Comment from Sally Law

Excellent

I had a hard time with this chapter, as this is not you at your best. It needs some improvements and polishing.

You wrote: "Rob walked into Don's hospital room to find two men in suit standing beside his bed."

Try, "...two men dressed in suit(s), standing . . ."

"I didn't want to have to explain." This stumbles grammatically. "I wasn't ready to explain . . ." is clear without stumbling.

Also, try 'continued' with his account, instead of 'narration' of his account. This gives Montag more character.

I would say, 'uniformed officers' instead of 'uniforms." This will help develop them in a more personal way. Describing someone as a nothing more than a uniform removes the human body, character, and spirit.

I hope this helps. I will be back to raise your score when the necessary corrections have been made.
Rooting for you!
Love, Sal
Looks better. You still need one more: uniform(ed) officers or just say: officers. â??Police officers in full dress uniformsâ??works, too. A detective typically wears a suit and â??plainclothes officersâ?? are undercover. :)

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019

Thanks dear, I think I fixed them all. Just one more chapter to post and the end, with one more twist. =}

reply by Sally Law on 17-Jul-2019

I have updated your review.

reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019

Thanks so much, appreciate it. =}

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

Rox,

Good stuff. Tying up all those loose ends and providing nice solutions for those questions a lot of us had. I enjoyed this chapter and just need to get caught up. Thanks!

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 16-Jul-2019

Thanks dear. Rox

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

Well, how about that! He was working with the FBI.
That will be good news to Sarah. It's a relief David
is no longer a problem. This has been an exciting story,
Rox. Another surprise? Bring it! Well done . Nancy:)

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2019

Thank you dear. =} Rox

Comment from Mistydawn

Excellent

That answered all my questions. Well, all but one. Is there a romance brewing? I know, I have to wait and see. The chapter is well-written, very interesting, you wrapped everything up nicely, great job.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2019

You'll just have to stay tuned. =} Thank you. Rox

Comment from Darlene BoClair

Excellent

The good guys of the FBI are at the rescue. This chapter is a surprise. The crime of human trafficking. The long investigation. Eaten by a wolf. Serial killers. All these are truly an element of a crime mystery. Well written with all the twists and turns for an ongoing investigation. I like this story and look forward to the last chapters, expecting more surprises.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2019

Thanks so much! It has been fun writing it and trying create the twists.

Comment from Sheridan1

Excellent

Well written. Economical and still interesting.
Has Sarah rested 5 hours at this point? 'She didn't argue.' might be enough.
A full stop after "Wolves. "What a way to go" gives him some time to digest the news.
"...get better." He said but Don had ....
You have a good handle on this story. I look forward to more.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2019

Thanks so much. I made some changes that I hope help it flow better. Rox

Comment from JudyE

Excellent

This is a first-rate chapter with Russell's part being thoroughly explained. Although the action is mostly over, this still holds the reader's interest.

Just a few suggestions:
He was shooting rubber bullets, I've never seen that before. - period after 'bullets'

The weird thing is he picked up all the shell casing, - should this be 'shell casings'?

"Were checking into that. - replace Were with We're

Rob nodded. "So...with both Matthews and Taylor dead are you out of the FBI?" - comma after 'dead'

Thanks for filling me in, and get better," he told Don, but he had fallen asleep, wore out from all the talking. - 'wore out' sounds like an Americanism and might be acceptable; otherwise 'worn out'

Agents Wilson and Mongag walked Rob out to the parking lot. - should be 'Montag'

Cheers
Judy

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2019

Thanks, I think I made all the corrections. Just 2 more chapters to go. Then I might give you a break. Might. =} I need to work on my card business but writing gets in the blood and is hard to stop, even when you are terrible at punctuation. =}

reply by JudyE on 15-Jul-2019

I'll always look forward to reading your work. And yes, it can be hard to stop writing at times.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Sarah had been right all the time about Rick Taylor and Matthews have been involved in some clandestine activities. Wilson and Montag are FBI agents, find out David was killed by wolves, but the case is not closed, well done Rox, good scribing, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : we(')re checking on that.

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2019

Thank you. Made the correction. I think, better check again. Thanks so much.

reply by royowen on 15-Jul-2019

Welcome

Comment from Diana L Crawford

Excellent

Now it's beginning to make sense as to why Don was acting funny! Sarah will be happy to know that he was not being a jerk on purpose! I really want Sarah to stay on detective duty! And I'll be sad when the story ends. You paint such an awesome story that I feel like I know them and will miss hearing of their adventures! xoxo

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2019

Well if I do a squeal I may have Sarah involve whether she likes it or not. I'll just drag her kicking and screaming. =} Thanks so much.

reply by Diana L Crawford on 15-Jul-2019

Awesome!! I'm sure she will see the wisdom in sticking with it! LOL!