Forbidden Love
It was wrong, but...2 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Makin' love in the hot afternoon. I would ask how she knew this place and how many times she had been there before. Just sayin'. You can't be too careful.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
Makin' love in the hot afternoon. I would ask how she knew this place and how many times she had been there before. Just sayin'. You can't be too careful.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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Thanks for the read and comment. Right about not being to careful.
Comment from RodG
Forbidden love. Temptation. Unable to resist one another. Your flash-fiction does indeed have all the elements the prompt asked for. But also a few too many HERs and SHEs. If you could eliminate one or two, this would be a strong entry.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
Forbidden love. Temptation. Unable to resist one another. Your flash-fiction does indeed have all the elements the prompt asked for. But also a few too many HERs and SHEs. If you could eliminate one or two, this would be a strong entry.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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Thanks for the tip I have edited.
I walked Susie to the car. She took my hand and said, ?You know, you really should go home.?
?I rather spend time with you.?
?You know we can?t,? she said.
I opened the car door, she slid in and looked up at me. I leaned in and kissed her. Susie slid over and handed me her keys.
?Come on,? she said, ?I know a place.?
We pulled into a secluded parking lot facing a lake. High grass waved like wheat in a farmer?s field.
She smiled and said, ?Pop the trunk, there's a blanket.?
We laid down and fit together.
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Your changes are subtle, but what a difference they make. For example, giving the woman a name brings her to life for the reade.
This is definitely worth one more star.
Rod
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Thank you for the help.