Monica
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Monica Chapter 5"A woman becomes fixated on Rob
12 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Wow, there are more signs of a disturbed character here, and not just leftover from the first murder. Sounds like Monica is a plotter, planner, and a candidate for psychiatric confinement. There is a definite sense of uneasiness with her thoughts about what to do with Lonnie. I think with the sentence: He was so stupid. - I would change it to "He felt so stupid" and that's all on this chapter I thought would need a little tweak. Otherwise, it feels almost like saying the character was stupid, and after all, he couldn't read minds.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
  |
Wow, there are more signs of a disturbed character here, and not just leftover from the first murder. Sounds like Monica is a plotter, planner, and a candidate for psychiatric confinement. There is a definite sense of uneasiness with her thoughts about what to do with Lonnie. I think with the sentence: He was so stupid. - I would change it to "He felt so stupid" and that's all on this chapter I thought would need a little tweak. Otherwise, it feels almost like saying the character was stupid, and after all, he couldn't read minds.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
-
Yes a most disturbed character. Most frightening. ={ I had a person somewhat like this as a sister in law. She never killed anyone that I know of, but I worried about it all the time. She was nuts. Thank you dear.
Comment from the13thpoet
Dum Dum Dum another one bites the dust.......I guess poor Lonnie is the next one to get lead to the slaughter. I just hope that Sarah or Rob doesn't get hurt by this twister psycho killer living in your head. Good job!
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
|
Dum Dum Dum another one bites the dust.......I guess poor Lonnie is the next one to get lead to the slaughter. I just hope that Sarah or Rob doesn't get hurt by this twister psycho killer living in your head. Good job!
Comment Written 16-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
-
I'm glad you are reading along and enjoying it. I hope it doesn't give you nightmares. As much Dateline and such as I watch I have never had a bad dream about any of this stuff. Thanks so much. rox
Comment from robyn corum
Rox,
Nicely done. You're getting better with every single chapter you write. I can't believe you ever considered letting people bother you. I'm on to the next!
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2019
|
Rox,
Nicely done. You're getting better with every single chapter you write. I can't believe you ever considered letting people bother you. I'm on to the next!
Comment Written 13-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2019
-
Thanks so much for the encouraging words. =}
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Too bad it's a small town, but I'm confident Monica would not leave fingerprints around. She's way too smart! Poor Lonnie! His fate is unfolding, poor man! :(. xoxo
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
|
Too bad it's a small town, but I'm confident Monica would not leave fingerprints around. She's way too smart! Poor Lonnie! His fate is unfolding, poor man! :(. xoxo
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
-
Yep, Poor Lonnie is right. Thanks so much.
-
:) And Big Sky thought they were just a little old town out in nowhere's ville! but here they are staring in a marvelous mystery. :) xoxo
-
Yep, I'm sure if the town knew, it would be so proud. =}
-
LOL!! absolutely! xoxo
Comment from Spitfire
Sounds like a plot for a Lifetime movie.
Paragraph three-- count the number of time you use "was". Aim to rephrase for sentence variety. Let active verbs take over. Ex: One of Rob's best men, well-liked and respected, Martin suffered occasional trouble with the locals. Some of the older ranchers didn't like a black man telling them what to...
"I'm kidding. Kenny's great, wouldn't trade him for Tom Cruise. Brad Pitt, maybe, but not Tom."
Always good to include humor.
Nice cliff-hanger ending.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
|
Sounds like a plot for a Lifetime movie.
Paragraph three-- count the number of time you use "was". Aim to rephrase for sentence variety. Let active verbs take over. Ex: One of Rob's best men, well-liked and respected, Martin suffered occasional trouble with the locals. Some of the older ranchers didn't like a black man telling them what to...
"I'm kidding. Kenny's great, wouldn't trade him for Tom Cruise. Brad Pitt, maybe, but not Tom."
Always good to include humor.
Nice cliff-hanger ending.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
-
thank you dear, I did look at that para and redid it. Thanks so muich. Rox
-
Good for you. That's how you learn.
Comment from Darlene BoClair
As I continue to read, there is more and more excitement.
I like how the character of Monica is being confident, the arrogant an now scary and intimidated. Monica is found to be not afraid to kill and I like her attitude. I like how you introduced new characters Nadine and Sarah.
You have written another great story, that I enjoy reading.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
|
As I continue to read, there is more and more excitement.
I like how the character of Monica is being confident, the arrogant an now scary and intimidated. Monica is found to be not afraid to kill and I like her attitude. I like how you introduced new characters Nadine and Sarah.
You have written another great story, that I enjoy reading.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2019
-
Thank you dear. Rox
Comment from royowen
After dealing with a nutcase like David Lawson, Sarah finds herself dealing with either a ghost, or something worse than that, another nutcase, although there is someone, a narcissist who wants her husband Rob. So she moved things around enough to alarm both Rob and Sarah. Now Monica has someone, Lonnie who she's trying to lure to a place, to kill him, he could be a danger to her plans, well done Rox, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
|
After dealing with a nutcase like David Lawson, Sarah finds herself dealing with either a ghost, or something worse than that, another nutcase, although there is someone, a narcissist who wants her husband Rob. So she moved things around enough to alarm both Rob and Sarah. Now Monica has someone, Lonnie who she's trying to lure to a place, to kill him, he could be a danger to her plans, well done Rox, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
-
She's a bad one. Thank you sir. Rox
-
Well done
Comment from Mistydawn
So now she's after someone else. I hope Lonnie confesses to giving her the key. Lives could be saved if he does. It's well-written, interesting chapter, moves your story right along, nice job.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
|
So now she's after someone else. I hope Lonnie confesses to giving her the key. Lives could be saved if he does. It's well-written, interesting chapter, moves your story right along, nice job.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
-
Someone said my perspective changed too often in the chapter. I'm not sure what that means. I hope it was confusing. Thanks so much dear. Rox
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Poor Lonnie. It's plain to see his days are numbered.
She will have no qualms about doing away with him. She will have an entire day to plan it out so carefully no one will know she was responsible. Well done, Rox. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
|
Poor Lonnie. It's plain to see his days are numbered.
She will have no qualms about doing away with him. She will have an entire day to plan it out so carefully no one will know she was responsible. Well done, Rox. Nancy:)
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
-
Nope, she has no qualms at all. =} She's a bad one. Thank you dear. Rox
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
In this part of the work in progress fiction, Monica experienced something bizarre behaviour of Lonnie; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Keep Writing, Inspiring, Changing
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
|
In this part of the work in progress fiction, Monica experienced something bizarre behaviour of Lonnie; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Keep Writing, Inspiring, Changing
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
-
Thank you sir. Rox
