The White Lion
Men throw Ahab out.12 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Nicely written story about how the people felt about Captain Ahab and his obsession with Moby Dick. It must be after a few tries at killing the whale for no one wants to crew for him.
Congrats on the honorable mention in the contest
Keep writing
Joan
ca
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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Nicely written story about how the people felt about Captain Ahab and his obsession with Moby Dick. It must be after a few tries at killing the whale for no one wants to crew for him.
Congrats on the honorable mention in the contest
Keep writing
Joan
ca
Comment Written 25-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
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Hello Joan, Thanks so much for reading, glad you enjoyed. I was surprised to get an honorable mention! Have been writing on site for nine years! Best wishes, Kace.
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You are most kindly welcome, Kace.
Joan
Comment from Gloria ....
Arrrrrr Matey. Congratulations to you Kace for standing on the podium with a fine honourable mention. Your setting is a perfectly delineated and the motley cast of characters, especially Mister scarface pegleg is a delight.
Congrats again. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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Arrrrrr Matey. Congratulations to you Kace for standing on the podium with a fine honourable mention. Your setting is a perfectly delineated and the motley cast of characters, especially Mister scarface pegleg is a delight.
Congrats again. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 21-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2019
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Chasin' me tail twas I. To write a mystery. I wanted to throw in Jack the Ripper as Ahab. Of course some folks probably never heard of either?? You, my friend are well versed in being widely read. Honorable mention? Was that from FS? Ah, tis gettin' old dis dame is. Still do have me teeth tho'. Love, Kace.
Comment from pome lover
grammar:second paragraph - no verb.
Spaces between paragraphs inconsistent.
"I don't want no trouble..." who is speaking?
"giggled loudly?"
good accompanying picture.
pome lover
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2019
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grammar:second paragraph - no verb.
Spaces between paragraphs inconsistent.
"I don't want no trouble..." who is speaking?
"giggled loudly?"
good accompanying picture.
pome lover
Comment Written 20-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2019
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Hmm, thanks for reading. Did you take into consideration that the language isn't American? I don't think you got the gist of the story.
Ahab was the Ripper...I was bound to 100 words and so had to cut an chop the script. Why wouldn't Ahab giggle loudly? He was insane.
Blessings, Kace.
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I thought your criticism of my piece was insulting with no redeeming feature, (good effort doesn't count) so I childishly responded in kind. I should have just let it go. My bad, as the young people say.
pome lover
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Which piece are you speaking of? I don't want to give a bad review, it's not my way.
Please let me know.
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it was my pirate chapter. It was accepted by a British Publishing Company if I could partially fiance it, which I unfortunately couldn't.
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I hope I have not offended you. I did give you five stars. Blessings, Kace.
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thank you, Kace, and I apologize. You certainly have a right to critique; it just got to me.
Thank you for the 5! and for being so nice.
Katharine - pome lover
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Your intelligence as a writer would leave me in the dust. I have been on this site for nine years. Had a thought, read your work on Classic fanstory and sometimes it doesn't show up properly. You could teach me some tricks, I love the written word. Blessings, Kace.
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Oh, Kace, I doubt that I could. I still go to conferences and work shops - still learning, Have been seriously writing for 22 years after my husband died and I could write all day and through the night if I wanted to.
It really is a passion. I've written over 30 children's stories, BUT getting them published...that's a different matter, although I do have a contract with Cricket Magazine for a poem, but they said due to their backlog it may not be published for 2-3 years! I may be dead by then. For sure, I will have forgotten what I wrote. :)
I do ask you forgiveness again for my rudeness. I'm embarrassed and truly sorry.
Katharine - pome lover
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Hello from Australia! You have so much to give as far as writing goes! why not drop a line to Tom, (contact us)send a message. We don't have any teachers at present. You never know? Give it a go and fanstorians will benefit. It is a paid job. As you say, it is a passion. I jump between my love of painting to love of writing. No forgiveness needed sweetie-pie. Also, one of our writers (Nancy) is Editor in Chief of the magazine called Page & Spine, maybe you would like to have a look at the site?
Lots of love and care, Kace XX
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Dear, Kace, you are really something! A forgiver! for which I am grateful.
I don't think I am qualified to teach, BUT I have sent stories to Nancy and she's published them in Page & Spine - though I haven't in a while. Also her anthology - which I can't wait to see, has my story in it. Do you have one?
Thank you, truly, for your kind response. I just have have fun writing.
You paint? That is marvelous and I bet rewarding. I am trying a bit of drawing. (lots of erasing). :)
Thank you again for being an angel!!
