Valley of the Kings
A Tanka Prose entry8 total reviews
Comment from Janet Foor
You painted a lovely picture with your descriptive words in the contemporary tanka prose. I've never been to Hawaii but your poem is so inviting that I know I too would love the experience.
Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2019
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You painted a lovely picture with your descriptive words in the contemporary tanka prose. I've never been to Hawaii but your poem is so inviting that I know I too would love the experience.
Well done.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging review. Hawaii is definitely worth a visit!
Comment from Janice Canerdy
I enjoyed this piece, which offers the reader the best of both prose and poetry. Your descriptions are vivid and beautiful--persuasive, making me want to go there too. And yes, I would be reluctant to leave too.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2019
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I enjoyed this piece, which offers the reader the best of both prose and poetry. Your descriptions are vivid and beautiful--persuasive, making me want to go there too. And yes, I would be reluctant to leave too.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2019
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So glad you enjoyed this piece! It was a bit of a challenge, but fun to write.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job, Mystery Author, with your contest entry. I enjoyed reading it. Your tanka in all verses are descriptive with great imagery. I could envision all of the 'things' you wrote about. The prose section offers some great factual and informative information. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Jan
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2019
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You did a great job, Mystery Author, with your contest entry. I enjoyed reading it. Your tanka in all verses are descriptive with great imagery. I could envision all of the 'things' you wrote about. The prose section offers some great factual and informative information. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Jan
Comment Written 29-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much for your encouraging feedback!
Comment from Janetsue
This is a beautiful entry. I especially enjoyed reading the third prose paragraph because it brought back some wonderful memories. (My Air Force family was stationed in Puerto Rico long ago, and I was able to get my first horse. We took trail rides to the beach and harvested wild coconuts, and also ate guavas from along the route.) Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2019
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This is a beautiful entry. I especially enjoyed reading the third prose paragraph because it brought back some wonderful memories. (My Air Force family was stationed in Puerto Rico long ago, and I was able to get my first horse. We took trail rides to the beach and harvested wild coconuts, and also ate guavas from along the route.) Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 29-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much for your encouraging feedback!
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I really love your posting. :-)
Comment from JLR
Anyone who has had the opportunity to visit each of the islands of Hawaii would immediately dive into your wonderfully crafted contemporary Tanka prose. You are a gifted writer and I am grateful that you share your craft so Others might become students.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2019
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Anyone who has had the opportunity to visit each of the islands of Hawaii would immediately dive into your wonderfully crafted contemporary Tanka prose. You are a gifted writer and I am grateful that you share your craft so Others might become students.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind comments - we all learn from one another on this site. I appreciate your taking the time to drop by to read and review.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is a very well done tanka prose, my friend. My only suggestion is to change this line: songs of joy
honey-creepers savor
sweetness of fruits and flowers
songs of joy
fish mate in running river
afternoon delight
This line does not really relate to the rest of the tanka as it speaks of song and the images are visual and/or possibly taste since you speak of fruit and fish. The other tank are extremely well done. Best wishes in the contest, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2019
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This is a very well done tanka prose, my friend. My only suggestion is to change this line: songs of joy
honey-creepers savor
sweetness of fruits and flowers
songs of joy
fish mate in running river
afternoon delight
This line does not really relate to the rest of the tanka as it speaks of song and the images are visual and/or possibly taste since you speak of fruit and fish. The other tank are extremely well done. Best wishes in the contest, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 29-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2019
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Thank you for dropping by to read and share your insights! I did revise the line you referred to. It flows much better now. I appreciate the honest review.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks memories of a tale about poet's trip to the big Island of Hawaii, the waterfall, the Garden of Eden, Home to Hawaii's King Kamehameha the Great, Waipio's Valley's verdant beauty, crystal water and more that cleansed poet's soul; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Write-Inspire --DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2019
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This speaks memories of a tale about poet's trip to the big Island of Hawaii, the waterfall, the Garden of Eden, Home to Hawaii's King Kamehameha the Great, Waipio's Valley's verdant beauty, crystal water and more that cleansed poet's soul; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Write-Inspire --DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 29-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from Randa Dayle
Clever! Clever! Clever! The subject matter is so interesting, and you put a nice beat to your poem. Good luck in the contest, and keep on writing well!
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019
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Clever! Clever! Clever! The subject matter is so interesting, and you put a nice beat to your poem. Good luck in the contest, and keep on writing well!
Comment Written 28-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review!
