The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 80 "Lahore"A Novel
30 total reviews
Comment from JudyE
We're home again now so I am not in any danger of missing out on chapters for a while. I couldn't find anything to correct but I did wonder about the following: 'Quarter of an hour later, our cases were being loaded into the boot of a Metro Radio Cab'. I might have said 'A quarter of an hour...' but I doubt it matters.
Cheers
Judy
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
  |
We're home again now so I am not in any danger of missing out on chapters for a while. I couldn't find anything to correct but I did wonder about the following: 'Quarter of an hour later, our cases were being loaded into the boot of a Metro Radio Cab'. I might have said 'A quarter of an hour...' but I doubt it matters.
Cheers
Judy
Comment Written 18-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
-
I hope you enjoyed your time away. Many thanks for your sixth star and suggestion. ?A quarter? is better, so I?ve made the amendment. All the best, Tony.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Tony,
And so it begins...
I'm surprised Bamforth or Parsons didn't provide a wedding ring.
British Intelligence is slipping. M would have seen to it.
Trains seem to have negative effects of fate of Charles,
and Rasheed is bit too helpful. See how suspicious you've made me :)
Well done
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Robert
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
|
Hello Tony,
And so it begins...
I'm surprised Bamforth or Parsons didn't provide a wedding ring.
British Intelligence is slipping. M would have seen to it.
Trains seem to have negative effects of fate of Charles,
and Rasheed is bit too helpful. See how suspicious you've made me :)
Well done
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Robert
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
-
Thanks for your review and extra star, Robert. Yes, Parsons didn?t do a very good job there, did he? Perhaps he assumed that Helen, being a Pakistani, would already know about such things.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Tony, this is a great continuation and a colourful one to say the least. About the engines be put in to reverse. Hmm. The back burners would have kicked in and flames coming out of the rear of the engines .I would expand on that as it is quite frightening for the poor passengers. And an average reader wouldn't fully understand the situation. Just a suggestion. You as a former pilot would, of course know it much better than I, but I've experienced it a couple of times in an emergency braking.
So Brandon is as wary of Helen as I am. I'm waiting for what's next. Great writing as always. All best Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
 |
Hi Tony, this is a great continuation and a colourful one to say the least. About the engines be put in to reverse. Hmm. The back burners would have kicked in and flames coming out of the rear of the engines .I would expand on that as it is quite frightening for the poor passengers. And an average reader wouldn't fully understand the situation. Just a suggestion. You as a former pilot would, of course know it much better than I, but I've experienced it a couple of times in an emergency braking.
So Brandon is as wary of Helen as I am. I'm waiting for what's next. Great writing as always. All best Ulla:)))
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
-
Thanks, Ulla. I may have to edit that bit about the reverse thrust. On the Hercules, a turbo-prop, we always used it. Some captains a bit more aggressively than others!
-
I think it would be good to expand on and it would ad a bit of suspense, as well. :))
-
I agree. I?ll have another look at it. Ramping up the action never does any harm!
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Tony. LOL at the are you are going (doubling up on chapter postings) you will overtake spot one for novelists soon. (Been there done that...it's no big deal, my friend.
This chapter moves along very rapidly, it seemed.
Great imagery as always like,
"The man shrugged. "Hard to say? A day or two perhaps. It is kismet," he said, twirling the ends of his moustache. "Who am I to foretell the future?" He gazed at us from under shaggy brows, his brown eyes calm as muddy pools on a river bend."
Perhaps a cheap wedding band would spare them a lot of questions. ?? Good job, Tony as usual. Bob
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
|
Hi, Tony. LOL at the are you are going (doubling up on chapter postings) you will overtake spot one for novelists soon. (Been there done that...it's no big deal, my friend.
This chapter moves along very rapidly, it seemed.
Great imagery as always like,
"The man shrugged. "Hard to say? A day or two perhaps. It is kismet," he said, twirling the ends of his moustache. "Who am I to foretell the future?" He gazed at us from under shaggy brows, his brown eyes calm as muddy pools on a river bend."
Perhaps a cheap wedding band would spare them a lot of questions. ?? Good job, Tony as usual. Bob
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
-
Thanks, Bob. I imagine that I?ll slip down the rankings pretty fast. Probably a good thing too. If I won a trophy, it would only validate my wife?s view that I spend far too much time on FS. These wedding bands sometimes have their downside!
Nonetheless, I anticipate a little shopping expedition for these two sparring partners before they leave Lahore. All the best, Tony.