Katharine
Comment from tfawcus
You take us back to eighteenth century London all right with your vivid description of the White Lion inn - great atmospheric description. The giggle at the end is chilling!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2019
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You take us back to eighteenth century London all right with your vivid description of the White Lion inn - great atmospheric description. The giggle at the end is chilling!
Comment Written 19-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2019
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Hello friend, Thanks so much for reading and glad you enjoyed. Cheers, Kace.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello Kace, this is interesting and very well written. Good use of appropriate vocabulary for the subject. Clever use of Jack the Ripper, and Ahab from Moby Dick. Good atmospheric piece of work. Well written - Good Luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy xx
The White Lion Tavern stood on the corner of Wood and Cook streets. Candle light seeped from the windows as men and women crowded inside for a pint of ale or a toddy of gin.
A popular drinking hole for the costermongers and ladies of the night. Whores walked the dark streets looking for customers.
The Tavern, noisy with drunk men, (drunken men) - small typo.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2019
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Hello Kace, this is interesting and very well written. Good use of appropriate vocabulary for the subject. Clever use of Jack the Ripper, and Ahab from Moby Dick. Good atmospheric piece of work. Well written - Good Luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy xx
The White Lion Tavern stood on the corner of Wood and Cook streets. Candle light seeped from the windows as men and women crowded inside for a pint of ale or a toddy of gin.
A popular drinking hole for the costermongers and ladies of the night. Whores walked the dark streets looking for customers.
The Tavern, noisy with drunk men, (drunken men) - small typo.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2019
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Hello Dorothy, Thanks so much for reading, i fixed the typo. Glad you enjoyed. Love, Kace.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
A very unique offering for the Flash contest with its blending of two tales of old. :) ;) I've included a few catches below... :) Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the contest! :)
A popular drinking --> It was a popular drinking
Tavern, noisy with drunk men, women shouting --> Tavern was noisy with drunk men and women shouting
stew, served --> stew was served
them too." --> them to."
up face the men --> up to face the men
for ye Artie --> for ye, Artie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2019
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A very unique offering for the Flash contest with its blending of two tales of old. :) ;) I've included a few catches below... :) Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the contest! :)
A popular drinking --> It was a popular drinking
Tavern, noisy with drunk men, women shouting --> Tavern was noisy with drunk men and women shouting
stew, served --> stew was served
them too." --> them to."
up face the men --> up to face the men
for ye Artie --> for ye, Artie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2019
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Thank you new friend. Glad you enjoyed. I had to careful as far as how many words were used (100) for the contest. I have taken on board your editing. Blessings, Kace.
Comment from aryr
Good luck in the flash fiction contest Kace. You did very well with this, especially using the concept of a real and a fictional character. I really appreciated your narrative notes as well.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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Good luck in the flash fiction contest Kace. You did very well with this, especially using the concept of a real and a fictional character. I really appreciated your narrative notes as well.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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Hello my friend, I did enjoy writing it but not finishing at 100 words!
Thanks so much for reading, it's freezing here! Bless you, Kace.
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wow, freezing, I would never imagine that in Australia, you are so welcome.
Comment from Colin John
Hi Aussie and fantastic write and feel like I have just had a pint of beer reading this in the white lion tavern . Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest . Kind regards Colin x
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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Hi Aussie and fantastic write and feel like I have just had a pint of beer reading this in the white lion tavern . Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest . Kind regards Colin x
Comment Written 17-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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G'day Colin, I thought you would enjoy the Pub. Pint would go down well now! Thanks for your good wishes. Bless you, Kace XX
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is a beautifully penned entry and a thoroughly enjoyable read from start to finish. I found no obvious evidence of SPAG allowing the story to flow for me without any distractions. I love that this is a period piece for I personally find those more entertaining (we are bombarded with enough real life as it is). Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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This is a beautifully penned entry and a thoroughly enjoyable read from start to finish. I found no obvious evidence of SPAG allowing the story to flow for me without any distractions. I love that this is a period piece for I personally find those more entertaining (we are bombarded with enough real life as it is). Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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Hello, long time no hear from you! Thanks so much for your in-depth review and yes, back in time is more interesting. Hope all is well. Blessings, Kace.
Comment from Patty Palmer
The story was good for as much of it. I know that there were only so many words you were allowed. I was starting to get into thr story and it stopped. "Keep right on writing!"
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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The story was good for as much of it. I know that there were only so many words you were allowed. I was starting to get into thr story and it stopped. "Keep right on writing!"
Comment Written 16-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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Patricia, Thank you for reading and yes, I wanted to continue writing! Will do some more scripts unheeded! XX Kace.
