Be Wee With Bea Part2
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Another silhouette in the midst"Continuation of Bea's Strollings
11 total reviews
Comment from WryWriter
Oh such mystery! A chapter that holds reader attention and makes them want to continue reading. I must agree that the chosen art pulls in the reader's eye to search the mist. An excellent job of bringing Bea's thoughts alive.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
  |
Oh such mystery! A chapter that holds reader attention and makes them want to continue reading. I must agree that the chosen art pulls in the reader's eye to search the mist. An excellent job of bringing Bea's thoughts alive.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
-
Wow. I really like the way you do reviews, very much like I do. I will be nominating you for the reviewer contest.
Comment from Rinshikai
I haven't read the previous chapters, but your work definitely captured my interest. The combination of Bea's fear and curiosity with her surroundings makes me as a reader want to know more. I get a Alice in Wonderland/The Mist feel to it. (whimsical/terrifying)
Well done
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
 |
I haven't read the previous chapters, but your work definitely captured my interest. The combination of Bea's fear and curiosity with her surroundings makes me as a reader want to know more. I get a Alice in Wonderland/The Mist feel to it. (whimsical/terrifying)
Well done
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
-
Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I like the genres you have cited. If you continue to read more you will be very surprised about what it is.
Comment from JLR
A nice well paced tale that is engaging. Your selection on the graphic is a perfect transition to reading your work. I hope that you are very successful in writing and thank you for sharing your work.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
|
A nice well paced tale that is engaging. Your selection on the graphic is a perfect transition to reading your work. I hope that you are very successful in writing and thank you for sharing your work.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
-
Thank you for your supportive review. I appreciate your interest.
Comment from James W. Reynolds
This an intriguing piece. I like the atmospheric descriptions. They match the tone and subject nicely. There are other good touches, such as how in her mind she hurries home but in reality she tiptoes.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
|
This an intriguing piece. I like the atmospheric descriptions. They match the tone and subject nicely. There are other good touches, such as how in her mind she hurries home but in reality she tiptoes.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
-
Thank you for your supportive review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Sylvia Page
Liz O'Neill, Is this a book for children? it took me back to my make-believe childhood carefree days. It is a delightful read. However, there are a few things that struck me
Bea thought (that -delete)
This one was shorter (and had -delete/ with) a (very/rather)
(This /It) meant (that -delete) there was more than one kind.
much to turn away (and, ) yet
(Then,- delete) She (then) remembered
Best wishes
Sylvia
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
|
Liz O'Neill, Is this a book for children? it took me back to my make-believe childhood carefree days. It is a delightful read. However, there are a few things that struck me
Bea thought (that -delete)
This one was shorter (and had -delete/ with) a (very/rather)
(This /It) meant (that -delete) there was more than one kind.
much to turn away (and, ) yet
(Then,- delete) She (then) remembered
Best wishes
Sylvia
Comment Written 27-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
-
Thank you for your supportive review. I've already tweaked my writing. I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. This written in a Winnie the Pooh genre. It is for all ages.
Comment from Alex Rosel
I haven't read the previous parts, so I come to this cold.
The narrative reads well, and it kept my attention throughout :)
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
This meant that there was more than one kind. -- In general, I look to omit all unnecessary uses of the word that. This is such a case; the meaning of the sentence doesn't alter if you delete that from it. By removing unnecessary or redundant words, it help to improve the pace of the narrative.
Then, she remembered the shadow of the creature in her very cave home. -- Another general point. When events in the narrative follow the natural chronology, there is no need to add a time modifier. So, if this was mine, I'd omit the word then.
In her mind, she sprinted away toward home, while she tiptoed quietly and cautiously full of thought -- I really like the imagery you've employed here :)
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
|
I haven't read the previous parts, so I come to this cold.
The narrative reads well, and it kept my attention throughout :)
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
This meant that there was more than one kind. -- In general, I look to omit all unnecessary uses of the word that. This is such a case; the meaning of the sentence doesn't alter if you delete that from it. By removing unnecessary or redundant words, it help to improve the pace of the narrative.
Then, she remembered the shadow of the creature in her very cave home. -- Another general point. When events in the narrative follow the natural chronology, there is no need to add a time modifier. So, if this was mine, I'd omit the word then.
In her mind, she sprinted away toward home, while she tiptoed quietly and cautiously full of thought -- I really like the imagery you've employed here :)
Comment Written 27-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
-
Thank you for your supportive review. I have just tweaked my writing. I like the alertness of redundancy. I hope to remember your word when I find myself using the word "that". Thank you for the compliment regarding my imagery.
Comment from Brenda Henderson
Well written. Interesting story. Is it my imagination or does this creature meet the descriptions some have given of the famous Loch Ness Monster? At least the description of the first creature sounds familiar. Is this an account of another real citing worked into this story? In either event well done!
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
|
Well written. Interesting story. Is it my imagination or does this creature meet the descriptions some have given of the famous Loch Ness Monster? At least the description of the first creature sounds familiar. Is this an account of another real citing worked into this story? In either event well done!
Comment Written 26-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
-
No, it's actually going to develop more humorously than that. I could give you the spoiler but then you might not want to read more. Thank you for your involved review.
-
Okay then. I guess I'll have to wait and see. :)
Comment from BeasPeas
As always, Liz, your writing is really nice and I know I've missed some chapters of your Bea story. Congratulations for it being on Amazon. There is just one little thing I wondered about here: "This one was shorter and had a very weird (weirdly) shaped head and moved faster than the other. Marilyn
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
|
As always, Liz, your writing is really nice and I know I've missed some chapters of your Bea story. Congratulations for it being on Amazon. There is just one little thing I wondered about here: "This one was shorter and had a very weird (weirdly) shaped head and moved faster than the other. Marilyn
Comment Written 26-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
-
Thank you for your kind support and review.I'm glad you're enjoying these chapters
-
So your book is published now on Amazon?
Comment from john mallahan
All right, am just gonna venture a guess that you've been to the edges of "Loch Ness" Or, maybe not needed! Lotsa strange stuff happens all the time! Thanks for the bookmark!
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
|
All right, am just gonna venture a guess that you've been to the edges of "Loch Ness" Or, maybe not needed! Lotsa strange stuff happens all the time! Thanks for the bookmark!
Comment Written 26-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
-
I love your outlook. Thank you for a fun review. I will be visiting your portfolio soon. It is on my list.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
I'm thinking sweet Bea needs to just sleep later and maybe the fog would have burned off by then... LOL! ;) ;) This was one of those intriguing ones that the reader is really left hanging....!! :) :) Looking forward to the next installment! ;) ;) Thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
There is was --> There it was
away, and yet could --> away, and, yet, she could OR away and, yet, could
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
|
I'm thinking sweet Bea needs to just sleep later and maybe the fog would have burned off by then... LOL! ;) ;) This was one of those intriguing ones that the reader is really left hanging....!! :) :) Looking forward to the next installment! ;) ;) Thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
There is was --> There it was
away, and yet could --> away, and, yet, she could OR away and, yet, could
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
-
Thank you for the observations. I have tweaked my writing. I enjoy the tone of your reviews.
