Reviews from

Forbidden Love

It was wrong, but...

2 total reviews 
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Makin' love in the hot afternoon. I would ask how she knew this place and how many times she had been there before. Just sayin'. You can't be too careful.

 Comment Written 11-Jul-2019


reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
    Thanks for the read and comment. Right about not being to careful.
Comment from RodG
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Forbidden love. Temptation. Unable to resist one another. Your flash-fiction does indeed have all the elements the prompt asked for. But also a few too many HERs and SHEs. If you could eliminate one or two, this would be a strong entry.

 Comment Written 11-Jul-2019


reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
    Thanks for the tip I have edited.

    I walked Susie to the car. She took my hand and said, ?You know, you really should go home.?

    ?I rather spend time with you.?

    ?You know we can?t,? she said.

    I opened the car door, she slid in and looked up at me. I leaned in and kissed her. Susie slid over and handed me her keys.

    ?Come on,? she said, ?I know a place.?

    We pulled into a secluded parking lot facing a lake. High grass waved like wheat in a farmer?s field.

    She smiled and said, ?Pop the trunk, there's a blanket.?

    We laid down and fit together.
reply by RodG on 11-Jul-2019
    Your changes are subtle, but what a difference they make. For example, giving the woman a name brings her to life for the reade.
    This is definitely worth one more star.
    Rod
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
    Thank you for the help.