Lunch With Iris
Sandwiches and Sympathy7 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I enjoyed this piece. The narrator has a good, solid voice which remains constant throughout. A nice character study.
the best deli's in Chicago.- delis is just a plural here so no apostrophe needed.
if I can only holdout until - hold out should probably be two words here.
. "I'm paying for my friends meal, as well." - friend's.
from eating too much, she food poisoning or stomach cancer.
- she has food...
Men who ring your door bell in the middle - doorbell could be a single word here.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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Hi there,
I enjoyed this piece. The narrator has a good, solid voice which remains constant throughout. A nice character study.
the best deli's in Chicago.- delis is just a plural here so no apostrophe needed.
if I can only holdout until - hold out should probably be two words here.
. "I'm paying for my friends meal, as well." - friend's.
from eating too much, she food poisoning or stomach cancer.
- she has food...
Men who ring your door bell in the middle - doorbell could be a single word here.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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Thanks so much for reading, reviewing, and editing. Zee
Comment from kahpot
This is an excellent read, I love the descriptions of the character "Iris" and the bar (Toilet) scene where they met, In the sentence that starts
"Iris never has a cold.) it ends with , She food poisoning or stomach cancer. this does not sound quite right?, all-round very well written****kahpot
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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This is an excellent read, I love the descriptions of the character "Iris" and the bar (Toilet) scene where they met, In the sentence that starts
"Iris never has a cold.) it ends with , She food poisoning or stomach cancer. this does not sound quite right?, all-round very well written****kahpot
Comment Written 11-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read my little story. Zee
Comment from Jerome Goldberg
An engaging story with good use of conversation. Good description of the characters. However, I must admit that I felt cheated at the end. Is there another installment coming?
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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An engaging story with good use of conversation. Good description of the characters. However, I must admit that I felt cheated at the end. Is there another installment coming?
Comment Written 11-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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I?ve written tons of Zee Zee stories. They are more or less a continuation of a character?s life. ?A day in the life...? sort of thing. She is truly the only thing that keep me sane. LOL Thanks for reading and reviewing. Zee
Comment from Mastery
LMAO..You are somethin' else, my friend. Your character analysis of Iris is priceless and the rambling is such effective writing. I love it. It's enough to make me get off my lazy ass and start writing again. (sigh) Good job to say the least, Zee. : ) Your pal, Bob
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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LMAO..You are somethin' else, my friend. Your character analysis of Iris is priceless and the rambling is such effective writing. I love it. It's enough to make me get off my lazy ass and start writing again. (sigh) Good job to say the least, Zee. : ) Your pal, Bob
Comment Written 11-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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Thanks, dear one. Zee
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: ) Bob
Comment from rockmann
I found this slow in the beginning, but as I went along I really got into the story. The use of conversation was excellent, and at the end I longed for more. Much more. Good job, keep writing.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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I found this slow in the beginning, but as I went along I really got into the story. The use of conversation was excellent, and at the end I longed for more. Much more. Good job, keep writing.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my little bit of nonsense. Zee
Comment from Ulla
Hi Zee, as you know I like your stories and your style and this is no exception. It's great. I found one thing.
I might be able to dodge this conversation, if I can only holdout until she starts stuffing her face with food. = ... , if I can only hold out until ...
I also thought the first paragraph stumbled a bit. But maybe it's only me. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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Hi Zee, as you know I like your stories and your style and this is no exception. It's great. I found one thing.
I might be able to dodge this conversation, if I can only holdout until she starts stuffing her face with food. = ... , if I can only hold out until ...
I also thought the first paragraph stumbled a bit. But maybe it's only me. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 11-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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Hello, Ulla. Thanks for reading and reviewing. I always appreciate the help. Zee
Comment from susand3022
Oh, Zee... I can completely empathize with you on this one... I lived upstairs from Virus... Uh... Iris, when I was in college the second time around. (Yeah, I just said that) One minute she was the nice old lady that lived downstairs, a normal person... the next, she'd met this weirdo hypochondriac guy and then was one herself! Had me thinking she was having heart attacks in the middle of the night, calling the ambulance and sitting in the ER half the night, lost her job and her apartment. Then her daughter tells me she'd always been bipolar and that she'd gone off her meds. Maybe Iris needs different meds! LOL
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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Oh, Zee... I can completely empathize with you on this one... I lived upstairs from Virus... Uh... Iris, when I was in college the second time around. (Yeah, I just said that) One minute she was the nice old lady that lived downstairs, a normal person... the next, she'd met this weirdo hypochondriac guy and then was one herself! Had me thinking she was having heart attacks in the middle of the night, calling the ambulance and sitting in the ER half the night, lost her job and her apartment. Then her daughter tells me she'd always been bipolar and that she'd gone off her meds. Maybe Iris needs different meds! LOL
Comment Written 11-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2019
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Poor Iris. (Fictional) I?ve started writing short stories based on interpersonal relationships. Everyday occurrences that show what takes place on (sometimes) a subconscious level. Thanks for reading, GF.
