Caterpillar sleeps
5-7-5 contest entry29 total reviews
Comment from estory
I think you have an interesting premise for this nature haiku; the idea of the caterpillar dreaming of this impending transformation, of leaving the caterpillar behind for the wings of the butterfly. I wonder if it might be better if you had that caterpillar image in the first line, the dreaming in the second, and then the butterfly emerging at the end. It's a nice use of the haiku format and the nature theme inherent with it. estory
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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I think you have an interesting premise for this nature haiku; the idea of the caterpillar dreaming of this impending transformation, of leaving the caterpillar behind for the wings of the butterfly. I wonder if it might be better if you had that caterpillar image in the first line, the dreaming in the second, and then the butterfly emerging at the end. It's a nice use of the haiku format and the nature theme inherent with it. estory
Comment Written 22-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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Thank you for the awesome review.
I think this piece could be spun in many different ways.
Fun to try.
God bless
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
How beautiful butterfly struggles for survival; they follow tedious but natural transformation with wonderful caterpillar dreams; well said, well done. Write-Inspire-Change --DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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How beautiful butterfly struggles for survival; they follow tedious but natural transformation with wonderful caterpillar dreams; well said, well done. Write-Inspire-Change --DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 22-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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Thank you, DR for the awesome review.
God bless
Comment from RodG
Because of the excellent pairing of the picture with your poem, young readers will enjoy your 5-7-5. Good use of alliteration to describe the metamorphosis and I like how you personify caterpillars in the last line. Rod
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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Because of the excellent pairing of the picture with your poem, young readers will enjoy your 5-7-5. Good use of alliteration to describe the metamorphosis and I like how you personify caterpillars in the last line. Rod
Comment Written 22-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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Thank you, Rod, for this awesome review.
God bless
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My pleasure. Rod
Comment from Ben Colder
This is interesting. Amazing about these little guys and the concept of life they exist. Not sure their life span but short I suppose. I hope you do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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This is interesting. Amazing about these little guys and the concept of life they exist. Not sure their life span but short I suppose. I hope you do well in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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Thank you, Ben, for the awesome review my friend.
God bless
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Poet,
I appreciate that image of the progression of the caterpillar to butterfly. I think it's a wonderful one. I counted all your syllables and you look in perfect order. Good luck~!
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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Dear Mystery Poet,
I appreciate that image of the progression of the caterpillar to butterfly. I think it's a wonderful one. I counted all your syllables and you look in perfect order. Good luck~!
Comment Written 22-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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Thank you, Robyn, I enjoyed this little piece.
God bless
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Good image and
presentation.
-The syllable count is good.
-The imagery is effective
as the butterfly
transforms and appears.
-The last line is a
good satori-like ending.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
|
-Good image and
presentation.
-The syllable count is good.
-The imagery is effective
as the butterfly
transforms and appears.
-The last line is a
good satori-like ending.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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Thank you, Pam. I enjoyed crafting this little piece.
God bless
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You are welcome.
Comment from LisaMay
That photo is wonderful; such a good progression to show the transformation of your poem, where the struggle to arrive at fulfilment begins with initial dreaming... caterpillar to butterfly as symbols.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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That photo is wonderful; such a good progression to show the transformation of your poem, where the struggle to arrive at fulfilment begins with initial dreaming... caterpillar to butterfly as symbols.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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Thank you, Lisa May, for this wonderful review.
God bless
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I'm loving this write about the metamorphosis of the caterpillar to butterfly which is one of those wonderful miracles of life and you captured it here in just a few words, magical, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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I'm loving this write about the metamorphosis of the caterpillar to butterfly which is one of those wonderful miracles of life and you captured it here in just a few words, magical, love Dolly x
Comment Written 22-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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Dolly, thank you for this inspiring review.
God bless
Comment from Darlene Franklin
What a beautiful description of the change from caterpillar to butterfly. I never thought of it as a caterpillar's dream. As a lover of alliteration, I especially like the line, tedious transformation.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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What a beautiful description of the change from caterpillar to butterfly. I never thought of it as a caterpillar's dream. As a lover of alliteration, I especially like the line, tedious transformation.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2019
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Thank you for this inspiring review, my friend. I enjoy these little pieces.
God bless
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You're welcome
