God Omnipotent Deeds
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "God Make Me A Dumb Man"God Omnipotent Omniscient Omnipresent Does Deeds
45 total reviews
Comment from Karen Luciana
Hi,
I enjoyed the read.
This part is such a well-crafted use of words.
"...unrighteous, foolish and haughty act of speaking of words expressing differences of my opinions, views, viewpoints, points of differences and controversies."
Also, you made excellent use of alliteration. Thanks for posting.
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Hi,
I enjoyed the read.
This part is such a well-crafted use of words.
"...unrighteous, foolish and haughty act of speaking of words expressing differences of my opinions, views, viewpoints, points of differences and controversies."
Also, you made excellent use of alliteration. Thanks for posting.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2019
Comment from Kamisah Karim
You have put forth your points in a confession that only some would thought of but living this world, I do believe that what ever ones said and done will have their intented reason.Therefore, there is no real need to ask God to make us a dumb man.We should instead ask to be granted with the highest of intelligence in order to do the best right thing in this world.Every action taken has its positive and negative effects so we cannot really run away from making mistakes.
Whats good for one person might not be good for another and so it goes for everything else.Anyway, your fictional character's prayer stirred up a sound thought in my mind that at times we do feel frustrated with the bad things happening, might also wonder whether we have somehow be the caused of them.
A good write my friend.Thank you for sharing.
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You have put forth your points in a confession that only some would thought of but living this world, I do believe that what ever ones said and done will have their intented reason.Therefore, there is no real need to ask God to make us a dumb man.We should instead ask to be granted with the highest of intelligence in order to do the best right thing in this world.Every action taken has its positive and negative effects so we cannot really run away from making mistakes.
Whats good for one person might not be good for another and so it goes for everything else.Anyway, your fictional character's prayer stirred up a sound thought in my mind that at times we do feel frustrated with the bad things happening, might also wonder whether we have somehow be the caused of them.
A good write my friend.Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2019
Comment from Raul1
This is very funny of the misadventures of the man who wanted to be stupid. It is an entertaining story that can be made into a movie. Well done! Good luck in the contest!
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This is very funny of the misadventures of the man who wanted to be stupid. It is an entertaining story that can be made into a movie. Well done! Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 27-Jun-2019
Comment from Yuna Akil
Critique on prose:
These a few critical editing suggestions.
Paragraph 4, line 2 - or objective, truly, I do this act > or objective. Truly, I do this act. (there's a big shift in sentence structure here, therefore you should start a new sentence.)
Paragraph 4, line 3 - gifted land, since the > gifted land since. (Since is a direct connector so I think it does not need coma).
Paragraph 7, line 3 and 4 - world where you too breathe immortally and live eternally as God > world, where you, too, breath immortally and eternally as God (correct coma placement).
Paragraph 9 - this is a fragmented sentence. You are making a conditional statement by using the term "as" in "as you are aware." You never end the sentence. "As you are aware" is a modifying clause. "As you are aware, you mustn't do this." In this case, as you are aware modifies "you". The entirety of paragraph 9 is a modifier, but you end it before saying the thing it is trying to modify. Same thing for paragraph 11, 12, and many others that follow. . .
Paragraph 11, line 1 - facts how many > facts of how many. Same thing with paragraph 12.
Overall, please review grammar rules for comma usage.
Overall, I think your prose is terrific. It is really difficult to handle carry-on sentences, especially those that have very wordy objects. But I think you do a good job with them! You write in a sense where the reader can keep going with the meaning and even add a voice and tone to the protag. We know so little about who is speaking, but with just your sentence structure you give him a personality. (I say him because of the photo). I keep hearing the voice of Eugene from the walking dead.
Comment on content:
I think this piece is very meaningful. You have used one man to confess for the crimes of all of humanity. I thought it was an interesting choice,
Somehow, the piece felt a little satirical. I know you're not enforcing any other religious belief and doctrine, but make sure people who are part of a monotheistic religion don't misread your meaning and think you're making fun of them. The reason why it may sound satirical is not your tone necessarily, but the content of the confession. The confession is rather vague--the character never confesses for one particular concrete did, or narrate a story of when he's sinned--it is rather general--having that mixed with the exaggerated to and wordy prose, it does few a little satirical at times.
Another interesting thing is that this piece embraces the masculinity aspect of sin. With so many talks about toxic masculinity going around, your piece portrays are a very masculine idea of sinning--which is neither good nor bad. Your picture is of a man and the way you describe the crimes, it seems like it is the crimes of a corrupt man. If it were the seems of a woman, she'd probably talk about different sins. To go deeper into the philosophical thought and narrative, think about how the different genders are compelled to commit different sins. Do men have more "opportunity" to commit sins that affect all of humanity like war? If you think about it and think of an answer, and then implement your answer is the writing, even if not explicitly, it is sure to enrich it!
Cheers!
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Critique on prose:
These a few critical editing suggestions.
Paragraph 4, line 2 - or objective, truly, I do this act > or objective. Truly, I do this act. (there's a big shift in sentence structure here, therefore you should start a new sentence.)
Paragraph 4, line 3 - gifted land, since the > gifted land since. (Since is a direct connector so I think it does not need coma).
Paragraph 7, line 3 and 4 - world where you too breathe immortally and live eternally as God > world, where you, too, breath immortally and eternally as God (correct coma placement).
Paragraph 9 - this is a fragmented sentence. You are making a conditional statement by using the term "as" in "as you are aware." You never end the sentence. "As you are aware" is a modifying clause. "As you are aware, you mustn't do this." In this case, as you are aware modifies "you". The entirety of paragraph 9 is a modifier, but you end it before saying the thing it is trying to modify. Same thing for paragraph 11, 12, and many others that follow. . .
