Broken branches
Families, grown apart from the start60 total reviews
Comment from Raul1
I see this poem as a negative one. It has feelings and emotions, but it needs a lot of work and re-editing. Learn how to do a poem. Nice work! Revise it and make it positive.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
   |
I see this poem as a negative one. It has feelings and emotions, but it needs a lot of work and re-editing. Learn how to do a poem. Nice work! Revise it and make it positive.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
-
Raul, thank you for your comment and I will work on edits...however, turning into a glad, positive poem impossible because the damage is irreparable.
-
You're welcome.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Good artwork and nice
presentation, JLR.
-Notes are appreciated.
-You take us on a journey
of your thoughts and use
"the broken branches" as the theme.
-The imagery of nature is effective.
-You also use questions to
illustrate your point:
"What caused that sudden,
in the distance, snap...?"
-I also like how you weave
together the "broken path"
and "the broken branch"
in the conclusion.
-I noticed one reviewer
already mentioned the rules
of the contest prompt.
-If they aren't followed, then
you are eliminated from consideration.
-Good luck!
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
|
-Good artwork and nice
presentation, JLR.
-Notes are appreciated.
-You take us on a journey
of your thoughts and use
"the broken branches" as the theme.
-The imagery of nature is effective.
-You also use questions to
illustrate your point:
"What caused that sudden,
in the distance, snap...?"
-I also like how you weave
together the "broken path"
and "the broken branch"
in the conclusion.
-I noticed one reviewer
already mentioned the rules
of the contest prompt.
-If they aren't followed, then
you are eliminated from consideration.
-Good luck!
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
-
I thank you I will d what I can t edit I to a correct submission.
-
You are welcome. Good luck with it.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This is a difficult poem to understand. I read it three times and I'm still not certain that I got it. That's fine. I like a poem that makes the reader think and your poem certainly does that.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
|
This is a difficult poem to understand. I read it three times and I'm still not certain that I got it. That's fine. I like a poem that makes the reader think and your poem certainly does that.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
-
Thanks Thomas for those who?s families have ties that bind this may be hard to reason. I so appreciate your comments.
Comment from the13thpoet
I have to be honest, I usually tend to shy away from poetry that doesn't rhyme. I'm so glad I chose to read that, it was great! Very deep and very profound. I think we are all broken branches on this tree of life. Thanks for sharing and good luck.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
|
I have to be honest, I usually tend to shy away from poetry that doesn't rhyme. I'm so glad I chose to read that, it was great! Very deep and very profound. I think we are all broken branches on this tree of life. Thanks for sharing and good luck.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
-
Thank you I understand your reluctance but I am grateful you took a chance.
Comment from royowen
Oh yes indeed, I wonder how many choose their life's pathway based on a chance encounter, or indeed, as you delicately put it, a snapping of a twig, or the depth of a swimming, in fact anything that would create a point,or focal point for one's life. Beautifully written in articulate and a nice easy flow to this free verse, blessings, Roy
I've never seen this price before,would cost a king's ransome,
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
|
Oh yes indeed, I wonder how many choose their life's pathway based on a chance encounter, or indeed, as you delicately put it, a snapping of a twig, or the depth of a swimming, in fact anything that would create a point,or focal point for one's life. Beautifully written in articulate and a nice easy flow to this free verse, blessings, Roy
I've never seen this price before,would cost a king's ransome,
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
-
Thank you.
-
Pleasure
Comment from Artasylum
This feels like an old folk song... Well done and great good luck in your lyrical poem writing prompt entry... This is a fine entry... yours, Diana... looking forward.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
|
This feels like an old folk song... Well done and great good luck in your lyrical poem writing prompt entry... This is a fine entry... yours, Diana... looking forward.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
-
Thank you I appreciate your input very much.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job, JLR, with your free verse about family. I like the comparison of the ups and owns and life's choices likened to broken branches of a tree. Your words flow well with great imagery. I like the ending of the realization that the author is among the broken branches, too. Great job and thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
|
You did a good job, JLR, with your free verse about family. I like the comparison of the ups and owns and life's choices likened to broken branches of a tree. Your words flow well with great imagery. I like the ending of the realization that the author is among the broken branches, too. Great job and thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
-
Thank you.
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a beautiful poem and the metaphor of broken branches to illustrate families is inspired in my opinion.
There is one issue though in that you haven't followed the "rules" of the prompt which are the poem should be written verse, chorus, verse, chorus etc and it must rhyme. So you will want to make those adjustments before the contest closes. An easy repair I am sure.
Best of luck to you in the voting booth. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
|
This is a beautiful poem and the metaphor of broken branches to illustrate families is inspired in my opinion.
There is one issue though in that you haven't followed the "rules" of the prompt which are the poem should be written verse, chorus, verse, chorus etc and it must rhyme. So you will want to make those adjustments before the contest closes. An easy repair I am sure.
Best of luck to you in the voting booth. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
-
Thank you,I will review accordingly.
Comment from Cindy Warren
I don't know why families sometimes drift apart. Some people just don't seem to belong anywhere. Perhaps the family doesn't know what to do about them. Other times they know perfectly well what the problem is and they don't want to admit it.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
|
I don't know why families sometimes drift apart. Some people just don't seem to belong anywhere. Perhaps the family doesn't know what to do about them. Other times they know perfectly well what the problem is and they don't want to admit it.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
-
Thank you for your comments.
Comment from Bichon
A very beautiful poem. Families can be a complicated thing, and you have written very well about them in your poem.
I especially liked the lines
It has been one score and ten the last time
we shared that same gentle breeze.
Very strong feelings attached to them indeed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
|
A very beautiful poem. Families can be a complicated thing, and you have written very well about them in your poem.
I especially liked the lines
It has been one score and ten the last time
we shared that same gentle breeze.
Very strong feelings attached to them indeed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
-
You are most kind with your words and reflection.
