tanka prose (roots)
a memory43 total reviews
Comment from Brittany Jeanette
I enjoyed the build to the last five lines, which were very descriptive and beautiful. Love the flow of alliteration like "dainty" and "dangle". Very well done.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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I enjoyed the build to the last five lines, which were very descriptive and beautiful. Love the flow of alliteration like "dainty" and "dangle". Very well done.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you Brittany for your kind and encouraging review.
Comment from lyenochka
A beautifully written haibun-style prose+tanka. You made us smell and feel the garden in the prose. And you put the memory in focus and perspective in the tanka.
I am glad you had such good memories with the lily of the valley flowers. They are very poisonous so I probably wouldn't let a child touch them.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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A beautifully written haibun-style prose+tanka. You made us smell and feel the garden in the prose. And you put the memory in focus and perspective in the tanka.
I am glad you had such good memories with the lily of the valley flowers. They are very poisonous so I probably wouldn't let a child touch them.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review. I remember reading that the lily of the valley flowers they are poisonous.
Comment from QC Poet
Interesting submission and great perspective, I am not completely familiar with the structure of the tanka prose so I read the notes and requirements. As far as I Tell every requirement met, Loving the poem contained within it. Good Luck in the contest if entered.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Interesting submission and great perspective, I am not completely familiar with the structure of the tanka prose so I read the notes and requirements. As far as I Tell every requirement met, Loving the poem contained within it. Good Luck in the contest if entered.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review and good luck wishes.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
I don't know this form "Contemporary Tanka Prose" however, i enjoyed the moments with you picking flowers and that last stanza is a stand out. Well done and good luck. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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I don't know this form "Contemporary Tanka Prose" however, i enjoyed the moments with you picking flowers and that last stanza is a stand out. Well done and good luck. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review.
Comment from Sallyo
This is a delightful vignette and accompanying verse. The verse part seems perfect to me, but the prose part, though lovely, has some irregular capitalisation... by my standards, anyway. This is how I would have capped it.
Coffee cup in hand, I enter the garden and pick my first bouquet of lovely lily-of-the-valley (You don't cap pansy or bluebell, so you don;t cap lily-of-the-valley). The white bell-shaped flowers hang from their tiny stems. Their sweet fragrance transports me back to Momma's (It seems "Momma" is a name sub, and so needs a capital) house where they freely grew under her dogwood trees. Each spring (I think the seasons need no caps unless they're being personified), I chose a spray of the delicate flora to carry in my stubby fingers and proudly put in her favorite vase.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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This is a delightful vignette and accompanying verse. The verse part seems perfect to me, but the prose part, though lovely, has some irregular capitalisation... by my standards, anyway. This is how I would have capped it.
Coffee cup in hand, I enter the garden and pick my first bouquet of lovely lily-of-the-valley (You don't cap pansy or bluebell, so you don;t cap lily-of-the-valley). The white bell-shaped flowers hang from their tiny stems. Their sweet fragrance transports me back to Momma's (It seems "Momma" is a name sub, and so needs a capital) house where they freely grew under her dogwood trees. Each spring (I think the seasons need no caps unless they're being personified), I chose a spray of the delicate flora to carry in my stubby fingers and proudly put in her favorite vase.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you for your encouraging review.
Also thank you for your kind suggestions. I agree with your assessment and have made some changes.
thanks again.
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, an "Exceptional" poem, literal and yet truly magical in its articulate expression - beautiful - it required no image to enhance its perfect flow - an image would have been unworthy distraction. Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the contest with this exquisite poem...
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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In my opinion, an "Exceptional" poem, literal and yet truly magical in its articulate expression - beautiful - it required no image to enhance its perfect flow - an image would have been unworthy distraction. Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the contest with this exquisite poem...
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review and for the extra special sixth star.
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You are very welcome indeed, my pleasure...Eve
Comment from karenina
Exemplary offering of this delicate form...always such a balance to match prose to tanka! You've done it as delicately as a treasured bit of lace found tenderly wrapped in grand mom's attic... Poignant. Feather soft.
Heartfelt... Six stars.--Karenina
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Exemplary offering of this delicate form...always such a balance to match prose to tanka! You've done it as delicately as a treasured bit of lace found tenderly wrapped in grand mom's attic... Poignant. Feather soft.
Heartfelt... Six stars.--Karenina
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you karenina for your kind and encouraging review and for the extra special sixth star.
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Smile. Well deserved!--Karenina
Comment from misscookie
I have more stars to give this is the sweetest poem I read today.
Your words were as sweet as apple on a tree and the moved like the bird coming to bath.
I could vision myself at that peaceful setting slipping on tea and enjoying the cool breeze.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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I have more stars to give this is the sweetest poem I read today.
Your words were as sweet as apple on a tree and the moved like the bird coming to bath.
I could vision myself at that peaceful setting slipping on tea and enjoying the cool breeze.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you Cookie for your kind and encouraging review.
Comment from Mastery
Your imagery in this piece is confounding to say the least. The entire poem brings forth my own memories of country mornings so long ago.
Images like this are the mortar for this classy poem:
"dainty petals
dangle in morning mist
suspended
in a time warp
of treasured memories"
Bravo author. : ) Bob
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Your imagery in this piece is confounding to say the least. The entire poem brings forth my own memories of country mornings so long ago.
Images like this are the mortar for this classy poem:
"dainty petals
dangle in morning mist
suspended
in a time warp
of treasured memories"
Bravo author. : ) Bob
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you Bob for your kind and encouraging review. I'm so pleased that you enjoyed this one.
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Great stuff! Bob
Comment from kahpot
Well your words certainly have painted a wonderful and very peaceful picture of the garden and the Robin having its bath, "in a time warp of treasured memories" this is very well written, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Well your words certainly have painted a wonderful and very peaceful picture of the garden and the Robin having its bath, "in a time warp of treasured memories" this is very well written, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 09-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thank you for your kind and encouraging review.
