valuable. Cheers.
Comment from Mark D. R.
such an important moment you raised by your posting - great idea to bring awareness to this issue via FanStory
good luck on your entry - it is a unique statement for sure!
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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such an important moment you raised by your posting - great idea to bring awareness to this issue via FanStory
good luck on your entry - it is a unique statement for sure!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Thanks for the encouraging review. It is a priceless gift. Cheers.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This is a great 575, Judester, celebrating the gift of being an organ donor. Good job with the syllable count per line. Best wishes. Jan
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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This is a great 575, Judester, celebrating the gift of being an organ donor. Good job with the syllable count per line. Best wishes. Jan
Comment Written 21-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Thanks for the review Jan. It is such a wonderful gift to someone suffering. Cheers.
Comment from country ranch writer
I read a story yesterday of a organ donor being so young helping ten people get a new lease on life this deserves more than two cents.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
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I read a story yesterday of a organ donor being so young helping ten people get a new lease on life this deserves more than two cents.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
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Thanks for the review. To someone who needs a organ, this gift is priceless. Yes, I should promote my poems. Hope that you are doing fine and enjoying the summer. Cheers, j
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Smiles
Comment from rama devi
Touching. Poignant. Rich in meaning. I like that this makes the reader ponder before delivering the aha. My only critique is the use of a cap on the second line when the other two don't have them and also the use of filler words in line two detracts from word economy precision. Maybe try tightening and adding a descriptive word. Example:
in a stranger's renewed chest ~
Almost a six. Bravo...and good luck!
Love the theme.
Nice to see a post from you!
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
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Touching. Poignant. Rich in meaning. I like that this makes the reader ponder before delivering the aha. My only critique is the use of a cap on the second line when the other two don't have them and also the use of filler words in line two detracts from word economy precision. Maybe try tightening and adding a descriptive word. Example:
in a stranger's renewed chest ~
Almost a six. Bravo...and good luck!
Love the theme.
Nice to see a post from you!
Love,
rd
Comment Written 21-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
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You had me at word economy precision. Thanks for the insightful review and great advice, it reads much better.
Hope that you are happy and doing well. I am enjoying the summer in beautiful Vermont. j
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So glad to be of service, dear. Vermont...so lovely! I'm in India. Back to Florida next month. Love, rd
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nice to switch up living spaces. Went to bread and puppet last Sunday. One of the best in the past 40 years, a new energy. aaand fair season coming up, my favorite! I have a feeling our paths might cross one day. Nice too hear from you dear, namaste, j
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I've always had that feeling, too, dear. Perhaps we can attend a bread and puppet show! You are also welcome to spend a weekend with us in Florida if you like! Namaste! rd
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Cheers, trying to get to the Keys to spend time with my sister. We'd be in the same state and that's a start, haha
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You're welcome to include a couple of days in Fort Myers when you come to keys (if the timing works) Love, rd
Comment from Agate Lucas
A moving tribute to organ donors all over the world! Beautiful written and piercing emotionally ! Despite its briefness, it evokes the pain of a mother and the incredible gift to the stranger who now has his heart. Great job!
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
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A moving tribute to organ donors all over the world! Beautiful written and piercing emotionally ! Despite its briefness, it evokes the pain of a mother and the incredible gift to the stranger who now has his heart. Great job!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
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I can't even imagine that emotion. Thanks for the review, cheers.
