Lightning and Thunder (5-7-5)
summer storm observations and sounds29 total reviews
Comment from LisaMay
Your poem is full of sound and fury, an authentic summary of a summer storm. I like the introduction of rhyme... flashes / clashes. The white cracks make a successful description.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Your poem is full of sound and fury, an authentic summary of a summer storm. I like the introduction of rhyme... flashes / clashes. The white cracks make a successful description.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Pleased you liked this Lisa! I agree with your 'crack' comment (-:
Mark
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Thanks for the review nomination!
Comment from PoemsOfDD
Mark, thunder and lightning and the weather are good topics to write a 5-7-5 on. I did think the double use of the word - the - was using up limited syllables.
As a suggestion, I thought I would throw some food for thought.
bold lightning flashes
pierce with white cracks in night sky
thunder soon clashes
Hope you find my comments helpful. ~DD
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Mark, thunder and lightning and the weather are good topics to write a 5-7-5 on. I did think the double use of the word - the - was using up limited syllables.
As a suggestion, I thought I would throw some food for thought.
bold lightning flashes
pierce with white cracks in night sky
thunder soon clashes
Hope you find my comments helpful. ~DD
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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You made super excellent suggestions DD! I should have worked with you earlier on this effort. LOL
I do feel a bit guilty now about changing after so many reviews, but I still edited it a bit. I hate those the's!
Mark
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I am happy to help Mark. Do not be scared about making changes if it looks and feels right. Some reviewers do not give helpful comments as they either are too scared to offer so as not to offend or they do not bother to read it properly and just accept what is written. Personally, I prefer to better my craft from those that know more than I.
Not all my suggestions may be helpful to you but it may give you food for thought to take or leave. No pressure from me either way. I am still learning myself, always. :-) ~DD
Comment from lyenochka
Your 5-7-5 follows the natural progression of the storm - first lightning (the first two lines describe the flashing cracking the sky) then the sound of thunder comes in the last line and you have both the first and last line rhyme. Great job!
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Your 5-7-5 follows the natural progression of the storm - first lightning (the first two lines describe the flashing cracking the sky) then the sound of thunder comes in the last line and you have both the first and last line rhyme. Great job!
Comment Written 12-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
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Thanks for your great review! To be honest, one reviewer suggested I rid myself of my 'the' words so I edited at this late date my first line.
Mark
Mark
Comment from Gail Denham
That's the weather we've had in this county and all around us - for days now - hoping there will be sun tomorrow as our church has a baptism in the river planned - and I must cook some side dishes.
I like your poem - the image of lightning being cracks in the sky.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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That's the weather we've had in this county and all around us - for days now - hoping there will be sun tomorrow as our church has a baptism in the river planned - and I must cook some side dishes.
I like your poem - the image of lightning being cracks in the sky.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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thanks Gail!
I am hopeful the planned baptism event and side dishes will all go well (-:
Mark
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Thank you - it's an exciting time for sure.
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me too - I'm off on making the potato salad - next is a wonderful cake recipe. yum (I hope)
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This is an excellent description of summer storm observation and expression of lightning and thunder sound; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Keep Writing, Inspiring, Changing
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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This is an excellent description of summer storm observation and expression of lightning and thunder sound; well said, well done. Liked and enjoyed the read. Keep Writing, Inspiring, Changing
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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Thanks, as always, for your review of my short verse style.
Mark
Comment from dovemarie
Dear Mark D.R. Perfect picture for your 17-syllable poem that really says it all about thunder and lightning - I could just see it, feel and hear it as I read it. Dove
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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Dear Mark D.R. Perfect picture for your 17-syllable poem that really says it all about thunder and lightning - I could just see it, feel and hear it as I read it. Dove
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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Dove,
THANK YOU for your comments. Glad you could feel it in the way I intended.
Mark
Comment from Sandra Ludwick
Thank you for sharing your poem. It is not easy to write in this style. You seem to have chosen your words very appropriately. Well done and good luck.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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Thank you for sharing your poem. It is not easy to write in this style. You seem to have chosen your words very appropriately. Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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Thank you for your review and stars. My poetry skill set seems limited to this short verse style only. Rarely do I post with more than 17 syllables. LOL. Unfortunately, I find it difficult to read and evaluate longer FS entries.
Mark
Comment from LeftHandedScribe
I've read a few of your short pieces, and I am very impressed with your ability to economize and yet still tell a full story. Even in these few lines you manage to capture a snapshot. I like the reference to nature as well, which shows the true haiku form.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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I've read a few of your short pieces, and I am very impressed with your ability to economize and yet still tell a full story. Even in these few lines you manage to capture a snapshot. I like the reference to nature as well, which shows the true haiku form.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2019
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So pleased you enjoyed this one (and others) and your compliment for my short writing style. I saved up enough FS bucks to re-advertise this story.
I really strive to write more traditional Japanese Haiku, but it is difficult to accomplish. Counting 17 syllables is often easier to achieve. LOL
Mark
Comment from Bucketlist
I liked your dramatic capture of storms. The picture you used made a perfect pair with your 5-7-5. I heard that we can count the number of seconds between lightening flashes and thunder clashes to calculate the distance of the storm from us in miles?
Hugs, Trisha
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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I liked your dramatic capture of storms. The picture you used made a perfect pair with your 5-7-5. I heard that we can count the number of seconds between lightening flashes and thunder clashes to calculate the distance of the storm from us in miles?
Hugs, Trisha
Comment Written 14-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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Trisha,
You are correct. Sound travels faster than light. So for every second between lightning and the sound of thunder, it is about one
1,000 feet in distance away. I just looked it up: sound travels at 767 miles per hour. So if you count to five between sight and sound, that works out to be a mile, 10 seconds means it is two miles away. If they seem to occur together, find shelter immediately!
Enjoy your math-weather lesson for today. LOL
Mark
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That?s kind , thank you Mark
Comment from Darlene BoClair
I like the words (white crack and lightning) that positively display the weather conditions of the Summer sky. I like the total perfect (5-7-5) structure of the poem. I encourage you to keep sharing all your poetic works.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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I like the words (white crack and lightning) that positively display the weather conditions of the Summer sky. I like the total perfect (5-7-5) structure of the poem. I encourage you to keep sharing all your poetic works.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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Darlene,
Thank you for your encouragement. My main poetic writing uses this 5-7-5 form. Sometimes. I will enter a contest with less syllables or words. As an example, I entered a three line contest (and not a winning entry) with my play on words in 5-7-5 syllables for:
genealogy
autobiographical
documentation
So, as you see, not all my efforts might be classified as poetry LOL
I strive to write more poetic ones and I would prefer to write more traditional Japanese Haiku. The latter takes more concentrated effort and my skill level is not always up to the challenge.
Regardless, THANK YOU for your support for my summertime weather report verse.
Mark