Paragraph 11, line 1 - facts how many > facts of how many. Same thing with paragraph 12.
Overall, please review grammar rules for comma usage.
Overall, I think your prose is terrific. It is really difficult to handle carry-on sentences, especially those that have very wordy objects. But I think you do a good job with them! You write in a sense where the reader can keep going with the meaning and even add a voice and tone to the protag. We know so little about who is speaking, but with just your sentence structure you give him a personality. (I say him because of the photo). I keep hearing the voice of Eugene from the walking dead.
Comment on content:
I think this piece is very meaningful. You have used one man to confess for the crimes of all of humanity. I thought it was an interesting choice,
Somehow, the piece felt a little satirical. I know you're not enforcing any other religious belief and doctrine, but make sure people who are part of a monotheistic religion don't misread your meaning and think you're making fun of them. The reason why it may sound satirical is not your tone necessarily, but the content of the confession. The confession is rather vague--the character never confesses for one particular concrete did, or narrate a story of when he's sinned--it is rather general--having that mixed with the exaggerated to and wordy prose, it does few a little satirical at times.
Another interesting thing is that this piece embraces the masculinity aspect of sin. With so many talks about toxic masculinity going around, your piece portrays are a very masculine idea of sinning--which is neither good nor bad. Your picture is of a man and the way you describe the crimes, it seems like it is the crimes of a corrupt man. If it were the seems of a woman, she'd probably talk about different sins. To go deeper into the philosophical thought and narrative, think about how the different genders are compelled to commit different sins. Do men have more "opportunity" to commit sins that affect all of humanity like war? If you think about it and think of an answer, and then implement your answer is the writing, even if not explicitly, it is sure to enrich it!
Cheers!
Comment Written 27-Jun-2019
Comment from Sylvia Page
Alcreator, you have created a profound confession of words that can bring about the worst and the best in man. Your words are symbols akin to a double-sided sword that can bring about or cause much damage. You have clearly shown us here the power of words. Well Done and God bless you.
Sylvia
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Alcreator, you have created a profound confession of words that can bring about the worst and the best in man. Your words are symbols akin to a double-sided sword that can bring about or cause much damage. You have clearly shown us here the power of words. Well Done and God bless you.
Sylvia
Comment Written 27-Jun-2019
Comment from WryWriter
Excellent points made in this "confession." There isn't one thing we do or say that God isn't aware of, or that does not affect others immediately or eventually. We should all be humble before our Creator. We all are sinful. Each breath we take is by the grace of God. Your prayer to God makes that point very well! Great job!!
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Excellent points made in this "confession." There isn't one thing we do or say that God isn't aware of, or that does not affect others immediately or eventually. We should all be humble before our Creator. We all are sinful. Each breath we take is by the grace of God. Your prayer to God makes that point very well! Great job!!
Comment Written 26-Jun-2019
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Wow, I would say this covers about every sin that could be committed by mankind. We are sinful creatures and we are beyond blessed to have a loving and forgiving Father. I don't deserve His love. Well done sir. Rox
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Wow, I would say this covers about every sin that could be committed by mankind. We are sinful creatures and we are beyond blessed to have a loving and forgiving Father. I don't deserve His love. Well done sir. Rox
Comment Written 26-Jun-2019
Comment from Dean Kuch
Christ died on the cross so that all of this man's indiscretions, lies, sins, injustices and, yes, even murders, would be forgiven and washed in His precious blood, if asked.
The same holds true for you, me, and everyone else as well.
Praising God, the Father, and His son, Jesus, is a good thing--one that He expects of us.
However, begging Him for anything is unnecessary as He already knows our every want and need.
Be blessed, Doc.
~Dean
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Christ died on the cross so that all of this man's indiscretions, lies, sins, injustices and, yes, even murders, would be forgiven and washed in His precious blood, if asked.
The same holds true for you, me, and everyone else as well.
Praising God, the Father, and His son, Jesus, is a good thing--one that He expects of us.
However, begging Him for anything is unnecessary as He already knows our every want and need.
Be blessed, Doc.
~Dean
Comment Written 26-Jun-2019
Comment from Aussie
"Our words do not return to us void. And, the tongue is the smallest member of the body and causes the most strife." From the Holy Bible. Confession is good for the soul and "not one jot or tittle," shall He miss. We love because He first loved us. Words are our voice, but actions speak louder than words. "When a man ask for your singlet, give him your coat also," said Jesus. Religion isn't foolproof, it can be for fools also. "There is not one man without sin, ye not one." We are here to learn until the blessed day we meet our God. Thank you my friend. Love, K.
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"Our words do not return to us void. And, the tongue is the smallest member of the body and causes the most strife." From the Holy Bible. Confession is good for the soul and "not one jot or tittle," shall He miss. We love because He first loved us. Words are our voice, but actions speak louder than words. "When a man ask for your singlet, give him your coat also," said Jesus. Religion isn't foolproof, it can be for fools also. "There is not one man without sin, ye not one." We are here to learn until the blessed day we meet our God. Thank you my friend. Love, K.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2019
Comment from Ms. Q
OMG! Please accept my prayer, consider my appeal, and listen to my confession........Whole hearted out the gate......... You're never dumb ever never think that
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OMG! Please accept my prayer, consider my appeal, and listen to my confession........Whole hearted out the gate......... You're never dumb ever never think that
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
