A Light in the Darkness
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Captive"Young rookie detective is assigned a serial case
10 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Rox,
You've been a busy girl! I've been off-site a few days and missed a bunch! Now, I'm having to work to catch up! *smile* I'm very proud of you for the great work you're doing. Lots of good stuff here.
One spot with nits:
--> "Let's hit the road." He put the gun in his (waistband) and and untied her.
--> delete one of those 'ands'
Thanks!
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2019
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Rox,
You've been a busy girl! I've been off-site a few days and missed a bunch! Now, I'm having to work to catch up! *smile* I'm very proud of you for the great work you're doing. Lots of good stuff here.
One spot with nits:
--> "Let's hit the road." He put the gun in his (waistband) and and untied her.
--> delete one of those 'ands'
Thanks!
Comment Written 10-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much. I though I hadn't seen you for awhile. I may take a bit of a break once this is finished. I need to work on my cards for my Etsy site. I can usually do both, but lately I've been so pooped when I get home from work. I think I have a 'pooped out' disease. So may need to quit the writing just for a short time.
Comment from royowen
There's no doubt the Sarah knows how to think on her feet, so to speak, despite the bad luck of bumping into her nemesis, she's still thinking outside the box. She still has the knife, but she figures she'll have kill Hopi mood to have a chance. A woman and her daughter pull up to help...we'll done Rox, great suspense, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2019
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There's no doubt the Sarah knows how to think on her feet, so to speak, despite the bad luck of bumping into her nemesis, she's still thinking outside the box. She still has the knife, but she figures she'll have kill Hopi mood to have a chance. A woman and her daughter pull up to help...we'll done Rox, great suspense, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 08-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2019
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Thanks so much Roy. Rox
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Welcome
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Awwww, Why couldn't it have been the Sarah's cop friends? They were supposed to be following the tracks of Davids car.
I sure wish Sarah could get the better of him, I don't like him at all and now two more are going to be at his mercy. One a child? You didn't say.Well done. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Awwww, Why couldn't it have been the Sarah's cop friends? They were supposed to be following the tracks of Davids car.
I sure wish Sarah could get the better of him, I don't like him at all and now two more are going to be at his mercy. One a child? You didn't say.Well done. Nancy:)
Comment Written 07-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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More will be explained in the next chapter. =} Thanks so much Nancy.
Comment from Mistydawn
Not two more and one is a little girl? Oh, I hope he takes her advice. Being strung out, it's hard to say what he'll do. I hope she figures out a way to save them all. The story is very well-written, interesting, start to finish. Your characters seem real, believable.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Not two more and one is a little girl? Oh, I hope he takes her advice. Being strung out, it's hard to say what he'll do. I hope she figures out a way to save them all. The story is very well-written, interesting, start to finish. Your characters seem real, believable.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Thanks so much =}
Comment from Sally Law
A good chapter and hopeful outcome for Sarah. I thought for a minute there, he was going to leave her for the wolves. Great photo of Sara sitting underneath the tree on the snow. It brought me, as the reader, more into the story, making it realistic.
Just a little comment to enhance your flow. Don't be afraid to use a semicolon to connect two independent clauses. "Then it dawned on her; Dave was strung out." A period ends the flow more abruptly. I am learning more and more about the beauty of the semicolon.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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A good chapter and hopeful outcome for Sarah. I thought for a minute there, he was going to leave her for the wolves. Great photo of Sara sitting underneath the tree on the snow. It brought me, as the reader, more into the story, making it realistic.
Just a little comment to enhance your flow. Don't be afraid to use a semicolon to connect two independent clauses. "Then it dawned on her; Dave was strung out." A period ends the flow more abruptly. I am learning more and more about the beauty of the semicolon.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
Comment Written 07-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Okay, I did make a few changes. Hope it helped the flow. Thanks so much Sally.
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Super. I will check it out!
Comment from JudyE
The pacing and action are progressing well. You're doing a great job of keeping our interest.
I picked up a few small points.
You never loved me did you? - comma after 'me'
"I'll put some snow on your eye, it will help the swelling. - period after 'eye'
He put the gun in his waste band - spelling - waistband
Best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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The pacing and action are progressing well. You're doing a great job of keeping our interest.
I picked up a few small points.
You never loved me did you? - comma after 'me'
"I'll put some snow on your eye, it will help the swelling. - period after 'eye'
He put the gun in his waste band - spelling - waistband
Best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 07-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Thanks so much dear, I made corrections. =}
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Oh my! I'm not liking that well-built Lexus about right now! LoL! David seems to be quite the invincible guy! Your story is very intense and I can't wait (again) for the next chapter!!!!
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Oh my! I'm not liking that well-built Lexus about right now! LoL! David seems to be quite the invincible guy! Your story is very intense and I can't wait (again) for the next chapter!!!!
Comment Written 06-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Those Lexus, I'm never buying one of them! =} Mainly because I could never afford it. Thanks so much dear.
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Yeah me either! Haha!!
Comment from Darlene BoClair
Now, David has gotten the attention of your readers. Already he is violent, mental, strong, drug user and willing to kill. I can vision the headlines in the local paper, yet only you will know what it says. I want more details. The temperature of the local area before frostbite sets in and the details of the Lexus condition after the crash. The ages of the woman and her daughter. The story is so well written as is, yet this curious reader wants to know more before the ending.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Now, David has gotten the attention of your readers. Already he is violent, mental, strong, drug user and willing to kill. I can vision the headlines in the local paper, yet only you will know what it says. I want more details. The temperature of the local area before frostbite sets in and the details of the Lexus condition after the crash. The ages of the woman and her daughter. The story is so well written as is, yet this curious reader wants to know more before the ending.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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They'll be more detail in the next chapter to answers some of your questions. It's ready to go, I just need to get some funny money. =} Thanks so much dear. Rox
Comment from Brady Jane
Great chapter! It had just the right amount of suspense and action, I really enjoyed it. I'm eager to discover more of Sarah's story. I also admired how the characters are so developed and the plot is solid.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Great chapter! It had just the right amount of suspense and action, I really enjoyed it. I'm eager to discover more of Sarah's story. I also admired how the characters are so developed and the plot is solid.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much and for the 6 stars as well. Glad you enjoyed it. You have encouraged me greatly. =] Rox
Comment from Shawntell Roberson
My kind of story! I love mystery and crime. I also love a twisting plot. This has it all. It is very well written. I see no errors in spelling nor in grammar or punctuation. I couldn't peel my eyes away from it! Best of luck.
Shawntell
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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My kind of story! I love mystery and crime. I also love a twisting plot. This has it all. It is very well written. I see no errors in spelling nor in grammar or punctuation. I couldn't peel my eyes away from it! Best of luck.
Shawntell
Comment Written 06-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much. Your review was so encouraging! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Hope to post the next chapter as soon as I get enough funny money. I have it finished, just need to clean it up and get busy making money. Maybe five more chapters or so. =} Rox
