The Green Lantern
A Tavern10 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
I'm not sure how you take out a credit card in someone else's name, but if you can, you've found a much more satisfactory solution to the problem than putting a bullet in his head! Green beer? No, I couldn't come at that!
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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I'm not sure how you take out a credit card in someone else's name, but if you can, you've found a much more satisfactory solution to the problem than putting a bullet in his head! Green beer? No, I couldn't come at that!
Comment Written 06-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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I had an ex take a card out in my name because he knew my Social Security number and address. Luckily I caught it early. Thank you for your review it truly helped. And you are right. i have been to Irish Pubs on Saint Paddy's day and the green beer leaves your teeth greem. lol
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Ohhhh dear! Damn those redheads!! They ruin everything! But what about Brodie's son? He'd be an orphan --dead father, incarcerated mother! Just charge zillions of dollars in Brodie's name with all those credit cards, whereupon he'd be dropped by the Irish Princess, and vengeance would be the narrator's.
Really good flash fiction. It was a pleasure to read from beginning to end. Good luck in the contest!! xo
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Ohhhh dear! Damn those redheads!! They ruin everything! But what about Brodie's son? He'd be an orphan --dead father, incarcerated mother! Just charge zillions of dollars in Brodie's name with all those credit cards, whereupon he'd be dropped by the Irish Princess, and vengeance would be the narrator's.
Really good flash fiction. It was a pleasure to read from beginning to end. Good luck in the contest!! xo
Comment Written 06-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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I like that you commented on his son. I think that is why she chooses to hurt him in a different way, by using his money like he used hers. But even then i believe the reason she wants to use all the cards at once is so she can throw them away and move on with her life. Thank you for your review. It truly helped me.
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Ohhh. She does that instead of using the gun! Gotcha! sorry I missed that the first time. Money is the perfect way to hurt him.
Comment from Gail Denham
Good job. You pulled me into the story right away. Only one comments - when you said "in four years he HAD bankrupted me" - and also "he HAD found a redhead" - I think that would be clearer - but just my opinion.
So where will the other cards be used? and why before tomorrow? Hmmm - intriguing. Hope it doesn't mean the protagonist will kill herself - nah...
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Good job. You pulled me into the story right away. Only one comments - when you said "in four years he HAD bankrupted me" - and also "he HAD found a redhead" - I think that would be clearer - but just my opinion.
So where will the other cards be used? and why before tomorrow? Hmmm - intriguing. Hope it doesn't mean the protagonist will kill herself - nah...
Comment Written 05-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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No, she will not. She wants to use the cards quickly then destroy them and move on, but she does need a little revenge before she can truly move on. We are complicated creatures after all. Enjoyed your review. Thank you so much.
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Actually prob. a good revenge if that's what she's after. Pitiful how small-minded the man is...he's the loser.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
There's a nice tone to this piece. The voice in it is strong and engaging. Good perspective held throughout.
Couple of things I noted down as I read through-
authentic food, Fish and Chips,- fish & chips isn't authentic Irish food - it's more british.
Saint Patty's Day, - more traditionally spelt Paddy's Day. (may be different in the States)
told me my dark brown eyes entranced him. - Told.
Everything was my fault, - should probably be a full stop / period rather than a comma at the end here.
So, why did I bring him into my house, protect him when I found out he was in trouble with the law.- should perhaps have a question mark here.
Her body, skinny and taut, / voluptuous body,- the descriptions here would appear contradictory.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Hi there,
There's a nice tone to this piece. The voice in it is strong and engaging. Good perspective held throughout.
Couple of things I noted down as I read through-
authentic food, Fish and Chips,- fish & chips isn't authentic Irish food - it's more british.
Saint Patty's Day, - more traditionally spelt Paddy's Day. (may be different in the States)
told me my dark brown eyes entranced him. - Told.
Everything was my fault, - should probably be a full stop / period rather than a comma at the end here.
So, why did I bring him into my house, protect him when I found out he was in trouble with the law.- should perhaps have a question mark here.
Her body, skinny and taut, / voluptuous body,- the descriptions here would appear contradictory.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 05-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Once again as always, one of my favorite reviewers. Thank you so much. I love the knowledge you share.
Comment from humpwhistle
Ah, there's some revenge--using credit cards issued in his name.
