Broken branches
Families, grown apart from the start60 total reviews
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements nicely. Your Free Verse is filled with vivid imagery and your metaphors are executed beautifully throughout. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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This meets the contest requirements nicely. Your Free Verse is filled with vivid imagery and your metaphors are executed beautifully throughout. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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You are so kind with your words of encouragement and support.
Comment from Poetofheart2013
What a beautiful and touching poem full the beauty of nature. I could the trees as I read it so moving and full of life.
Keep up the good work I enjoy reading it
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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What a beautiful and touching poem full the beauty of nature. I could the trees as I read it so moving and full of life.
Keep up the good work I enjoy reading it
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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My sincerest thank you.
Comment from rjuselius
this is a fine piece of poetry dear jlr! it is witty and interesting. however the prompt requires it to rhyme and yours does not.
fix it and I will fix my rating.
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings and a super squeeze!
Rebekka x
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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this is a fine piece of poetry dear jlr! it is witty and interesting. however the prompt requires it to rhyme and yours does not.
fix it and I will fix my rating.
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings and a super squeeze!
Rebekka x
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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Your comments are well received, I am such. Neophyte the only way I can learn and grow is by honest feedback, mega thanks!
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Really nicely done. Too many families today have broken branches. It is sad. I am grateful my bros and sister are all still close. Now their kids are another story. I hope you do well in the contest. Rox
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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Really nicely done. Too many families today have broken branches. It is sad. I am grateful my bros and sister are all still close. Now their kids are another story. I hope you do well in the contest. Rox
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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Much thanks Rox....
Comment from Dean Kuch
I really liked your repetitive line, JLR, "Riding broken branches in the sky." Very expressive, metaphorically speaking.
I also felt the ambiguity of this contemporary free verse worked well as it could apply to anyone.
We ALL forge our own paths in life. The only difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone along life's pathway is solely dependent on the perspective of the individual traveling the path.
Excellent piece...
~Dean
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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I really liked your repetitive line, JLR, "Riding broken branches in the sky." Very expressive, metaphorically speaking.
I also felt the ambiguity of this contemporary free verse worked well as it could apply to anyone.
We ALL forge our own paths in life. The only difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone along life's pathway is solely dependent on the perspective of the individual traveling the path.
Excellent piece...
~Dean
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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Dean your images ROCK, thank you again for the time and effort in reading and commenting on my work.
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It's always a pleasure, my friend.
~Dean
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello!
I appreciate the metaphorical posture of a tree and the dissolution/disintegration of a family. Your message clearly resonates with me.
I would, however, revisit this stanza as it reads a bit stilted to me = telling not describing:
Then the swooshing sound, what in my minds eye,
were large birds wings.
But, when casting a line of sight toward the sound,
falling, bouncing from above were broken branches.
Falling, broken branches in the sky.
Perhaps:
I hear the swoosh of large birds' wings...
"Riding my broken branches in the sky" = beautiful.
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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Hello!
I appreciate the metaphorical posture of a tree and the dissolution/disintegration of a family. Your message clearly resonates with me.
I would, however, revisit this stanza as it reads a bit stilted to me = telling not describing:
Then the swooshing sound, what in my minds eye,
were large birds wings.
But, when casting a line of sight toward the sound,
falling, bouncing from above were broken branches.
Falling, broken branches in the sky.
Perhaps:
I hear the swoosh of large birds' wings...
"Riding my broken branches in the sky" = beautiful.
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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My sincere appreciating for your honest read and comments!
Comment from ElPoetry001
Excellent. An appropriate metaphor for much of what we experience, in life, in dreams, in coping.
Your use of a broken branch, as a signal, as a sign, as a remembrance, was the core of the message.
Many branches grown in unison, towards the Sun, yet few cross each other, a co-existence at best, an exclusion perhaps.
Well done.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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Excellent. An appropriate metaphor for much of what we experience, in life, in dreams, in coping.
Your use of a broken branch, as a signal, as a sign, as a remembrance, was the core of the message.
Many branches grown in unison, towards the Sun, yet few cross each other, a co-existence at best, an exclusion perhaps.
Well done.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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Please accept my sincere appreciation for your comments.
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
I love the allegorical use of the broken branches setting off our paths in life. It really is a mystery as to who or when those branches began to set the trail. You eloquently portray your thoughts and I enjoyed reading them. Good Luck.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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I love the allegorical use of the broken branches setting off our paths in life. It really is a mystery as to who or when those branches began to set the trail. You eloquently portray your thoughts and I enjoyed reading them. Good Luck.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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My sincere thank you!
Comment from dmt1967
I like the unsaid metaphor, broken branches of a tree and the broken fragments of a family. It is also very clever as families have trees as well. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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I like the unsaid metaphor, broken branches of a tree and the broken fragments of a family. It is also very clever as families have trees as well. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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Thank you
Comment from bob cullen
I must confess I struggled to comprehend the poem's meaning. After reading it several times my interpretation changed. I hope I've not mistaken your message. Then I read your message. It is a powerful poem and I hope one day your family reunites.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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I must confess I struggled to comprehend the poem's meaning. After reading it several times my interpretation changed. I hope I've not mistaken your message. Then I read your message. It is a powerful poem and I hope one day your family reunites.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2019
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Thank you