-
Just so you know, I got the trophy one year. LOL All I can say is you would think Tom and Fanstory could do better. : ) Bob
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'm not sure how much Charles can trust Helen myself. I have a feeling this trip might enlighten us on her trustworthiness. I do completely enjoy this story.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
|
I'm not sure how much Charles can trust Helen myself. I have a feeling this trip might enlighten us on her trustworthiness. I do completely enjoy this story.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
-
As always, I appreciate your review, Barbara. I think that I trust Helen more than Charles seems to - but I?m pretty gullible! LOL 😂
Comment from juliaSjames
The taxi driver steals the show in this well written chapter. You've portrayed him true to type. LOL
But I have to say that Charles doesn't cover himself with glory. Let's hope he conquers his nerves as the plot unfolds.
Helen knows how to bargain and she speaks Urdu. So I hope that she will soon reveal that she's packed the right clothing. Then she can smirk at Charles!
The wedding ring's another matter entirely. I wonder what you've got up your sleeve.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
|
The taxi driver steals the show in this well written chapter. You've portrayed him true to type. LOL
But I have to say that Charles doesn't cover himself with glory. Let's hope he conquers his nerves as the plot unfolds.
Helen knows how to bargain and she speaks Urdu. So I hope that she will soon reveal that she's packed the right clothing. Then she can smirk at Charles!
The wedding ring's another matter entirely. I wonder what you've got up your sleeve.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
-
Thanks, Julia. Glad you liked the taxi driver. Yes, I hardly think that Helen, as a Pakistani national, would have come completely unprepared. She would, of course, have known that Lahore is one of the most cosmopolitan and progressive cities in the country.
I imagine she?ll come to Charles?s rescue a few times with her language skills and cultural knowledge as they move further north.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
Another engaging and intriguing addition, my friend. I got a bit nervous when they went through customs thinking this was where the foreshadow of passport regret would be revealed - you fooled me LOL. You have a couple of small typos to look at:
"I cursed silently. "How long for?" This just doesn't read right to me; would 'For how long?' work?
"She said it was time you made an honest woman of me." - should be 'make'.
Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
|
Another engaging and intriguing addition, my friend. I got a bit nervous when they went through customs thinking this was where the foreshadow of passport regret would be revealed - you fooled me LOL. You have a couple of small typos to look at:
"I cursed silently. "How long for?" This just doesn't read right to me; would 'For how long?' work?
"She said it was time you made an honest woman of me." - should be 'make'.
Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
-
Very many thanks for your suggestions. Appreciated. Glad you?re still enjoying it. All good wishes, Tony.
Comment from damommy
Whew! For a moment, I thought they were in a bind. It's good to see Charles having doubts about Helen. It would take a lot of courage to go undercover in such a place and circumstances.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
|
Whew! For a moment, I thought they were in a bind. It's good to see Charles having doubts about Helen. It would take a lot of courage to go undercover in such a place and circumstances.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
-
Thanks, Yvonne. It certainly looks as if they might have reached the point of no return. Charles will have to rely on Helen quite a bit. I hope she doesn?t let her down.
Comment from estory
I thought the layout of this was very realistic and the realistic dialogue put us right on the scene with these characters unfolding around us. The local color casts a subtle shadow of tension and danger, the unfamiliar culture, the watching customs officials; they all seem to foreshadow an impending wild ride. They seem casual, but it is a watchful casualness, as if they are or might be watching on behalf of the Lion. It really seemed like a movie script and there was a great visual sense of the scenes and the characters. Keep up the good work. estory
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
|
I thought the layout of this was very realistic and the realistic dialogue put us right on the scene with these characters unfolding around us. The local color casts a subtle shadow of tension and danger, the unfamiliar culture, the watching customs officials; they all seem to foreshadow an impending wild ride. They seem casual, but it is a watchful casualness, as if they are or might be watching on behalf of the Lion. It really seemed like a movie script and there was a great visual sense of the scenes and the characters. Keep up the good work. estory
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
-
Thank you very much for your comments about the locale and the visual aspects of this chapter. I was hoping to convey something of the essence of the place and a sense of foreboding.
I appreciate the validation of the sixth star. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
I enjoyed this follow on chapter. I also shared their anxiety when the the customs/immigration man at Lahore asked questions which in the circumstances were very relevant. Lack of a wedding ring when just supposedly married would be rather strange.
When I come on the site I will look out for your posts.
Warmly,
Juliette
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
|
I enjoyed this follow on chapter. I also shared their anxiety when the the customs/immigration man at Lahore asked questions which in the circumstances were very relevant. Lack of a wedding ring when just supposedly married would be rather strange.
When I come on the site I will look out for your posts.
Warmly,
Juliette
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
-
Thanks very much, Juliette. I appreciate your interest and continued support. All the best, Tony.
