Eric's Epic Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Eric Tries To Be Friends"Another adventure for Eric
32 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
A right hullabaloo! I love it! This is turning into a classic combination of B movie western and science fiction. LOL I feel for those poor Indians, even more discountenanced than Mr. Thomas. I hope Herbie's able to deflect the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune from him, as well. An enthralling tale! All the best, Tony
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
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A right hullabaloo! I love it! This is turning into a classic combination of B movie western and science fiction. LOL I feel for those poor Indians, even more discountenanced than Mr. Thomas. I hope Herbie's able to deflect the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune from him, as well. An enthralling tale! All the best, Tony
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
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I love adding fun words that will make it sound better for kids. Those poor Indians aren't going to know their heads from their toes soon, lol. Thank you so much for the lovely review, my friend, and the shining 6 stars! I'm delighted you are enjoying this story. Have a lovely day! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from juliaSjames
Wow things are heating up. Herbie certainly stirred up the Indians. I like the way you keep reassuring readers that Eric can't be hurt. But what if Herbie malfunctions?
And is Ellie May safe?
Didn't notice any major spag. Only the following hiccup:
" giving Eric and Thomas a wary look at the same time.". " wary looks" as this refers to the mothers.
This chapter flowed beautifully. Eric's little boy thoughts are a wonderful device for involving your young readership in the story.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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Wow things are heating up. Herbie certainly stirred up the Indians. I like the way you keep reassuring readers that Eric can't be hurt. But what if Herbie malfunctions?
And is Ellie May safe?
Didn't notice any major spag. Only the following hiccup:
" giving Eric and Thomas a wary look at the same time.". " wary looks" as this refers to the mothers.
This chapter flowed beautifully. Eric's little boy thoughts are a wonderful device for involving your young readership in the story.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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Thank you so much for this really lovely review, Julia, and for pointing out my mistake. I've corrected that now, and I do really appreciate your telling me. Is Ellie May safe? We should find out very soon. Big hugs my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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:-))
Comment from Lance S. Loria
Time to get Ellie Mae and go!
4th para begins Eric watched... next to last sentence typo. "No one took their eyes OF (should be Off).
Another enjoyable read!
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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Time to get Ellie Mae and go!
4th para begins Eric watched... next to last sentence typo. "No one took their eyes OF (should be Off).
Another enjoyable read!
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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Thank you so very much for pointing that missing 'f'. I've changed it into 'off' now. A bit thank you for the lovely review, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This certainly leaves the reader hanging in midair LOL! It is well written and flows fluidly from start to finish. You have a small typo:
"None took their eyes of the strange pair they saw in front of them." - should be 'took their eyes off of'.
Poor guy should have known that the laser beam would be viewed as a sign of aggression. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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This certainly leaves the reader hanging in midair LOL! It is well written and flows fluidly from start to finish. You have a small typo:
"None took their eyes of the strange pair they saw in front of them." - should be 'took their eyes off of'.
Poor guy should have known that the laser beam would be viewed as a sign of aggression. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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Thank you so much for spotting that missing 'off', Mystic Angel, I've made the correction now. It's so nice of you to take the time to point it out and I do appreciate it a lot. Thank you! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This chapter flows well, Sandra. I enjoyed reading it. I like the dialogue and the descriptive way you described the events. It all fits nicely. I'm not sure about teepees and wigwams, but I believe the wigwams were mostly in the East USA. Thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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This chapter flows well, Sandra. I enjoyed reading it. I like the dialogue and the descriptive way you described the events. It all fits nicely. I'm not sure about teepees and wigwams, but I believe the wigwams were mostly in the East USA. Thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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Thank you so much, Jan, for another of your lovely reviews. As for the wigwams and teepees, the teepees can be taken up and carried when the Indians moved on. The wigwams were more of a permanent structure. I'm certainly learning a lot with this story! Thanks again, my friend, for your continued support. I really appreciate you. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Scanning his brain didn't have a good turn out. I am hoping Herbie will be able to save the day. I am sure he can. I really enjoy reading this story. I am sure Ellie May is okay, but it would be nice to KNOW that. LOL
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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Scanning his brain didn't have a good turn out. I am hoping Herbie will be able to save the day. I am sure he can. I really enjoy reading this story. I am sure Ellie May is okay, but it would be nice to KNOW that. LOL
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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No, it didn't. LOL. Yes, it is about time that Ellie May is brought our of hiding. I'm sure it will happen soon. I'll give Herbie a nudge! Thank you so much for the lovely six stars, Barbara, and another of your lovely reviews. I really appreciate you. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Pantygynt
But for the promise that they are safe I would be seriously worried for them all. I wondered if it would be a help to describe exactly what the Indians saw.
