Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Ingrid Lost"Flash Fiction
15 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Murray! I found a story with fourteen reviews! Let's flip it over the top! I write 99% poetry. That being said when I have dated try prose I've stuck almost entirely to flash fiction...generally 150 words max. So I have come to appreciate the challenge of developing A plot, introducing characters and maintaining A cohesive beginning, middle and end. You do that well here! Ratcheting up the tension gradually and then grabbing us and drawing us in!
Great use of descriptive words to set the scene and expose the conflict!
I prefer my horror in smaller bites!
Very nice...
(Those pesky A's sprinkled throughout generally indicate a formatting disconnect...)
Easily edited out!
Karenina
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Murray! I found a story with fourteen reviews! Let's flip it over the top! I write 99% poetry. That being said when I have dated try prose I've stuck almost entirely to flash fiction...generally 150 words max. So I have come to appreciate the challenge of developing A plot, introducing characters and maintaining A cohesive beginning, middle and end. You do that well here! Ratcheting up the tension gradually and then grabbing us and drawing us in!
Great use of descriptive words to set the scene and expose the conflict!
I prefer my horror in smaller bites!
Very nice...
(Those pesky A's sprinkled throughout generally indicate a formatting disconnect...)
Easily edited out!
Karenina
Comment Written 20-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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You're so right. Thank you. I'm telling you, I CANNOT tell you how much this means, how big of a compliment it is to Me. Like I said I LOVE your writing. Karenina. What a beautiful name.
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Yes! So glad you've enjoyed my reviews! Thrilled you've read some of my posts! Hug those little ones and have an awesome Sunday!--Karenina
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Well, it looks like this is a case of some action being the proverbial "last straw". Obviously Ingrid had gone a step to far! Except for taking her out, I would feel the same as Harold about receiving continual criticism and being treated like a child. Well written!
Thanks for sharing!! xoxo
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2019
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Well, it looks like this is a case of some action being the proverbial "last straw". Obviously Ingrid had gone a step to far! Except for taking her out, I would feel the same as Harold about receiving continual criticism and being treated like a child. Well written!
Thanks for sharing!! xoxo
Comment Written 24-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2019
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Ha thank you very much! That's an honor that you found it. Really thank you :)
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I?ve read several so far! Hope you do well with Teddy in one before the judges now. Really like the bouquet one! xoxo
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Thank you!!!
Comment from Loren .
Well, my first thought is that Harold should have read the book of Proverbs before he considered matrimony. Indeed, living with Ingrid seemed be horror enough. I think you have a good sense of building atmosphere with your wording. I don't read much (if any) horror anymore, but Dean Koontz's earlier work hooked me into it years ago. This reminds me a bit of that, creating atmosphere. I think a lot of horror writers try to hard to make their story "scary" and that in turn makes it "scary" to read. Not sure what all of those phantom A's that show up in this post, maybe it's just my PC. Anyway, best of luck in the contest and have a blessed day. Hope you keep writing. Loren
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Well, my first thought is that Harold should have read the book of Proverbs before he considered matrimony. Indeed, living with Ingrid seemed be horror enough. I think you have a good sense of building atmosphere with your wording. I don't read much (if any) horror anymore, but Dean Koontz's earlier work hooked me into it years ago. This reminds me a bit of that, creating atmosphere. I think a lot of horror writers try to hard to make their story "scary" and that in turn makes it "scary" to read. Not sure what all of those phantom A's that show up in this post, maybe it's just my PC. Anyway, best of luck in the contest and have a blessed day. Hope you keep writing. Loren
Comment Written 08-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Oh wow thank you. I'm so glad you liked this one. I really appreciate it. You're a Great reviewer btw. Rare here ironically. Much appreciated. :)
Comment from Hitcher
ha ha, the moral of the story being... Don't ever get between a man and his crossword or the sands of time might just run out for you, hair and all. This was a great little story Greg, you set it up, rolled it back then let it go and caught the reader off balance. Loved it!
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2019
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ha ha, the moral of the story being... Don't ever get between a man and his crossword or the sands of time might just run out for you, hair and all. This was a great little story Greg, you set it up, rolled it back then let it go and caught the reader off balance. Loved it!
