The Engagement Party
Gotcha40 total reviews
Comment from Rikki66
When presented with a paternity test real or false many men will remember the past and wonder is it possible. I did not know about Scheme-A-Dream.
RikkiLXVI
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2019
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When presented with a paternity test real or false many men will remember the past and wonder is it possible. I did not know about Scheme-A-Dream.
RikkiLXVI
Comment Written 14-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2019
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Thanks. Yep, if a guy has a past he's going to wonder. Otherwise the prank wouldn't work.
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True.
Rikki LXVI
Comment from tfawcus
A nasty situation for the poor bloke. Who doesn't have a skeleton or two in the cupboard? I imagine that he wouldn't have been able to choose between being relieved or being furious when the truth was revealed. Nicely tole in your flash fiction piece.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2019
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A nasty situation for the poor bloke. Who doesn't have a skeleton or two in the cupboard? I imagine that he wouldn't have been able to choose between being relieved or being furious when the truth was revealed. Nicely tole in your flash fiction piece.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2019
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Thanks. I imagine he'll be furious at first and laugh about it later.
Comment from Alex Rosel
I enjoyed reading this. It kept my interest throughout. I think you've constructed it well, but it's just as well I read the author's notes first as I have no notion what "Scheme-a-Dream" is.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
The Beatles 'Michelle' plays on the sound system. -- I like this. It places in the reader's mind who this party is meant to be for, and it does so without directly telling the information {smiles}.
A camera zooms in on it. -- This is neat. It's "setting up" the twist {smiles}.
There's a 99.97 chance you are the father. -- Spag? This is a picky point. I assume you mean "99.97%" chance. If so, I think it needs to be explicitly stated. "99.97" chance doesn't really mean a lot without a reference point.
Good luck with the competition {smiles}.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2019
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I enjoyed reading this. It kept my interest throughout. I think you've constructed it well, but it's just as well I read the author's notes first as I have no notion what "Scheme-a-Dream" is.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
The Beatles 'Michelle' plays on the sound system. -- I like this. It places in the reader's mind who this party is meant to be for, and it does so without directly telling the information {smiles}.
A camera zooms in on it. -- This is neat. It's "setting up" the twist {smiles}.
There's a 99.97 chance you are the father. -- Spag? This is a picky point. I assume you mean "99.97%" chance. If so, I think it needs to be explicitly stated. "99.97" chance doesn't really mean a lot without a reference point.
Good luck with the competition {smiles}.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2019
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Thanks. I'll put that % in. I have to edit the word count anyway. Apparently the site word counter isn't very accurate.
Comment from MamaBebop
I have never heard of Scheme-A-Dream. Sounds like a fascinating business venture, if not a little risky at times. I'm not really sure I get from your story that it's an engagement party except for the fact it's your title.
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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I have never heard of Scheme-A-Dream. Sounds like a fascinating business venture, if not a little risky at times. I'm not really sure I get from your story that it's an engagement party except for the fact it's your title.
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 13-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thanks. I don't know much about the business. I imagine they have good lawyers. LOL Thanks again for the stars and good wishes.
Comment from Sally Law
This is a cute almost dialogue only contest entry. I've never heard of scheme-a-dream, sounds fascinating.
I will give this five stars hoping you will:
1) Recheck the word count. It must be exactly 150, no more and no less, or you risk being disqualified. Sad but
true, this has happened to me, unfortunately.
2) This needs grooming a bit for the competition. Line or paragraph breaks are okay. I would add art, too, to add to your overall presentation and garner higher ratings.
I hope this helps and my advice readies you for the upcoming contest. Good luck and best wishes,
Sally xo
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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This is a cute almost dialogue only contest entry. I've never heard of scheme-a-dream, sounds fascinating.
I will give this five stars hoping you will:
1) Recheck the word count. It must be exactly 150, no more and no less, or you risk being disqualified. Sad but
true, this has happened to me, unfortunately.
2) This needs grooming a bit for the competition. Line or paragraph breaks are okay. I would add art, too, to add to your overall presentation and garner higher ratings.
I hope this helps and my advice readies you for the upcoming contest. Good luck and best wishes,
Sally xo
Comment Written 13-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thanks. The machine must be a little off. I'll have to recount the words myself.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
You may want to recheck your word count here. the piece has top be exactly 150 words long but this only comes in at just over 140. It's running the risk of disqualification at present.
It may also be an idea to insert some clear lines between paragraphs/dialogue to an easier read.
The story itself has a peculiar tone to it where it almost appears to have script directions at one point - a camera zoms in on it.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Hi there,
You may want to recheck your word count here. the piece has top be exactly 150 words long but this only comes in at just over 140. It's running the risk of disqualification at present.
It may also be an idea to insert some clear lines between paragraphs/dialogue to an easier read.
The story itself has a peculiar tone to it where it almost appears to have script directions at one point - a camera zoms in on it.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 13-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thanks. I let the machine count them. It said exactly 150. I'll have to count them again myself.
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If you're using the on-site counter, it's always wrong.
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That's what I used. Thanks for letting me know.
Comment from Louise Michelle
I think you did a good job with this flash, Cindy. The lack of spacing works so well because the story is short and it keeps the read fast paced.
Haha - they sure fooled him! When he gets over his shock, maybe he'll see the humor. An enjoyable read. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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I think you did a good job with this flash, Cindy. The lack of spacing works so well because the story is short and it keeps the read fast paced.
Haha - they sure fooled him! When he gets over his shock, maybe he'll see the humor. An enjoyable read. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 13-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thanks. He'd have to have a past for the prank to work. Yeah, he'll probably laugh later. He'll have to.
Comment from LisaMay
Oh what a mean trick! especially at the engagement party... instant family. But funny to see the look on his face. 'So many women, so much beer' probably catches a lot of people out. Your story is believable, paced well, and entertaining.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Oh what a mean trick! especially at the engagement party... instant family. But funny to see the look on his face. 'So many women, so much beer' probably catches a lot of people out. Your story is believable, paced well, and entertaining.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thanks. A lot of people thought the prank was mean. It was fun imagining his reaction, tho. Glad you found it entertaining.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Yes he's been pranked and reacted in a way many in his position would, about to have a heart attack. Scheme-a-Dream, there's a nifty, fun thought. With a past like his, this could have been reality. The twisted ending of being pranked adds another dimension to the storyline.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Yes he's been pranked and reacted in a way many in his position would, about to have a heart attack. Scheme-a-Dream, there's a nifty, fun thought. With a past like his, this could have been reality. The twisted ending of being pranked adds another dimension to the storyline.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thanks. Yep, he'd have to have an interesting past or the prank wouldn't work. It was a fun write, imagining his reaction.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
You have made good use of dialogue in this concise narrative. It was clever to have the character who has been so convincingly pranked actually wondering if this could be his son--until the end.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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You have made good use of dialogue in this concise narrative. It was clever to have the character who has been so convincingly pranked actually wondering if this could be his son--until the end.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thanks. Glad you thought it was clever.
