the bluest eyes
an 80 word story7 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This eighty-word flash fiction story, The Bluest Eyes, has the proper word count and gives the readers a look at the 'ghost of summers past' so to speak. Seems fair.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2019
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This eighty-word flash fiction story, The Bluest Eyes, has the proper word count and gives the readers a look at the 'ghost of summers past' so to speak. Seems fair.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2019
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Thanks for the review Bill. yeah I think that might have tilt~a~whirled his little life ha ha. Fair season in coming up in Vermont. Cheers.
Comment from Michele Harber
You manage to get a lot of information, both current and expositional, into an 80-word story. Your first paragraph does an excellent job of setting the scene, while the third paragraph provides just enough backstory, and your last paragraph says so much between the lines. This is well done, and I wish you luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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You manage to get a lot of information, both current and expositional, into an 80-word story. Your first paragraph does an excellent job of setting the scene, while the third paragraph provides just enough backstory, and your last paragraph says so much between the lines. This is well done, and I wish you luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Thanks for the insightful review Michele. It was a fun write. Fair season coming up in Vermont, I love them. Might do a part two to this one. Have a fun Fourth of July. Cheers.
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I'll keep my eye out for a part 2. Meanwhile, you have a happy Fourth of July yourself.
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We just had Canada's first of July,,I might scoot over the border to Vermont and share your celebrations. Cheers
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Well, didn't THAT put a whole different tilt-and-whirl on his day/month/life! Very well-paced piece that engages the senses, (the loud rock music to hear, the pretty girls to notice) and keeps the surprise ending to the very, very end! Great entry! Good luck to you! xo
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Well, didn't THAT put a whole different tilt-and-whirl on his day/month/life! Very well-paced piece that engages the senses, (the loud rock music to hear, the pretty girls to notice) and keeps the surprise ending to the very, very end! Great entry! Good luck to you! xo
Comment Written 03-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Haha, yeah, maybe he should have spent more time at the whack a mole. Fair season coming up, love it. Just read your little adventure about the firehose and your husband and daughter coming to the rescue.
But, but it's her birthday. You crack me up seriously. Have a great fourth with your family. Cheers
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Yes, the whack-a-mole; much better choice!
You have a good Fourth, as well! xo
Comment from LisaMay
I love this! You have given the reader a nicely told story, a wistful young man wanting to be somewhere else after his shift, a bit of backstory, and then the delight of 'the reveal' in the last 2 words. Daddy! I wonder if they got together again or she was with someone else by then. I hope they ended up together so the kid could know his father.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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I love this! You have given the reader a nicely told story, a wistful young man wanting to be somewhere else after his shift, a bit of backstory, and then the delight of 'the reveal' in the last 2 words. Daddy! I wonder if they got together again or she was with someone else by then. I hope they ended up together so the kid could know his father.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Thanks for the review. Maybe I will do a follow up on this one. I appreciate your encouragement and kind words, cheers, j
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The story could be worth pursuing.. there are a few possibilities.
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I agree. Next suitable prompt. Cheers, j
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
Excellent, awesome, a novel in the making. Also, I didn't see that last line coming.
Your story read smoothly from beginning to end; I liked that you started off with the main character and setting within the first paragraph, giving me something to relate to; excellent strong words; so much said in such few words; excellent artwork choice.
A truly great contest entry; I wish you the very best!
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2019
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Excellent, awesome, a novel in the making. Also, I didn't see that last line coming.
Your story read smoothly from beginning to end; I liked that you started off with the main character and setting within the first paragraph, giving me something to relate to; excellent strong words; so much said in such few words; excellent artwork choice.
A truly great contest entry; I wish you the very best!
Comment Written 02-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2019
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Thanks for your encouraging review. I might explore a story at a fair, so much descriptive writing there. I appreciate your support. Cheers,
Comment from Earl Corp
You packed a lot into an 80 word flash fiction story. Reminds me of Tanya Tucker's song What's Yout Mama's Name. Kind of the same premise. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2019
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You packed a lot into an 80 word flash fiction story. Reminds me of Tanya Tucker's song What's Yout Mama's Name. Kind of the same premise. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2019
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Cheers, thanks for the review and nudge into past memories, I remember listening to delta dawn like 200 years ago.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
I ran this through three word processors and also counted manually and am getting a consistent word count of 78 (you're two words short). This is easy enough to fix before the CEC gets hold of it. Your story is well executed and progresses to what is a very sweet ending. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2019
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I ran this through three word processors and also counted manually and am getting a consistent word count of 78 (you're two words short). This is easy enough to fix before the CEC gets hold of it. Your story is well executed and progresses to what is a very sweet ending. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2019
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Thanks for your sleuth~like review. I think tilt a whirl threw off the word count. I appreciate your advice on the number count before presenting to the committee. Cheers,
