When It Comes
Grief comes unexpectedly2 total reviews
Comment from Alex Rosel
I liked this. It's a very effective introspective piece of flash fiction :)
Here are a couple of points you might like to consider:
It could be born in warm sunshine or during blowing storms, -- Just a general point. Personally, I try to avoid the words could, would, and should. Similarly the be word in all its incarnations. They're all indicative of a passive authorial voice, and a passive voice tends to detract from the impact of the prose. In this case, I'd reword this as It is born in warm sunshine or during blowing storms; it means the same and is more direct.
long kept memories, slinking in the depths of cold, cold nights -- Spag? Terminating period missing?
Good luck with the competition :)
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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I liked this. It's a very effective introspective piece of flash fiction :)
Here are a couple of points you might like to consider:
It could be born in warm sunshine or during blowing storms, -- Just a general point. Personally, I try to avoid the words could, would, and should. Similarly the be word in all its incarnations. They're all indicative of a passive authorial voice, and a passive voice tends to detract from the impact of the prose. In this case, I'd reword this as It is born in warm sunshine or during blowing storms; it means the same and is more direct.
long kept memories, slinking in the depths of cold, cold nights -- Spag? Terminating period missing?
Good luck with the competition :)
Comment Written 16-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Thanks for the read. Actually, the word warm is a mistake the piece may not contain any word with an A. I generally agree with should, would, could being weak, but again they do not contain an A.
Comment from kahpot
Excellent when times of grief strike we must be allowed to let our emotions flow, holding them in never amounts to any good, I love the photo for these wonderful words, very well done, and all without an "A" (sounds like my school report card), best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Excellent when times of grief strike we must be allowed to let our emotions flow, holding them in never amounts to any good, I love the photo for these wonderful words, very well done, and all without an "A" (sounds like my school report card), best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 16-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019
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Thanks so much for your read and review. I know what you mean re: report cards.