Comment Written 28-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2019
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THANK YOU!! I really appreciate that. Truly
Comment from oliver black
Not enough of a horror build-up... no tension or mystery. Needs more character description of both husband and wife for the reader to understand the dynamic.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
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Not enough of a horror build-up... no tension or mystery. Needs more character description of both husband and wife for the reader to understand the dynamic.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
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Your haven't posted anything. Your a nasty person. Keep your comments and negative energy to yourself.
Comment from rama devi
Hey there, dear friend. nice to see you posting.
Excellent flash fiction horror story. I like how you bookended it with a flashback in the middle. Good tight language and fine pacing. A few spag suggestion:
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Each day began(had begun) the same ...
*The warped linoleum table rocked slightly as she scribbled ... the worn pen ... a purchase from one of these quests.
Dashes not ellipses
*It had been a "real find"(,) as Ingrid put it,
* their fingers woven into themselves,(no ,) as she would lead them in prayer before the small breakfast she had prepared.
* his crossword puzzles in the Weekly r(R)eader.
Pitch perfect satirical closing note.
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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Hey there, dear friend. nice to see you posting.
Excellent flash fiction horror story. I like how you bookended it with a flashback in the middle. Good tight language and fine pacing. A few spag suggestion:
*
Each day began(had begun) the same ...
*The warped linoleum table rocked slightly as she scribbled ... the worn pen ... a purchase from one of these quests.
Dashes not ellipses
*It had been a "real find"(,) as Ingrid put it,
* their fingers woven into themselves,(no ,) as she would lead them in prayer before the small breakfast she had prepared.
* his crossword puzzles in the Weekly r(R)eader.
Pitch perfect satirical closing note.
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 26-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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Thank you! I was afraid this would come off too gruesome. Thank you for the edits too, I corrected it. No one seemed to point out the callback. I always try to add one in these. Thank you!!
I hope you are doing great too :)
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Doing great, thanks. Yes! Hope the same for you. It is not too gruesome for this genre!
:-))))
Comment from Pantygynt
The horror here is held at bay until the penultimate paragraph and even then is only hinted at as Harold contemplates the thin nylon cord. We have realised she was dead from the outset, but there was no hint of murder. To be honest, it is not until the last sentence that the true horror is revealed, the horror of Harold's indifference.
This is a very clever piece of horror writing in the best traditions of E.A. Poe.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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The horror here is held at bay until the penultimate paragraph and even then is only hinted at as Harold contemplates the thin nylon cord. We have realised she was dead from the outset, but there was no hint of murder. To be honest, it is not until the last sentence that the true horror is revealed, the horror of Harold's indifference.
This is a very clever piece of horror writing in the best traditions of E.A. Poe.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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WOW thank you. This made my night. And what a compliment. Seriously thank you, I really appreciate it.
Comment from JudyE
Well, that's pretty horror-ible! It should do well in the contest. I like the evocative imagery here too, especially 'frozen smiles trapped behind cheap glass'. Good luck.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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Well, that's pretty horror-ible! It should do well in the contest. I like the evocative imagery here too, especially 'frozen smiles trapped behind cheap glass'. Good luck.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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Thank you! I'm happy you liked it :)
Comment from country ranch writer
A shocking twist in this relationship he snapped and killed her off due to her nagging him all the time. Such a shame to end her life like he did sadly.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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A shocking twist in this relationship he snapped and killed her off due to her nagging him all the time. Such a shame to end her life like he did sadly.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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THANK YOU! That's really great and such a compliment. Truly thank you, this makes me happy. :)
Comment from royowen
"Poor" Harold, plagued presumably by a domineering woman who was putting paid to his favourite activities was no more, so he was free to practise his favoured pastime, crossword Puzzles. Well done, Gregory, you've written a good entry in this horror comp. good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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"Poor" Harold, plagued presumably by a domineering woman who was putting paid to his favourite activities was no more, so he was free to practise his favoured pastime, crossword Puzzles. Well done, Gregory, you've written a good entry in this horror comp. good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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Hey Roy! Thanks for reading this. I appreciate the compliments! God bless brother...
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Well done
