Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

Good comparison Craig and well done in this Tanka form between the meteorological forms and the storms of our own makings.
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2019

Thanks very much, Valda. Most grateful -- Craig

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

Excellent. Your ending line carries a wallop. Best to pay attention to those tempests of our own making. Well illustrated. Best of luck in the contest. Marilyn

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2019

Thanks very much for the kind comments, Marilyn. That type of storm seems much easier to come by in these parts. (That's a comment on the weather, more than people). Cheers, Craig

Comment from catch22

Excellent

Hi Craig, I really like the parallel between a literal storm and the dramatic storms we create through conflict and misunderstandings. I thought the word economy was excellent and you seemed to adhere to the spirit of the form. Excellent write.

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019

Thanks for the kind words, Pam. Your encouraging comments are appreciated, as always. Craig

Comment from Debbie Pope

Exceptional

This is a good tanka, Craig. You carry your meteorology theme throughout each line. Each line has a weather reference. And, your word choices are so intelligent. I particularly like wreaking havoc and tempests. Your excellent turning line separates meteorological damage from self-imposed storm damage. That is an interesting way to divide a tanka. This is just well composed, and it breaks no tanka rules that I am aware of.
I hope you win.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019

Thanks, Debbie, for the lovely comments and the generous rating. There are a great many terrific tankas between me and the prize. One in particular stands out above the others :)

Cheers, Craig

reply by Debbie Pope on 27-Jul-2019

If you are kindly speaking of mine, too many reviewers have told me that I broke every tanka rule in the book. I hope I get judges ignorant of all rules. You think that could happen?:)

reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019

LOL judges ignorant of the rules? Not a chance! ;-)

I think often people simply don't realise there is any possible way to do something other than what they've been told. I also think sometimes (though certainly not always) people who make criticisms might have ulterior motives.

One thing I do believe is that if you ask five "experts" about some particular form of poetry, you'll get six different opinions :)

I wouldn't change a thing with yours. As always, we are in the lap of the gods, but yours is wonderful.

reply by Debbie Pope on 28-Jul-2019

Being in the lap of the gods should make me feel warm and fuzzy. Funny that it doesn?t.

Comment from --Turtle.

Excellent

Hi, Craig,

Got to read this poem on a quiet Saturday, enjoyed...

Thunderclouds ... one word?

Ah, that was the first starting thought I had as I began this poem, but the theme and presentation, flow and potent final thoughts all worked very nicely, has an evoking tone, that is subtle enough to ease a reader into contemplation and vague enough to be versitle.

Strong descriptive verbs ... gather, permeate, eclipse, generating a physical visual, transferring the chaotic tone from outside to inside for contemplative reflection, if the reader takes that step.

I like how the midway flips from crafting an external threat to marginalizing it by comparison to the metaphysical/ figurative internal threats. I like how you use tempest, as in parallel to the physical storms brought to mind, but also carries a little beyond storms to general chaos.

Nature can do some damage, but man sure puts down any other competion.

I also enjoy that the poem works on big and small comparisons... from the individual human hurricane (with the gloom of how we can be our own worst enemy) to the mass effect of humanity on a bigger scale of upheaval.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019

I'm chuffed you picked up that it applies on both a personal and species-wide level, Turtle.

I seem to have trouble deciding when it's valid to combine two stand alone (or is that stand-alone or standalone?) words into one. Thanks for picking it up. I've changed it, as you suggest.

Exceptionally grateful, as always, although I doubt I'll be permitted to express that gratitude via a reviewer nom.

Cheers,
Craig

Comment from rosehill (Wendy)

Excellent

Very rich in imagery and the art and color choices you made are quite tasty. I nodded at both the message and the deft use of the few syllables allowed. Bravo! - Wendy

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019

Thanks so much for the kind comments, Wendy. Cheers, Craig

Comment from Gert sherwood

Excellent

Hello CD Richards
I found your tanka very good CD Richards.of how a thunder storm and these lines caught my attention that

storms may wreak havoc
though rarely do they eclipse

How nice it would be if the storms didn't cause havoc and I wonder if storms do eclipse.

Gert

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019

I believe they can, but they don't overshadow our own messes :) Thanks so much for the kind words, Gert. Cheers, Craig

reply by Gert sherwood on 27-Jul-2019

Hello CD Richards
You are welcome. I will be looking for more of your writings.

Gert

Comment from damommy

Excellent

Wonderful. I like the alliteration and the assonance throughout the poem. Nature's storms can't outdo what we tribulations we create ourselves. Beautiful presentation. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019

Thanks so much for the kind words, Yvonne. I'm glad you enjoyed -- Craig

Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

I like the simple easy move from nature to human nature in this poem.
Yes the storms humans cause around themselves may cause more damage than most of nature's storms.
Good luck and keep writing
Joan

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019

Thanks so much for the kind comments, Joan. Very much appreciated. Craig

reply by dragonpoet on 27-Jul-2019

Don't mention it.
Joan

Comment from Janice Canerdy

Excellent

All of your syllables are well-used in this great tanka, which aptly
compares storms of nature and those created by humankind, declaring
ours worse! Well done

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019

Thanks so much, Janice. I'm grateful for the kind comments. Craig