A Dog And Cat Fight
A fight between a cat and dog.26 total reviews
Comment from Eve Vasa
Hi, good luck in the competition. I am not a fan of flash fiction as it does not usually follow the structure of a good story. The call to adventure, reluctance to accept the calling, then the event that makes them take the calling and the problems occurring to accomplish it and bring the story to resolution. And outside of Fanstory this would not have a lot of appeal. But I will help to make this a better story as there are a few errors.
The owner puts a tray of food on the floor for his cat and dog. Both pets fight over it. The dog chases the cat (all-unnecessary word) around the home breaking things. The owner can't stand it.
(He - he/she is the cats mother, lol,) tries to calm them down. The dog (tries to- he either bites her or he doesn't) tries to bite (at-superfluous word) her, but the cat runs away (fast-running means we assume it's 'fast'). The owner takes their food away (from them-the reader already assumes it is taken from the cat and dog) (and-add), both pets stop fighting. Did either pets really learn(ed- pick a tense and stick to it) their lesson?
So the story could read:
The owner of a cat and dog puts a bowl of food on the floor but both pets fight over it. The dog chases the cat around the house and breaks things. The owner can't stand it and calms them down. The dog bites her and the cat runs away, but they stop fighting. Did either pet learn their lesson?
You may want to rethink the title, also. What about: A Cat and Dog Fight.
Hope that helps and it will probably come under the word limit now, so you can add something that makes it more interesting as it is rather rudimentary at the moment, and would fail to hold some peoples' attention.
Thanks for sharing your writing, Eve.
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reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
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Hi, good luck in the competition. I am not a fan of flash fiction as it does not usually follow the structure of a good story. The call to adventure, reluctance to accept the calling, then the event that makes them take the calling and the problems occurring to accomplish it and bring the story to resolution. And outside of Fanstory this would not have a lot of appeal. But I will help to make this a better story as there are a few errors.
The owner puts a tray of food on the floor for his cat and dog. Both pets fight over it. The dog chases the cat (all-unnecessary word) around the home breaking things. The owner can't stand it.
(He - he/she is the cats mother, lol,) tries to calm them down. The dog (tries to- he either bites her or he doesn't) tries to bite (at-superfluous word) her, but the cat runs away (fast-running means we assume it's 'fast'). The owner takes their food away (from them-the reader already assumes it is taken from the cat and dog) (and-add), both pets stop fighting. Did either pets really learn(ed- pick a tense and stick to it) their lesson?
So the story could read:
The owner of a cat and dog puts a bowl of food on the floor but both pets fight over it. The dog chases the cat around the house and breaks things. The owner can't stand it and calms them down. The dog bites her and the cat runs away, but they stop fighting. Did either pet learn their lesson?
You may want to rethink the title, also. What about: A Cat and Dog Fight.
Hope that helps and it will probably come under the word limit now, so you can add something that makes it more interesting as it is rather rudimentary at the moment, and would fail to hold some peoples' attention.
Thanks for sharing your writing, Eve.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
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Did either pet really learned their lesson?
That's your final sentence, but it should read:
Did either pet learn their lesson? (learned is grammatically incorrect. And 'ly words' like 'really', should be deleted. :) Enjoy your writing and have a great day.
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Thank you.
Comment from Mia Twysted
As an owner of both dogs and cats, this is hitting home with me. I can't say how many times I have had to do the same thing. Pets are funny that way.
I would like to point out your last line: Did either pets really learned their lesson?
Should the word "pets" not be "pet"
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
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As an owner of both dogs and cats, this is hitting home with me. I can't say how many times I have had to do the same thing. Pets are funny that way.
I would like to point out your last line: Did either pets really learned their lesson?
Should the word "pets" not be "pet"
Comment Written 31-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I like this story because it seems to involve psychology. They say people cannot progress intellectually to the next level unless their basic needs are met. If they are always worrying about looking for food, they don't have time to waste in fighting because they need to go to work. So taking food away from pets to let them know they are doing something wrong is like a wake-up call. And it is short, brief, and concise. Ending with a question makes the reader feel like it is a psychology story problem. I would put a comma after "all around the home" and that's it. Nice job.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
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I like this story because it seems to involve psychology. They say people cannot progress intellectually to the next level unless their basic needs are met. If they are always worrying about looking for food, they don't have time to waste in fighting because they need to go to work. So taking food away from pets to let them know they are doing something wrong is like a wake-up call. And it is short, brief, and concise. Ending with a question makes the reader feel like it is a psychology story problem. I would put a comma after "all around the home" and that's it. Nice job.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Cindy Warren
I don't think the pets need to learn a lesson. They're just being animals. It's the owner who has something to learn. He can't expect a cat and dog to share a tray of food. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
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I don't think the pets need to learn a lesson. They're just being animals. It's the owner who has something to learn. He can't expect a cat and dog to share a tray of food. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it! The last line was just to be humorous.
Comment from rspoet
You've written a good story and entry for the contest
I doubt they learned a learned,
maybe the owner should have separate bowls with different food. :)
The last line is a bit awkward:
"Did both pets have learned their lesson?"
Good luck in the contest
Robert
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
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You've written a good story and entry for the contest
I doubt they learned a learned,
maybe the owner should have separate bowls with different food. :)
The last line is a bit awkward:
"Did both pets have learned their lesson?"
Good luck in the contest
Robert
Comment Written 31-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from judester
I can just imagine the scene you have described. The last line is awkward. I think maybe, did either pet learn their lesson? Or, did the pets learn their lesson? Good luck in the contest, cheers, judester
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reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
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I can just imagine the scene you have described. The last line is awkward. I think maybe, did either pet learn their lesson? Or, did the pets learn their lesson? Good luck in the contest, cheers, judester
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2019
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
