-Ethereal Pleasure-
Free verse...5 total reviews
Comment from Nike23
Nice tribute to someone who you truly loved. I like the word choice in such a short poem. I like the line " This affinity has shimmered,". It is a strong line.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
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Nice tribute to someone who you truly loved. I like the word choice in such a short poem. I like the line " This affinity has shimmered,". It is a strong line.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
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Thank you ever so kindly for this positive review. Many blessings my friend.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You are such a romantic and these words are soothing and pleasing, as always you touch my heart with your words, a pleasure to read, best wishes, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
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You are such a romantic and these words are soothing and pleasing, as always you touch my heart with your words, a pleasure to read, best wishes, love Dolly x
Comment Written 05-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
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I am pleased to hear your liking towards my writing. Many blessings, friend.
Comment from rama devi
Second review
Much improved!
First review (FOUR stars)
Lovely gentle overtones. Very fine phrasing phonics I especially applaud the medley of S, M, R, L, F and P sounds.
My main critique pertains to format. You've written this like prose. It would be so much more impacting if you sculpt the flow and pauses in cadence withe stanzas and line breaks so it looks more like poetry and reads more artistically. Example:
As the soft gentle dream
pours ethereal pleasure
upon the kindred spirit,
I form the radical feeling of grace
permeating any form of darkness,
and we wake.
This affinity has shimmered,
and your vibrance captured my heart.
I love you.
Another nit is the sudden shift in tenses. The first part is in present tense, and so is the last line. So why this shift here?
This affinity has shimmered,
and your vibrance captured my heart.
Suggest:
This affinity now shimmers,
and your vibrance captures my heart.
One last thing: I recommend using VIBRANCY instead of VIBRANCE
I'd be happy to re-review and re-rate accordingly if you make any revisions. Just let me know.
Lovely sentiment, expressed with delicious delicacy.
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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Second review
Much improved!
First review (FOUR stars)
Lovely gentle overtones. Very fine phrasing phonics I especially applaud the medley of S, M, R, L, F and P sounds.
My main critique pertains to format. You've written this like prose. It would be so much more impacting if you sculpt the flow and pauses in cadence withe stanzas and line breaks so it looks more like poetry and reads more artistically. Example:
As the soft gentle dream
pours ethereal pleasure
upon the kindred spirit,
I form the radical feeling of grace
permeating any form of darkness,
and we wake.
This affinity has shimmered,
and your vibrance captured my heart.
I love you.
Another nit is the sudden shift in tenses. The first part is in present tense, and so is the last line. So why this shift here?
This affinity has shimmered,
and your vibrance captured my heart.
Suggest:
This affinity now shimmers,
and your vibrance captures my heart.
One last thing: I recommend using VIBRANCY instead of VIBRANCE
I'd be happy to re-review and re-rate accordingly if you make any revisions. Just let me know.
Lovely sentiment, expressed with delicious delicacy.
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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Thank you ever so kindly for the warm review. Very interesting points of view, I have touched it up, thank you friend.
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Sure. Happy to help. I will re-review in a moment... Warmly, rd
Comment from N. Rabwar
This poem is a powerful tribute to love and your beloved, Christiana. I found the combination "radical grace" both interesting and puzzling. Can grace be radical? Overall it is a well crafted poem.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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This poem is a powerful tribute to love and your beloved, Christiana. I found the combination "radical grace" both interesting and puzzling. Can grace be radical? Overall it is a well crafted poem.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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I would like you to answer that, thanks for the great review, friend.
Comment from LeftHandedScribe
Simple yet lovely tribute to someone who obviously meant a great deal to you. Language reveals a nice journey even in these few very choice and meaningful words.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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Simple yet lovely tribute to someone who obviously meant a great deal to you. Language reveals a nice journey even in these few very choice and meaningful words.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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It is such a wonderful journey, with my beloved fiance. Thank you for the review.
