Comment from JudyE

Good

More exciting writing but I wonder about the wolves attacking David but not Sarah but that's okay. Maybe she could have a stout stick to wave around a bit and put them off attacking.

My comments:
He laughed. "I'm a good actor am I not?" - comma after 'actor'

Tripping on a rock, she fell and heard a crack, a sharp pain shot through her ankle. - period after 'crack'

Putting out her arms, she tried to grab a hold of something to stop herself. - maybe 'flinging out her arms'. Delete 'a'

Coming to a sudden halt, she groaned as she hit a line of bushes. - I might have placed hitting the line of bushes first. 'As she hit a line of bushes, she came to a sudden halt, groaning.'

She didn't know there were flood lights at the back of the house - maybe 'hadn't known'. 'Floodlights' is one word.

The light didn't reach to where she hid - maybe simply 'The light didn't reach her'.

She could see he had a flashlight now, it was one of those that gave off a bright, wide beam. - period after 'now'

Looking around, she knew there was no where to go. - 'nowhere' should be one word.

"Wait David..." - comma after 'Wait'

He pointed the gun at her head, and the next moment a huge black shadow leaped out of the trees, knocking him to the ground. - perhaps period after 'head' then new sentence: 'Suddenly a huge, black ....'

Sarah heard growling and snarling, and David screamed. Two more black shapes joined the first. She heard more screams from David, then just a gurgling sound and wolves feasting. - This might convey more urgency with a period after 'snarling'. Short, sharp sentences here perhaps.

She rolled on to her belly, bitting her lip to not cry-out in pain, and quietly inched herself along. - spelling - 'biting'. Delete hyphen from 'cry out'

When she was far enough away from the wolves, she crawled up the hill as fast as she could, staying in the shadows. - I'm not sure it's very realistic that the wolves don't attack Sarah as well.

She stood on one foot, and waved her arms to make herself visible. - perhaps just 'waved her arms' or 'waved her arms, hoping to attract someone's attention'.

'How did you find me?" she asked wiping tears from her eyes. - double quote marks before 'How' and comma after 'asked'

"Lots of good old fashion police work," the Chief said - should be 'old-fashioned' and comma after 'good'

He was so relieved to have found Sarah safe, he was almost giddy. - consider using 'he was giddy with relief' adding 'at finding Sarah safe' if you think it sounds better.

He kept an arm around her as the
He kept his arm around her as they - did you mean to use the same phrase both times?

Cheers
Judy


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 Comment Written 08-Jul-2019

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019

Thanks for all the helps. I don't know that the wolves would have attacked Sarah. Predators go for the easiest target, which you think would be Sarah but she was hidden and David standing. Wolves hunt one prey at a time. They may kill many in one night, but they work as a pack and kill one at a time. Some wolves do hunt as individuals but usually the prey is very small like rats or rabbits. Ethiopian wolves hunt rats and do it individually, but together. So I hope it is realistic enough, if not well, in my story, Sarah isn't attacked. =] I want it to be as real as possible of course, but most books I read, there is always something that I think the writer took a bit of creative license with, even true stories. =} Just a few more chapter, which I fear won't be too exciting as it is tying up the loose ends. Then a break. I'm not sure books are for me, or writing. I can't seem to learn the proper grammar or punctuation for some reason. I think I'm doing well, but...I feel I owe it to the poor reviewers to give them a break. =} Maybe poems from now on, though I seem to have trouble with them too. =} I need to concentrate on my card business for a while as I've been neglecting it and it does make me a little extra money which is nice.
So need to get going on that a bit more.

Thanks again for the helps. I did make some changes which I hope helped the story flow better. Rox

reply by JudyE on 08-Jul-2019

I reread it and you do say she had hidden herself so I'm sure it's fine as it is. I'm sorry if you're thinking of not writing so much. I don't think I'd ever tackle a book. I don't seem to have the patience to write at length and I'm too old now. I 'lose' the words I want to use.

I guess it depends how driven you are. You can always get help with your grammar but you need to enjoy what you're doing too. Take care. Judy