Miscellaneous Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Therapy"Poems not in other books
23 total reviews
Comment from catch22
Hi Craig, I really liked this rhyming poem in ballad meter about the unfortunate state of the world and the poor attitudes of the people in it. It's ironic to think we could solve these problems if we all really wanted to. Nobody wants to listen and certainly not come to a consensus or level of understanding. Excellent entry in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Hi Craig, I really liked this rhyming poem in ballad meter about the unfortunate state of the world and the poor attitudes of the people in it. It's ironic to think we could solve these problems if we all really wanted to. Nobody wants to listen and certainly not come to a consensus or level of understanding. Excellent entry in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2019
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Thanks very much Pam. Most grateful for the kind words and thoughtful comments. Listening doesn't seem to be a much-prized skill these days.
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a very well written rhyming poem, Craig. Very enjoyable to read. I agree that doing something productive with our time, enjoying ourselves, taking things more lightly is a great therapy. Nice job. Marilyn
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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This is a very well written rhyming poem, Craig. Very enjoyable to read. I agree that doing something productive with our time, enjoying ourselves, taking things more lightly is a great therapy. Nice job. Marilyn
Comment Written 18-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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Thanks very much, Marilyn. Most appreciated. Craig
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks the story of immoral activities in all walks of living, crime mongers have been spreading crimes in all spheres of living, joy-peace-happiness is not there in man's living, loss of human values is evident to people ruling over nation and society; therapy is needed at all states of inhuman living; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Write to Inspire, Change.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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This speaks the story of immoral activities in all walks of living, crime mongers have been spreading crimes in all spheres of living, joy-peace-happiness is not there in man's living, loss of human values is evident to people ruling over nation and society; therapy is needed at all states of inhuman living; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Write to Inspire, Change.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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Thanks for the kind comments, much appreciated. Craig
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Well done with your 8 syllable, internal rhyme lines Craig and a very apt choice of topic with all the violence going on both in our country and around the world. Loved this one,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2019
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Well done with your 8 syllable, internal rhyme lines Craig and a very apt choice of topic with all the violence going on both in our country and around the world. Loved this one,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2019
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Thanks so much, Valda. I appreciate the great comments -- Craig
Comment from Santiago2
Alternating pentameter and trimeter is so well done. A real pleasure to read. Displays a serious poetic sense and talent.
As to the message, retreat is not an option
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2019
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Alternating pentameter and trimeter is so well done. A real pleasure to read. Displays a serious poetic sense and talent.
As to the message, retreat is not an option
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2019
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I know you meant tetrameter.
Well, I guess we can always do our own little bit to add to the noise and sabre rattling. Or, we can take a chill pill and encourage everyone else to do the same.
Thanks for the kind words :)
Craig
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Tetrameter, sorry. Beautifully done.
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Tetrameter, sorry. Beautifully done.
Comment from rama devi
Outstanding rhymes, slant rhymes and internal rhymes, which makes this a very strong entry fore the rhyming contest. It also has near-flawless meter and fluid flow as well as fine phonetics in phrasing, adding even more musical appeal. But the reason for the six is not just all of these aspects, it is also the THEME, which is intense, relevant and delivered with a high emotional pitch and tenor.
Just one line has slightly forced scansion, which poetic license permits, but I felt to mention it:
No "them and us" on our school bus,
it was a peaceful run.
The accent on school BUS sounds unnatural. An easy fix (plus spag change too):
No "them and us" upon our bus;
it was a peaceful run.
I am most impressed with these lines (in terms of rhymes):
We once gave rest to the oppressed
Divergent views were hardly news
A lifted weight, to contemplate
The joy of craft will drown the daft
Just one more line has a flow issue:
I'll make my spouse a nice bird house,
a train set for our boys.
The accents sound unnatural, and I also recommend a dash instead of comma.
bird HOUSE sounds odd. But it squeezes by. Still, here is an idea:
I'll make my spouse a bird's wood house--
a train set for our boys.
Favorite stanzas (for impact):
Remember when we both were ten,
our dispositions mild?
Divergent views were hardly news
and didn't drive us wild.
AND
No "them and us" on our school bus,
it was a peaceful run.
How time has flown. Now we have "grown",
exchanging toys for guns.
And the closing is awesome too:
When I emerge, if on the verge
of doom, our world is stood...
my cave I'll seek, therein to wreak
stern vengeance on some wood.
Optional punctuation change idea:
When I emerge, if on the verge
of doom our world is stood,
my cave I'll seek, therein to wreak
stern vengeance on some wood.
Loved this...the man-cave woodworking scene helping one cope with the tragic state of affairs in the world. Crafts are meditative and therapeutic.
