Streak of Light
100 word story11 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about the streak of light that seems to end an abandoned child's loneliness for nineteen years with the smell of gasoline but it seems her lonelines will continue.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
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A very well-written poem about the streak of light that seems to end an abandoned child's loneliness for nineteen years with the smell of gasoline but it seems her lonelines will continue.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
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Thanks for reading zanya
Comment from Gail Denham
This sounds like the beginning of an adventure for sure. Perhaps it is. What is grandpa's medal doing in her boot? so much more to this story. good job.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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This sounds like the beginning of an adventure for sure. Perhaps it is. What is grandpa's medal doing in her boot? so much more to this story. good job.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Thanks for those words of encouragement zanya
Comment from Rikki66
Anya, is in a pickle with smugglers and with no communications she can only hope for the best and pray that her father made the right decision.
Rikki:)
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Anya, is in a pickle with smugglers and with no communications she can only hope for the best and pray that her father made the right decision.
Rikki:)
Comment Written 01-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Thanks for reading zanya
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You're welcome
Comment from Bill Schott
This one-hundred-word story, Streak of Light, has the correct word count and uses the assigned words. The plight of young children sent to migrate alone will not be fully known until we sift through these perilous times in a settled future.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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This one-hundred-word story, Streak of Light, has the correct word count and uses the assigned words. The plight of young children sent to migrate alone will not be fully known until we sift through these perilous times in a settled future.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
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Yes - strange times we live in -thanks for reading zanya
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
This post was a step above and beyond the others I've read in the contest. It is highly intriguing and really different. I didn't understand who Asa was - and why she was important to the story, though...
Thanks and good luck!
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Dear Mystery Writer,
This post was a step above and beyond the others I've read in the contest. It is highly intriguing and really different. I didn't understand who Asa was - and why she was important to the story, though...
Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 31-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Thanks for reading zanya
Comment from Mia Twysted
I had to read this more than once to finally understand what was going on. Are there three people in this story besides grandma. I see "Ava", "Anya", and "Nasha."
I thought Ava and Anya were one person and that maybe there had been a misspelling. Then upon reading it again it seemed like there were two different people.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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I had to read this more than once to finally understand what was going on. Are there three people in this story besides grandma. I see "Ava", "Anya", and "Nasha."
I thought Ava and Anya were one person and that maybe there had been a misspelling. Then upon reading it again it seemed like there were two different people.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Thanks for reading zanya
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
None can down grandma and her pride, maybe now she is in problem and appears somewhat silly but she never fails to torch her light; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Write-Inspire --DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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None can down grandma and her pride, maybe now she is in problem and appears somewhat silly but she never fails to torch her light; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Write-Inspire --DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 31-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Thanks for reading zanya
Comment from royowen
You've done extremely good job with this. There's a whole novel here. A very good entry in this 100 word contest. Anya will probably kill Nasha if she ever escapes she will probably kill Nasha. Well done, good job, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
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You've done extremely good job with this. There's a whole novel here. A very good entry in this 100 word contest. Anya will probably kill Nasha if she ever escapes she will probably kill Nasha. Well done, good job, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 30-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
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Great review zanya
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Welcimeb
Comment from Alex Rosel
It took two rereads before I think I understood what this story was about. Perhaps that's just me being slow (I'm notorious for that). If this was mine, I'd try and make it more straightforward.
I think the reason why I struggled with the meaning was because you introduce so many different people. Anya, Grandma, Nasha, Aya, father, and mother -- I think it's all a bit overwhelming for such a short piece. If Nasha, and Father are the same person, then I'd definitely only refer to them with as Father. Similarly with Aya and Mother.
Here are a few other points you might like to consider:
Her father Nasha's shirt would be damp with tears for her dear departed mother, Aya. -- I found this confusing. Who is the "her" here: Her father Nasha's shirt? Anya? Granndma?
Similarly, who is the "her" here: for her dear departed mother, Aya?
I think it's not helped by the fact that you refer to a "father" and a "mother" in this paragraph as well.
Grandma's holy medal felt like a rock inside her boot. -- I like this. It shows the importance of Grandma and her closeness to Anya :)
Good luck with the competition :)
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
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It took two rereads before I think I understood what this story was about. Perhaps that's just me being slow (I'm notorious for that). If this was mine, I'd try and make it more straightforward.
I think the reason why I struggled with the meaning was because you introduce so many different people. Anya, Grandma, Nasha, Aya, father, and mother -- I think it's all a bit overwhelming for such a short piece. If Nasha, and Father are the same person, then I'd definitely only refer to them with as Father. Similarly with Aya and Mother.
Here are a few other points you might like to consider:
Her father Nasha's shirt would be damp with tears for her dear departed mother, Aya. -- I found this confusing. Who is the "her" here: Her father Nasha's shirt? Anya? Granndma?
Similarly, who is the "her" here: for her dear departed mother, Aya?
I think it's not helped by the fact that you refer to a "father" and a "mother" in this paragraph as well.
Grandma's holy medal felt like a rock inside her boot. -- I like this. It shows the importance of Grandma and her closeness to Anya :)
Good luck with the competition :)
Comment Written 30-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
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I really appreciate your useful comments for this little story- zanya
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
This is quite the intriguing 100 word story. In fact, it is so
intriguing, it literally begs for you to embellish it to something
more. I really would like to see what you would do with this.
thanks for sharing
good luck in the contest
jan
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
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This is quite the intriguing 100 word story. In fact, it is so
intriguing, it literally begs for you to embellish it to something
more. I really would like to see what you would do with this.
thanks for sharing
good luck in the contest
jan
Comment Written 29-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
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A-h-h thanks for that suggestion zanya
