Monica
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Monica Chapter 4"A woman becomes fixated on Rob
13 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Natural flow of rhythm. I guess since they have dealt with weird situations before, Rob and Sarah know the steps to follow to investigate odd things like objects moved around in their house. When the pair get back from Hawaii, I think I would add one more detail to make the vacation a little more unique. You do a good job with conversation/dialogue.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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Natural flow of rhythm. I guess since they have dealt with weird situations before, Rob and Sarah know the steps to follow to investigate odd things like objects moved around in their house. When the pair get back from Hawaii, I think I would add one more detail to make the vacation a little more unique. You do a good job with conversation/dialogue.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
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Thank you dear.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Roxanna my dear. I have been busy and haven't had a chance to keep up with Monica. This chapter is a great continuation to the story, and I will binge read the rest right now until I catch up.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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Hello Roxanna my dear. I have been busy and haven't had a chance to keep up with Monica. This chapter is a great continuation to the story, and I will binge read the rest right now until I catch up.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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We can't all spend the day reviewing. Some of us have to work. I do wonder about many of the writers on here. There must be a ton of retired people who have tons of time to write and review. I admit I enjoy the writing and read more than the reviewing. I run out of stuff to say. Maybe someone should write a book on what to say in a review. Thanks for following post. Appreciate. Rox
Comment from JudyE
Sorry I've been so long getting back to this. Just a few small pointers. This promises to be a very interesting story.
She replaced the letter and turn on the desktop computer - should be 'turned on'
Another picture of Rob and Sarah sat on the desk and Monica help herself to it as well - should be 'helped herself'
She was getting ready for bed and noticed the missing picture - this should probably be 'noticed the picture missing'
"This isn't funny Rob. - comma after 'funny'
No this doesn't have anything to do with that. This is personal. I'll have things dusted for prints, maybe there's DNA. I'll bring the guys over tomorrow. For now let's go to bed." - commas after 'No' and 'now'
Cheers
Judy
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Sorry I've been so long getting back to this. Just a few small pointers. This promises to be a very interesting story.
She replaced the letter and turn on the desktop computer - should be 'turned on'
Another picture of Rob and Sarah sat on the desk and Monica help herself to it as well - should be 'helped herself'
She was getting ready for bed and noticed the missing picture - this should probably be 'noticed the picture missing'
"This isn't funny Rob. - comma after 'funny'
No this doesn't have anything to do with that. This is personal. I'll have things dusted for prints, maybe there's DNA. I'll bring the guys over tomorrow. For now let's go to bed." - commas after 'No' and 'now'
Cheers
Judy
Comment Written 13-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2019
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Thanks again. =} Rox
Comment from WryWriter
This chapter is excellent! The suspense grips the reader. There is nothing more invasive than to have your personal space invaded and tampered with or to have things taken, especially personal items. It leaves you with an emotional mixture, none of which are good feelings. (Kind of like being under constant surveillance without justification.) You've done a great job with each of these characters bringing them to life for the reader.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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This chapter is excellent! The suspense grips the reader. There is nothing more invasive than to have your personal space invaded and tampered with or to have things taken, especially personal items. It leaves you with an emotional mixture, none of which are good feelings. (Kind of like being under constant surveillance without justification.) You've done a great job with each of these characters bringing them to life for the reader.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Thank you so much. I concider that a huge compliment coming from a writer such as yourself. Thank you too for the 6 stars. I'm honored.
Comment from Sally Law
This had more horror than the previous chapter, more reminiscent of Fatal Attraction type movies. You presented this well and described the thoughts and actions of the psychopathic Monica in a realistic light. My husband's major was in psychology and I remembered typing his essay on "psychopathic behavior." Well done, dear Rox.
Sending you my best today as well,
Sal xo
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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This had more horror than the previous chapter, more reminiscent of Fatal Attraction type movies. You presented this well and described the thoughts and actions of the psychopathic Monica in a realistic light. My husband's major was in psychology and I remembered typing his essay on "psychopathic behavior." Well done, dear Rox.
Sending you my best today as well,
Sal xo
Comment Written 06-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Psychopaths are just so fun to write. I get to live out my alter ego this way. Just kidding, I think. Thank you so much for the great review. Very encouraging, appreciate it so much. Rox
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Interesting that Monica wanted ti sneak in yet she did everything possible to make sure her actions were noticed. Now she has alerted them to be in guard. The last thing I'd want to do as a stalker is show proof of stalking, intelligence gone overboard. Poor Sarah, I feel her when she says - not again!! Thanks again for another awesome chapter! xoxo
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
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Interesting that Monica wanted ti sneak in yet she did everything possible to make sure her actions were noticed. Now she has alerted them to be in guard. The last thing I'd want to do as a stalker is show proof of stalking, intelligence gone overboard. Poor Sarah, I feel her when she says - not again!! Thanks again for another awesome chapter! xoxo
Comment Written 05-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
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Yes, poor Sarah. Thanks so much dear, and for the 6 stars.
Comment from Darlene BoClair
I continue to read your story. Monica, is weird. I like the character of Monica you write about. Sarah is strong. Rob seems nonchalant.
It's criminal like in many neighborhoods for someone to invade your home.
I hope Sarah or Rob accidentally shot someone from the guns in the bedroom. I am still excited to read the next chapter.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
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I continue to read your story. Monica, is weird. I like the character of Monica you write about. Sarah is strong. Rob seems nonchalant.
It's criminal like in many neighborhoods for someone to invade your home.
I hope Sarah or Rob accidentally shot someone from the guns in the bedroom. I am still excited to read the next chapter.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
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Yes, Monica is a strange one. Thank you dear.
Comment from Mistydawn
Poor Sarah, having to live through the nightmare again. Hopefully, the fingerprints will show something. Rearranging their stuff could make someone think they're going nuts. It would me. The story is well-written, very interesting. Gives us a little backstory, a look into Monica's deranged mind, nicely done.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
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Poor Sarah, having to live through the nightmare again. Hopefully, the fingerprints will show something. Rearranging their stuff could make someone think they're going nuts. It would me. The story is well-written, very interesting. Gives us a little backstory, a look into Monica's deranged mind, nicely done.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
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Yes poor Sarah. She seems to attract strange people. Thanks so much dear.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I don't blame Sarah for being upset. She just got rid of one stalker. Maybe it's something in the water? LOL I doubt they will find anything for a while but most criminals get over confident as time after time they get away with their deeds. Well done, Rox. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
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I don't blame Sarah for being upset. She just got rid of one stalker. Maybe it's something in the water? LOL I doubt they will find anything for a while but most criminals get over confident as time after time they get away with their deeds. Well done, Rox. Nancy:)
Comment Written 05-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
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Yes, Sarah seems to attract stalkers, bummer. =} Thank you dear.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Story is getting more interesting, if not chivalric, or truly righteous from the point of view of religion, her act is appreciably exposed; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Keep Writing, Inspiring, Changing
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
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Story is getting more interesting, if not chivalric, or truly righteous from the point of view of religion, her act is appreciably exposed; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Keep Writing, Inspiring, Changing
Comment Written 05-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
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Thank you sir.