Bravo.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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Outstanding rhymes, slant rhymes and internal rhymes, which makes this a very strong entry fore the rhyming contest. It also has near-flawless meter and fluid flow as well as fine phonetics in phrasing, adding even more musical appeal. But the reason for the six is not just all of these aspects, it is also the THEME, which is intense, relevant and delivered with a high emotional pitch and tenor.
Just one line has slightly forced scansion, which poetic license permits, but I felt to mention it:
No "them and us" on our school bus,
it was a peaceful run.
The accent on school BUS sounds unnatural. An easy fix (plus spag change too):
No "them and us" upon our bus;
it was a peaceful run.
I am most impressed with these lines (in terms of rhymes):
We once gave rest to the oppressed
Divergent views were hardly news
A lifted weight, to contemplate
The joy of craft will drown the daft
Just one more line has a flow issue:
I'll make my spouse a nice bird house,
a train set for our boys.
The accents sound unnatural, and I also recommend a dash instead of comma.
bird HOUSE sounds odd. But it squeezes by. Still, here is an idea:
I'll make my spouse a bird's wood house--
a train set for our boys.
Favorite stanzas (for impact):
Remember when we both were ten,
our dispositions mild?
Divergent views were hardly news
and didn't drive us wild.
AND
No "them and us" on our school bus,
it was a peaceful run.
How time has flown. Now we have "grown",
exchanging toys for guns.
And the closing is awesome too:
When I emerge, if on the verge
of doom, our world is stood...
my cave I'll seek, therein to wreak
stern vengeance on some wood.
Optional punctuation change idea:
When I emerge, if on the verge
of doom our world is stood,
my cave I'll seek, therein to wreak
stern vengeance on some wood.
Loved this...the man-cave woodworking scene helping one cope with the tragic state of affairs in the world. Crafts are meditative and therapeutic.
Bravo.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 16-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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Hi RD,
Firstly, thanks so much for the detailed and thoughtful review. It is a tremendous help.
I agree about the scansion in the "school bus", however I'm reticent to remove the word "school". Do you think the following would be OK?
Our school bus bore no "them and us";
it was a peaceful run
or,
No tribal fuss, no "them and us"
on peaceful school bus runs.
Bird house is what everyone calls them in this part of the world, so it doesn't sound unnatural to my ears. But the line did seem a bit odd to me too, so I'm glad you brought it forward. I think maybe "nice" is a weak word. Also, I'm not sure about "make". Do you think this might be an improvement?
I'll give my spouse a fine bird house--
a train set for our boys.
Or, I can leave it as "make".
Thanks once again for the suggestions and also for the lovely compliments and the stellar rating. All are really appreciated :)
Craig
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I've made some changes based on your comments. I think (hope) it reads better now. I'm happier with it. Thanks once again, RD :)
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Thanks for your gracious resoilnse and elaborations. I really like this edit:
Our school bus bore no "them and us";
Bird house is what they are called in US too...but it was the accented syllable issue for me read aloud. I love your new version. Excellent edits!
Warmly, rd
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Yay! So glad to help...and glad you made those great edits. :-)))
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This is really well-written, moving, and heart-wrenching in its expression
of the shape the world is in. Yes, nowadays simple disagreement sometimes result in someone getting blown away.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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This is really well-written, moving, and heart-wrenching in its expression
of the shape the world is in. Yes, nowadays simple disagreement sometimes result in someone getting blown away.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Thanks for the lovely comments, Janice. They are very much appreciated. Craig
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a well written poem about all the mass shootings and other violence that seems to be rife now. It is sad that people have to respond
to things with guns instead of words or creating beautiful things like you do in your hide away.
Good luck and keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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This is a well written poem about all the mass shootings and other violence that seems to be rife now. It is sad that people have to respond
to things with guns instead of words or creating beautiful things like you do in your hide away.
Good luck and keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 15-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Thanks so much for the kind comments, Joan. Much appreciated, Craig
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You are most kindly welcome, Craig.
Joan
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Well done, Craig! You did a great job with the rhyme on this poem, a fun read that bounced right along with good meter and thought engaging story. Well done and good luck in the contest. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Well done, Craig! You did a great job with the rhyme on this poem, a fun read that bounced right along with good meter and thought engaging story. Well done and good luck in the contest. Nancy:)
Comment Written 15-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Thanks very much, Nancy. Most grateful, Craig
Comment from Janetsue
This is an excellent abcb poem with a lot of common sense. How is it possible to cope with the madness going on around us all the time? You have provided the answer because it's finding pleasure in some kine of good and creative activity like woodworking and/or writing.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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This is an excellent abcb poem with a lot of common sense. How is it possible to cope with the madness going on around us all the time? You have provided the answer because it's finding pleasure in some kine of good and creative activity like woodworking and/or writing.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Yes, writing works too. Music, anything in which we can take refuge when the daily madness gets too much. Thanks for the kind comments. Craig