I checked with Google and found everything you would wish to know about Indian accommodation, including pictures at:
http://www.native-languages.org/houses.htm
Go and have a look. It is very interesting.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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But for the promise that they are safe I would be seriously worried for them all. I wondered if it would be a help to describe exactly what the Indians saw.
I checked with Google and found everything you would wish to know about Indian accommodation, including pictures at:
http://www.native-languages.org/houses.htm
Go and have a look. It is very interesting.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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That's a good idea. I think I'll do that now and add it in. Thank you for checking that out for me, Jim. I'll go and have a look at that. Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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Let me know how it helped if it did. I am not sure what type of Indians the Arapaho were I'm afraid.
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I will. I've also changed the beginning when the Indians are confused. I'll add more once Herbie and done his mind-reading bit ... if he's still in one piece!! Thanks for that input, Jim. That was really helpful. xxx
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This is a lot more self explanatory now. Those Indians need to have their confidence restored. They are at their most dangerous when they are frightened.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Sandra, this is just fantastic. Everything was going better than they could hope for, but now Herbie has taken things into his own hands. Oh dear, what now? I only found two minor things.
as he told the rest the tribe who this white man was. = as he told the rest of the tribe ---
As these thoughts when through their minds,= As these thoughts went through their minds,
This is a wonderful story. A hug. Ulla xxx
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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Hi Sandra, this is just fantastic. Everything was going better than they could hope for, but now Herbie has taken things into his own hands. Oh dear, what now? I only found two minor things.
as he told the rest the tribe who this white man was. = as he told the rest of the tribe ---
As these thoughts when through their minds,= As these thoughts went through their minds,
This is a wonderful story. A hug. Ulla xxx
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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Thank you so much for finding those errors, Ulla, I'm, always missing something. I've made the corrections now. Thank you big time for the six, dear friend and the lovely review. Now Herbie is inside the Chief's head, it's going to be fun for the next part. Big hugs, my friend. ;)) Sandra xxxx
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You so deserve it. xxx
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Oh My! I hope Herbie is indestructible. I have no idea about the difference in Wigwams and Teepees. Maybe the difference in east and west Indians in the us. The Indians with Tee Pees were nomadic and moved from place to place with the buffalo and wigwams were your standard structure made to stay put and provide shelter. I hope that helps. Maybe there are those smarter than I am. Well done Sandra. Good imagery. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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Oh My! I hope Herbie is indestructible. I have no idea about the difference in Wigwams and Teepees. Maybe the difference in east and west Indians in the us. The Indians with Tee Pees were nomadic and moved from place to place with the buffalo and wigwams were your standard structure made to stay put and provide shelter. I hope that helps. Maybe there are those smarter than I am. Well done Sandra. Good imagery. Nancy:)
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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Thank you so much for all those lovely stars, Nancy and the wonderful review. I've found out that teepees can be taken down and taken with the tribe when they move on, and the other is what you've said, it stays put. I didn't realise the Indians made two kinds of homes. I'm learning a lot with this story. Thanks again, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from giraffmang
Yeah, now that's what I'm talking about... full on Indian carnage, blood, death... no hang on, I'm not writing this...
The Men seized their bows and tomahawks,- don't think you need to capitalise 'men' here.
There was nothing magical about this white man. - would they really have thought this given that he'd just materialised out of nowhere in front of them?
That's got to be war paint! Crikey, you can't have a war when there are only two of us against that lot! That's a bit unfair - should this be in italics for Eric's direct thought?
the cowboy holds one of his hand up, - hands.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
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Yeah, now that's what I'm talking about... full on Indian carnage, blood, death... no hang on, I'm not writing this...
The Men seized their bows and tomahawks,- don't think you need to capitalise 'men' here.
There was nothing magical about this white man. - would they really have thought this given that he'd just materialised out of nowhere in front of them?
That's got to be war paint! Crikey, you can't have a war when there are only two of us against that lot! That's a bit unfair - should this be in italics for Eric's direct thought?
the cowboy holds one of his hand up, - hands.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2019
Blood and death? LOL! Yes, Eric is going to be scalped and Herbie will be taken and stuck on the totem pole! LOL!!
Thank you, Gareth, for finding those big nits! I've made a few changes, especially at the beginning. They aren't sure if what they saw, happened. I should have thought of that to start with. I've changed a couple of other things too. Fortunately, I have all of you to find these things out before I finish the final draft. You don't know how much I appreciate your input. Thanks, my friend. :) Sandra xx