But I'm glad 'you' didn't pull the trigger.
Speaking for myself, I wish you had found a way around using so much backstory. Also, you might want to check your punctuation.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2019
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Ah, there's some revenge--using credit cards issued in his name.
But I'm glad 'you' didn't pull the trigger.
Speaking for myself, I wish you had found a way around using so much backstory. Also, you might want to check your punctuation.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 03-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2019
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Yep still working on punctuation and other things, thank you so much for being truthful and helpful.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Judy, this is a great little flash. Yes, sometimes no revenge is a revenge in itself. But at least she's using his credit. Now, about the pistol, I'm sure she's prepared to use it. Great writing and good luck. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Hi Judy, this is a great little flash. Yes, sometimes no revenge is a revenge in itself. But at least she's using his credit. Now, about the pistol, I'm sure she's prepared to use it. Great writing and good luck. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 03-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Thank you I always love hearing from you.
Comment from Rikki66
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Your character intends on a night of proving that cliche to be a fact. Well written good luck in the contest.
Rikki:)
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Your character intends on a night of proving that cliche to be a fact. Well written good luck in the contest.
Rikki:)
Comment Written 02-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Thank you Rikki, Funny the things that come from prompts, you never really know what you are going to write.
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You are most welcome.
Rikki:)xo
Comment from Sasha
I agree, sometimes no revenge is the best revenge. Good to see that this was fiction. You did a great job with this and I sincerely wish you all the best in this contest.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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I agree, sometimes no revenge is the best revenge. Good to see that this was fiction. You did a great job with this and I sincerely wish you all the best in this contest.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Funny the things that come from prompts, you never really know what you are going to write.
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I am going to have to check out the prompts and possibly get some ideas for a subject to write about.
Comment from Alex Rosel
I like this a lot. In particular, I like the staccato narrative style. It's succinct, almost brutal in places. It's nicely done :)
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
told me my dark brown eyes entranced him, had a child with him. -- Spag? Start the sentence with a capital "T".
He left out the part that she was rich. -- Ha, ha. I like this. It's a great aside :)
Stronger than oak he stood six foot five, arms as big as tree. -- This is confusing. Do you mean as big as a tree? Or maybe you mean as thick as a tree trunk?
familuar to me -- Spag? I think you mean familiar to me.
This is a good entry for the Flash Fiction contest. Good luck with the competition :)
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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I like this a lot. In particular, I like the staccato narrative style. It's succinct, almost brutal in places. It's nicely done :)
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
told me my dark brown eyes entranced him, had a child with him. -- Spag? Start the sentence with a capital "T".
He left out the part that she was rich. -- Ha, ha. I like this. It's a great aside :)
Stronger than oak he stood six foot five, arms as big as tree. -- This is confusing. Do you mean as big as a tree? Or maybe you mean as thick as a tree trunk?
familuar to me -- Spag? I think you mean familiar to me.
This is a good entry for the Flash Fiction contest. Good luck with the competition :)
Comment Written 02-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much. I didn't realize my grammarly was off. Boy, have I become dependent on that. I so appreciate your help and every one of those mistakes needed to be fixed. You are wonderful.
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Comment from Sylvia Page
JUSYLEE, I enjoyed your story. It was great. Good imagery and a good ending. Seeing you set this in an Irish setting I think you should use British English. Here are some things you should think about correcting to...
My favourite tavern, "The Green Lantern",
The advertisement
green leprechauns
black hair. Told
when I found ( capitalise "I")
Tonight, I got to "The Green Lantern" early.
she would inherit millions.
before he kissed her, familiar to me.
the small calibre pistol
Sylvia
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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JUSYLEE, I enjoyed your story. It was great. Good imagery and a good ending. Seeing you set this in an Irish setting I think you should use British English. Here are some things you should think about correcting to...
My favourite tavern, "The Green Lantern",
The advertisement
green leprechauns
black hair. Told
when I found ( capitalise "I")
Tonight, I got to "The Green Lantern" early.
she would inherit millions.
before he kissed her, familiar to me.
the small calibre pistol
Sylvia
Comment Written 02-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019
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I didn't realize my grammarly was off of my computer. I needed every one of your corrections. Thank you so much for that.
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My pleasure Jusylee am glad it helped
